Filed under: Uncategorized
Romantic is great for happiness, identity — namely women, and surfing. The Defense is a stabiliizer it keeps me
moving forward by fending off people who attack me in either the Romantic or the Intelligent acts. The Defense
ensures positive, STABILIZED movement. So how do I
Dreamt the cottage in MEHSBFAIL was HUGE, you could see zcross massively and it was mom’s office and you could park
cars in there it was so big, There was a MASSIVE conference room a pciture of william wallace braveheart and it
was like a fully decorated warehouse. A little pool guy was working on some small pool outside and it was a secret
how big it was.
Ransdells last night (their awesome manic Chip fox-terrier dog did this hyper sprint and then took a dump!), then
kincaids, saw flee, this beautiful gorgeous stunning woman, then saw james and thomas back at the house, went
back to try to get that woman’s number, then gave 4 people a lift downtown.
I need to get a place of my own that has thousands of POSITIVE anchors that keep me up. Keep me up spiritually
and emotionally to keep doing good work. Because there’s so much CRAP — video games, watching TV, watching
movies, drugs, junk food SHIT SHIT! THere’s so much of it that suffocates EVERY single day and people aren’t
even bloody aware of these poisons. That they are ingesting toxins when watching TV, etc. I don’t sleep on a bed
— I sleep on the floor. I have a dog and cat — animals for intelligence. I eat Whole Foods food, primarily soups,
seafood, and salads, and some pastas, I get MASSIVE amounts of exercise on a regular basis, I love surfing and
pleasing women.. Those pets, sleeping position, foods, keep me up and focused. I am most interested in shifting
to pleasing women instead of pleasing myself through women because it’s so easy to do that. It’s so easy to
please yourself. GOD! I can’t wait to get an apartment of my own!! A place where I can have all of those things!! A
foxe-terrier and a cat — if I do not get those pets SOON (within the next few months), I will shift back into relying on
toxins, poisonous, dangerous, unhealthy habits like video games, TV, movies, and shit I don’t want and cramps
and congests my life, creating problems for me! IF I get a cat and a dog, I will surf more, have great sex more, stay
healhty with ease and enjoyment and love life to the fullest!
I know what kind of dog to get — a wire fox-terrier and a symmetrical cool cat, named, respectively Tazmania and
Atticus. They will embody my hyperactivity and exciting and then logical reason and whatnot. AWesome
awesome stuff. Not having those pets will keep me in depression, suffocate my essence, create massive problems
for me, and create uncertainty. Having pets will elicit my compassionate and humanitiarian vibes because I will be
able to care for them and will love them, something that never happens to finnigan.
After getting out of a LONG period of inactivity, and lethargy and bad stuff, having a dog and a cat and a fish will
mobilize my positive intention bring me fantastic joy, profoundly ginormous financial wealth, incredible happiness,
the best sex, beautiful women, intense surfing happiness and everything. I will prove to myself that I can do great
stuff and I MUST get a cat and a dog! It will creat tremendous balance and centeredness — centeredness in my
Most importantly, getting a dog and a cat will get me out of this stupid “modeling” bs where I don’t have any control
over my life; getting a dog and a cat will give make me more assertive because they are GOOD great connections
to have and I’ve wanted them for a long time and it will keep me connnected with moving forward and I’ll master
taking care of animals and they’ll be awesome friends!
Okay, so I have the ideal. The vision of a dog and a cat. NExt step is a place to put them — 430 or my own
apartment. Next step is
Words of wisdom from last night:
Bars kind of like surfing but no where nearly as cool. You get clarity with fresh air!! Joe Ransdell: training dog?
I think I’ve wanted to be “naughty” for awhile, but am really, most likely just nice, kind of. I want to stay on top — to
do that- – I have to EXERCISE LOTs, get what I want (pets, whole foods foods, sex with a hot babe).
Here’s what’s SO problematic about
I’m doing great because I’ve resurrected from focusing on dealy wrong things — computers, politics, psychology,
english — and am all about the things that creat joy for me. The things that create joy, focus, centeredness,
success, sexiness, and happiness for me are acting, animals, nature, music
Aligning, centering, GOOD medicine things — whole foods food (soups, seafood, salads), comedy, dog and cat,
exercise (Running, swimming, surfing, soccer), vyl readings and recordings, good music.
20100801 rubbish my interests were so naïve and superficial and DELUDED by the cult of hollywood. A few
journal entries prior in 2006 I talked about how I joyously went to visit mel gibson’s bar situation. Rubbish. I get
USED in cities. In france, in Brimehsbfailane, in chicaog, theyre all NOISY, cacauphony of hell and it disrupts my mind. I
AM an animal, homo sapiense are animals and I need wilderness. The videos of me in Brimehsbfailane and in strad were
SOOO starkly different and I was panicking in brimehsbfailane because I ForeSAW (I read ahead) all the HELL that I
would have to endure that I did endure (france, sydney, travels, chicago, HELL, three months of nonstop
surrounded by people, hell, really). In wilderness ALONE I was happy, relaxed, my mind worked because I wasn’t
in overdrive fear-mode, Wilderness was gentle nice, MUCH more of an optimal environment for me!
Maybe they didd go to mehsbfail I dont’ care maybe I do read ahead lol.
People — I – – deserve to be happy. We need to have pets, women, humor, good food, good music, alive people,
not dead people. Who’s alive (many actors, ronald reagan (but he has to work with the dead), the ocean, pets)
I’m going to leave
Clean out entire basement. timboj not only doesn’t thank me, not only doesn’t acknowledge the time I put into it, but
says that I need to save these 3 toddler plastic chairs.
Ezrabitch or TIMBOJ someone is a dominatrix — a controlling, manipulative type person.
Don’t want conflict with family, want it to cool off, permanently. Doesn’t help me. It gave me a lot of space, but
whoop de do!
I have everyone’s conversations saved on a “mental file” so when I see a person, I can instantly get back into the
conversation with them. Far out!
%15am dad came down into 430 basement after I was doing Xmas Carol Recordings. I told him he didn’t want to
do a script now because he wanted to be asleep, He kept saying lines to provoke me (about my medication)
because he wanted to do a script, but then he went ahead and did the script, the play, when I told him not to, he
said my art (the art that I had spend dozens and dozens and dozens of hours painting on was a piece of shit.
What a bastard! What a fat, ugly bastard! The desk and chairs that I so amazingly painted with hundreds of hours
and so many tears, and sweat and grime into that poetry, that poetry I refined in a senior writing seminar, all of that
is on that art. It’s to poignant to me that I glazed it and have wanted to encase it in stuff. He has no soul after
devouting his life to money, so when he sees beautiful creations that he could never make from someone else, his
sham, hollow, decrepit, fat, pimply, wart-filled grotesque corpse can only criticize it out of jealousy. He’s a piece of
shit, that fat, good for nothing, his whole life, his whole marriage is a piece of shit, so I got mad at him, I pushed
him, I made it clear that that was art. like the art he had next door. the chagall, and the warhol, this was art. True,
some art is pieces of shit, but that is unmistakenly art.
His life is so bleak and pathetically drained of coolor because all he does is conceal.
I wanted to hurt him.
That was the most painful, the most nocuous, the largest pressure point anyone could ever push. So much of my
struggle, my life, my emotions, was put into that.
I realized that hurting him wouldn’t do any good. TIMBOJ is already in so much pain. So much anguish bottled up —
TIMBOJ has seizures of suffering. I have seizures of joy everyday.
He’s really a vile father — only able to relate to his sons through a work ethic; only doing resumes for his sons
instead of taking them out on the town.
I am in danger — of being artistically killed by that vermin — that’s why I felt it wasn’t safe my junior year, because
this artistic mastery, this incredible expression of splendid craft — amazing acting, painting, creative, artistic talent
was something I was connecting with and TIMBOJ was enraged with jealousy and thus spent every moment of his life
trying to bury it.
I wanted to have a stronger reaction. I wanted to sock him in the gut and roundkick him to the face! And I am a
pacificist! His words were so menacing and treacherously cutting to the bone that
So then I went back and told him again that that was art. I pushed his shoulders, causing him to back into the back
of the sofa, and then slapped him his head which shocked him and got him to say that that is not a piece of shit;
that is art. I said, tell me you understand that that is art.
Let me hear that you understand.
Let me hear you say that. What is that next door.
“It’s not a piece of shit”.
What is it?
“It’s a piece of art.”
He needed that shock. Anyone who thinks that grades and Letters are so much more
I wrote this based on the life script.
But I’m not even interested in helping timboj, he doesn’t want to help himself. I’m only interested in helping TMK and
JIMBOJ, where their time is more valuable, because they may be interested in helping to extend their happiness and
He likes me to fill in the blanks, though. Maybe now he’ll understand that there exists projects, emphases,
emotional undertakings of a greater significance and poignance than juggling ledgers and financial charts, treating
yourself like some computer. Maybe now you’ll see that some things in life actually possess meaning and
emotional, even spiritual significance to people — a type of poignancy you have long since buried, only leaving a
vile smoldering carcas neglecting your abundance of good happiness. So much for cooling things off. Get out
while you still have a soul.
That’s not power at all. That’s purpose of message and intention.
My only regret is thomas didn’t see that because it seriously helps him out, big time, to make sure he doesn’t bury
his artistic spirit. To see that you can stand up to your own father if you know (on an occasion) that he’s wrong.
ETc. Good stuff to get him out of obedience and into self-reliance. Only the great men practicied self-reliance to
break into new areas of intellectual knowledge. Everyone else simply practiced obedience.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Moving To the UK This is an outcome I have saught and have attempted to accomplish through a variety of different means. It has posed to be one of the most (the most difficult I have encountered) difficult countries to enter. I want to do more than visit it. I don’t even want to merely tour the UK. Nay, I want to enter, tour, and live in the UK. How to accomplish that? Well, some NLP is an interesting idea. outcome – I would live in cardiff or london. My career will involve math, nlp, and/or computer science. preferably not nlp, but that may be viable. evidence – I obviously DO want to do this. I dont’ try to go to a country 5 times October 2009 March 2010 April 2010 April 2010 May 2010 in the span of 7 months without sincerely meaning it, without being serious about relocating there. evidence of it being possible – little. customs no doubt has my old name on file. I DID refute it, but wasn’t given much official support. I talked with the the head person. How that makes me feel – angry. cheated. lied to. gyped. unfairly treated. Again, the permanent record will have to be cleared of lies and libel. efe2 AGAIN approaching this I bump heads with the reputation distruction fallacious libel career hindering lies deceit hurt anguish caused by biofcult. how does THAT make you feel. vengeful. suicidally angry. cheated. imprisoned. a prisoner in a concentration camp. Coping mechanisms. hiding. drinking. neglecting. I recall crying in front of carter, drury, lindbladne( precisely what I DIDN’T WANT TO MAJOR IN!!!!!!!! I wanted tiny bit enlgish and tons of comptuer science) so again. I feel like a ticking time bomb because that fury of the libel on perm record is so destructive and unfair. so i focus what I would normally focus on before the libel without biofcult. that is computer sciecne and math!! i may reread this althought it’s too angering. ———- TB and slanik commentary. So I have been listening to some old archives of Cynicalbrit and Vendor trash. Why? you might ask. Because The cynical brit, Totalbiscuit (John) and the crazy irishman, Slanik (daniel) produced some of the best radio ever. I mean that. Others will disagree, but that is my opinion and it stands. For totally different reasons, of course. While they’re both freakishly intelligent, imho, their radio was good for completely different reasons. TB is bold, obnoxiously brash, very stable and systematic and reasonable. Slanik, witty fast, clever, even cute. TB is never cute. Both are highly amusing, entertaining, informative and yes indeed I admittedly learned some core critical reasoning skills from TB and from slanik…well learning from slanik is an even more frightening thought but slanik felt like friend while questing in wow. I had never (and still have not heard) anything like Vendortrash nor BluePlz. They’re fantastic and some of the best voice audio ever, imho. One comment, in blue plz s1ep25 tb is ranting about how their are fat people in america and europe and whatnot. Of course TB is biased to people in america (being less leniently critical); he just took a plane to america and his gf is in america ffs!! If my gf was in say, some european country, I definitely wouldn’t be critical of that country. But that said, it’s very unlikely that I would be critical of any european country for that matter b/c europe is ols and srs and awesome. Just some thoughts. Slanik’s radio (maybe b/c if I did internet radio it might be a blend of TB’s srsness and slanik’s witty (and very intelligent) cleverness I revere and enjoy those audios so much) is welcoming and hilarious and it’s non-threatening. You feel like you can just listen and enjoy it. HE said vendor trash (first heard the pilot yesterday lol) was just to unwind and relax and that it is. Few shows cause that (mainly because most all audio pisses me off and I avoid listening to certain things in the first place to prudently avoid the headache). Anyways that’s that. good times. I can’t really surmise slanik. He’s just a lovable entertaining, witty, hilarous, indeed crazy irishman who makes great audio. His background track is sick as well; very catchy and have never heard anything like that. WHY slanik didn’t continue with radio is befuddling and the fact that he didn’t seem to is slightly distressing. Maybe I liked the radio so much because it was guys just getting started with it. But normally that would be a crappy deterrent. Conclusively, I can only conclude that the irish and british accents, the gaming topic, and the witty clever, and then the reason (and criticical thinking; a skill I very rarely hear employed in the usa) of TB and the witty funny relaxed mode of slanik, awesome radio. Thanks cynicalbrit and omfg for keeping those respective archives available. I guess, also, that it’s pretty obvious (just for self awareness) that I like niche, highly nuanced radio. If you don’t play wow, their podcasts are completely irrelevant. I guess I like hearing audio on very specific things and that this is. Most audio has very little direction; (and while saying TB and Slanik’s audio has direction is arguable…lol jokes; they do) but these clips are enjoyable. =================================== —————- Spoiler – My dislike of this game I wanted to write a quick review of this game. I picked this up for xbox. The firs 3 episodes were acceptable and quite good at times. I would give the first 3 episodes a 7/10. However, then the gameplay plot played the (it’s all fiction and blurring fiction with reality) card and turned to ????. The game could make up anything it wanted. See that rock there. That’s really alan’s head, if you shine the flashlight on that rock, alan won’t keep finding manuscript pages. Or that tree? Yeah, that’s really Barry transformed into a tree and alan will forget this in a few minutes. Reality is blurred can be very cool if done right (matrix and something like usual suspects or fight club. where there’s a point of not knowing what reality is and what is fiction, but that lasts a short while. This game has many many hours of not knowing what reality is and what fiction is; that’s different from mystery and suspense mind you. Not knowing what someone’s role is in something is suspense, but blurring reality for that long is just stupid) but this was just horrendously sloppy. I thought I liked the quantum physics in those Night Springs tv shoes and other blending reality stuff, but the game took it to the point of stupidity. Conclusively, overall I give this a 2/10. I thought it was a ???? rubbish game. (Additionally, and this may sound pathetic, but I did find it scary enough that I had to turn the sound off. Strange because I played through and quite enjoyed Amnesia (arguably the scariest game ever made at the time of its release). It may have been confounding factors (like stress in my life, or not liking xbox possibly, or other things, but those don’t really seem to be as significant). Over all, this game sucked and despite positive reviews abound, I do NOT recommend it at all. Maybe because it took place in america (supposedly washington) and I hate that country. My only regret and source of shock is that it took me half way through episode 4 to realize I hated this game. This is a problem I have; namely that it takes me too long to realize I like/dislike something. Then again I think the game deteriorated in quality. Remedy tried to do too much with it, blurring reality with copious nuances. I liked the opening part of the game (the ferry to bright falls) but then it got cliche and overly-americanized (it’s quite likely I can’t play american games because they’re mostly so hackneyed and actually angering their plots are so either stupid or predictable). Good things about the game. Great graphics. The usage of flashlight + weapon was novel. I liked the barry character. I guess a main component of dislike is the storyline was too fragmented. This sounds counter-intuitive, but one must do a “reality warped” story without fragmentation or without long bouts of blurred reality. (like in usual suspects, there was about 120 seconds of blurred reality at the end; and the matrix had defined rules) this was just an amorphorous sloppy heap of blurred fictional-nonfiction reality and it was very very poorly done. Anyways, I know this is not the view of many gamers. If you want a horror game, get Amnesia. I highly recommend, and definitely enjoyed that game greatly (and the british protagonist (i.e. voice acting and storyline) was much more aggreable and enjoyable (even though in that game he had forgotten whom he was). I guess conclusively, this game was too american; that’s probably the reason why I absolutely hated it. Bioshock was great b/c that took place in a dystopian city underwater. Amnesia was in some (likely eastern european) castle. I guess I almost always automatically dislike a game that has an american tone and tries to recreate normal life in some ways. I play games to escape usually or to explore a different world. There’s no point in playing alan wake because where I’m currently located, there’s disgusting american hicks everywhere I go, so playing the game is almost redundant. This ranty and probably obnoxious, but just my 2 (possibly 3) cents. ————————- so many things
Filed under: Uncategorized
slept1300-2300 (10 hrs)
2300-0230 atti worked on popp book
230-300 recordings vide reco
330 changed into fresh undershirt, new underwear, and new socks nad bicycle shoes (woudl prefer slippers and should get those clothing items hanes white undershirts, hanes ankle socks, slippers less than $20
Thought of turning baement into porn dungeon or bar ABout as bad as I could be without being destructive or illegal. was fed up with shit and thought hey I could wank or make food and then do posts and I decided JOYFULLY to do the latter. This led to me realizing how mcuh I fucking LOVE the basement. LOVE it. it's cool. secret. like a man cave. same color. no squeaky floors. hidden it's rad. like a hidden volume. one of best sleeps of life in a long time last night there too. thought of how this house is like the broken fight club house sorta. thought of fukcing that skinny chick. Thougth of how I have abad said (not drugs destructig fail shit) that thinks of things like turning basement into porn dungeon or bar to EARN only to eanr obvis and secretive. reading orwell helps. Validate Your Life is SUCH A FRONT!! It's a fucking front to conceal my bad side. must share more on OMSS. that helps. best of all. WATCHING my vids helps sweet true!!! I like the basement. feel so much better after cooking food and doing shit omfg. good qual! now will do the stupid "front" recordings. but how I actually earn MUST be fucking or bar that I host I thought of Geek bar! I have a bad side (verne) that's not getting satisified. once verne is doing all these bad thigns THEN THEN THEN.........."front" phil can interact with people witout anger. what happens now is verne is like "is it time for me yet? yet? now? huh?" mor eand more and my front phil pushes him down. he needs an outlet. had a bit with cats strangel. but best outslet might be fucking? or rogue or whatever. idk. whate outelt is must be legal. good. maybe this should be on rampant. ----- I HATE porn though I LIKE math!!!! fuck. I HATE porn though I LIKE math!!!! fuck.
Filed under: Uncategorized
2011.11.12 I liked califonrication that was a decent show b/c smart protagonsit good career intersing babes seemed interesting what am I feeling, I get so depressed during the day. I thought it was peaceful seeing the sunrise and now I feel burdened and annoyed and vexed. It is kind of nice not having to talk and to write. I like this . this is qual. just can't seem to strike up vein of writing etc. hhmm . Two twoers was NOT about me. I was not frank keensly. I AM however phil and verne true. lw I liked watching shows buttehy almost always led to crap discombobutlaging stuff. maybe watch californiacation. under what conditiosn would I NOT squeeze auda. If someone would see me. Maybe if I wsa incredibly happy and overjoyed. Maybe if I fed her an extremely small amount and she was frail and starving. i need to be in ubuntu. windows really SUCKS. I can't get things done int it and dont' like it. tRUE. I like ubuntu a lot. oww I feel really achy. REALLY ahcy dang. I feel prett y depressed actually. REALLy depressed dang. can't ever go outside. so i'm acucastoi uaboiut wathcign stuff. etc. ----------- 2011.11.14 okay I REALLY really am having douts about installing this is vexingand annoying. my thougts go all windows and only use ubuntu on netbook? interesting but would have tons of empty space then which might be okay I liked using hte dell just for word processing writing. if I have everything on it my brian explodes b/c it's not fast enough for tha. thoughtou abotu just windows word processing (wordpad NOT highend grpahics processors) and like sims or something. I fear if I do the SEVEN partitions it will be overkill and too much stuff going on? idk but the nagain would make more usafeful or sometoith
Filed under: Uncategorized
love this keyboard! (approx. date) Just randomly writing. I love thiws keyboard but my lifre is HELL. I can’t watch films because then distraction and then waste life shit. I’m afraid of conneting with anying I ‘ma evenr afraid of getting food because of fear of that being distracting and discomboboulating. So I’m not eating much at all. I can’t seem to make progress in anything. I was going to reinstall windows in dell but then saw snatch deved in drive and watching some of that, that’s like not following through with plan decided upon. True. It’s allowing externals to direct internals. I dislike that. I follow through in grocery YES. Good etc. I eat food and then feel uncomfortable. I get bored and then don’t eat food. I love this keyboard though phew it reocks I can type quickly on it! I LOVE this keyboard!! It’s so comfortable and great clickyness and I can fly with typing on it. Especially at standing desk. It’s clear and smooth and it rocks. I LOVE the sidewinder x4. I did SOOO much keyboard research and this rocks!! It is backlit perfect clickiness. Great angle great built-in wrist rest. Great colour. IT IS Sooooo comfortable nad loaded with special stuff (I don’t use the macro keys much at all ) it’s plug and play but basically it’s the clickness that makes it incredible. SOOOOOOO smooth and fast and no anti-ghosting. It’s marvelous. Words and typing totally flies. I thought I liked laptop keyboards, but this is my fave by far. I love this sidewinder x4. I am WAY more productive with it too! RAD! Cool awesome plannign what you want to communicate on splash screen and then how to do it like version app name visually appealing that's WHAT and this is how sweet maybe reading NLP a bit helped galvanize state of clarity but NLP is a means; math and classical music and chess and computer sicence are what I want to be doing! OMFG I NEED to be using this awesome standing desk height + AWESOME keyboard + HUGE monitor WAHOO! And fecalmatter barf out crap wkf rubbish. Good codign reading!! Thought about reading chapter at time with java in like 1999 and how it might be good to read all at once or something I LVOE code wahoo! I also said hate brad pitt and I DO. It’s rubbish! Slop crap. I love codewahoo! Maybe because similar to me in way and like couldn’t been like that but I’m HAPPILY NOT!! Or like variation of what ocudl have done but then gross sickly blegh ppl eww. I love cats, code ,computers, classical music, chess ftw ahaha SWET!! Should I abandon ALL computer games?? I really dislike the macbook. I hate typing on it. It’ `111111111`,.klio9999999999999s rubbish. HEY what if I hooked it up to monitor and keyboard? DANG this is where my usbe was mounted to!! The usb HUB. Ahhhh this standing desk is marvelous I REALLy likje this it rocks!!!! It is proper height.electrifyingly compatible (don’t want to say comfortable). PRODUCTIVT efficient fast fun, zippy.] Might try game a bit. I still dislike touching mac. Iremember how infuriated I was this morning I am strongly considering selling mac rubbish idk. I JUST HATE THE DAY. It feels like an attack. I wonder if I had no concept of time and saw no light and sound outside if I’d still feel “drained during the day”. I WRITE so fast aon this speedy happy aligned totally congruent compatible keyboard!!!! 2011/11/04 a lot of work processing old rl dvds rubbish I still reckon I would like to Elim ALL of them BY FAr. digital data ftw. some are good but can pirate or handbrake. I hate vacillating between (good voice, acting radio!) and then coding awesome must make android app etc popp I LOVE my sidewinder keyboard I dont' like typing on other keyboards. I also got ANGRY seeing G9 Archos tablet because I can't afford that and wouldn't know which to get etc. I DO want SOME kind of tablet most certianly read about resistive nad capactititaiv too. I was sort of productive with recrodign stuff up in attic TRUE, but then I think it's more like home and should have gone into basement to study chess and android dev and do more coding work. thought of stra and seren too hhm mwill hop in linux. android is so like linux sweet! Need to photo rest of DVD little pamphlet things then rip up and discard those. Would like to get most all dvds DIGTIAL not on actual dvd too. Although some might be okay but not really. It’s still annoying swapping in actual devds even it’s something awesome like bbc life but don’t’ even have those! Dang I miss typing on my sidewinder x4. I sooo picked out an incredible keyboard for that wahoo!! Also realized with laptop or tablet! Can hook up sidewinder and crank out massive typing jour or book! SWEETNESS!! I just got furious but I feel safe from the DVDs now. I also have this profound clarity with code and moath and minimalism. I said to toxic biof that they had too many houses. I EXPERTLY coached them Too much (of my life wasted on coaching them). I remember seeing how scattered timboj was in pikes peak rubbish thing and well…just slept nad relaxed. Dang. And saw that that was related to buyuing all this stuff to bury emotional problems. But I don’t’ care about that because they brought pain etc. TRUE. An argument I’m getting rid of stuff to escape emotional problems is invalid because I’m slowly getting rid of thigns and journal and am MASSIVELY on top of and aware of my emotional problems . I collected things to conceal things TRUE c’est vrai. So I mustn’t drift back into coaching. Coding is clear and free, but I realize with minimilz I can SEE how things are put together. I told them that a million times and they never changed. If I see how a person is broke nand then they don’t change to “fix” themselves when I tell them how. That’s infuriating. It’s like a computer with no keyboard. So I hate coaching rubbish and I fear effect of typing in attic or downeastoaiewtrioad j on actuall keybarod I like g Okay. So It’s annoying I can’t even envision top hardware situation. What’s interesting is that I Yhou make progress by focusing in life.I studied ensemble etc. rubbish I need to focus on android more et. I can’t envision gear situation (tablet in small attaché) laptop? One rig main? It would be good if could envision that wiping away everyt I KNOW I LOVE netbook for reading at sleep. THAT ROCKS. I KNOW I love sidewinder x4 as fave keyboard. I REALLY like the sound of tablet wahhooo if they were free I would def get one wouldn’t know if would get 10 or 80 prob def the 250 one which is awesome yah!! Or 70 was original hhmm Realizing all my reading in youth was what I LIKED and it was tools I need for android dev! Web design (selling, company id location etc) Photoshop (making images for android dev!) Other stuff. 2001 was like shit I HATED. Religion. Actual religion fail!! That was depressing rubbish dang. In contrast Code in youth was good great fun clear. Could envision in mind. Awesome. So coaching is rubbish. I learned it to helpme a nd focus on and succeed reckon. Might “earn” from it but meh. Also thought of tdk rubbish crap beating person up male machismo failness RUBBISH. My back really hurts. I fear my back is fucked up and my mind isn’t comfortable focusing on one thing for too long. That is like opposite of Holmes. And I need to focus (most likely on android dev) for career. I REALLy like big monitor prob should have stayed in basemenet and not even gone to attic true. Okay 2011 11 04 Fed cats prepared food. After talking to them about getting good gear. Am in attic on GREAT keyboard I LOVE I don’t think I want all these crap laptops . I got dell to ELIMINATE mac. INDEED. I like/ love netbook for reading before sleep. AWESOME! I may get food tomorrow although it’s not particularly necessary. I wish I was in some place elegant. AMERICA seems to be a dismal, swampy hell hole with flustered putrid infected zombie gross people. TRUE. Chicago people are hellish and manipulative nad financially exploitative. Michigan they’re kind of gross I don’t like saying that. Thoughts being in attic caused me to be less clear during day. Slept in abominable room again. Journal is a bit scattered I hate recording things in all these little different places I NEED ONE honking MAIN monitor and setup (could be with laptop but maybe prob rig). Considering 1280, monitor, small cheap droid? No doz seems like a great investment. Very cost effective etc. Okay this is kind of okay. The PSU says return to service thing and thought of random places (aus, Chicago, Britain, three oaks, niles?) and that’s all rubbish. I need to afford a place of my own. I DESERVE That. I can afford places in Michigan if I earn. And what that means is returning it back if it doesn’t’ turn on and it doesn’t turn on now I have to call tom’s hardware forum rubbish. Basement is better attic sucks. I don’t like attic. This is liberating. I do not have time for video games. My boos, my android apps, my minimalism, my body health, my book reading, and mor eI can keep a few simple games but they are SOO out of place from be the cat vet, thray, popp, nlpftw, two blogs, podcasts, scheduling blogs and podcasts, heatlh, reading great stuff, video editing, OS tinkering, journaling, meditating, and other awesome stuff. I never want a console. EVER. The walkthroughs and the time put into getting through a level or whatever is ridiculous. Therefore I want to sell the macbook. I installed TONS of games on it and I really don't care ab out wiping them all off. I'd like to get limbo data of macbook and then that's it. No more. The games are unrewarding. They are no longer immersive. It would be nice if they were but they arne't and that's prob for the best because I can't earn with games. TRUE. They've wasted money and I don't like the damn walkthroughs and they aren't fun. I will get more done without them and I they put on pause all my proejcts and its fun moving forward with rpoject.s INDEED chess is a GREAT. I would feel productive playing chess all do (massively prodcutive). I am selling the macbook. I swished in 10 times it in a box ready to sell. I have been reading about cats. GREAT fun reading qual. Games just are so anomolaous to my life and work and reading and everything. When cats stretch their bellies out infront of you they are saying they trust you. Auoda did that FIRST time I saw her!! Also she meows at me when I look at her something that cats do when they like or know you well. Ifeel like auoda is my long-lost cat!!! I do she acts like she knows me well it's like she lived with me and knew and knows me and came back. She said she trusted me with that back arch and meows and whatnot. TRUE. Hhm.. passeparotu I lvoe because of cutness but pasepoarut doesnt' mark likethat interesitn! They're both awesome in different ways. Auodo displays TONS Of trust signs even from when I first met her and on that deck she arched back immediatley true! Audo has also NEVER bit me. HUGE signs that auoda trusts me and knows me (she feels like long-lsot cat)!! arch back first time saw her on deck second time whatever mewos when looks at me. When I make eye contact indeed. S coial and nice. I want to turn off comments. YES. Turn off comments on my sites. GOOD. Great. COMPLETED the sell page for macbook. Only steps left to sell it are fill in 1-2 details (neoprene case brand etc) photo the red light, everything (dvds comp, cases), and close up etc) and post it! Prob is when writing it thought about using it for games on stomach bollocks! That said HUGE breakthrough. I don't want to be in this hosue so being in “less” of the house is liberating. NOT using attic, abominable, nor fanroom is brilliant I feel happier already wahoo!!!! true c'est vrai. I feel more in contorl. I want to be inside in office but not here so being in LESS of the house is mathematically getting more of what I WANT TRUE I do truly feel better. Slept in dance dojo room. I move forward with stuff this way. Emailed jeff zheng and nelson in here too! So I thought about keeping the macbook for horizontal game (NOT sex reference) but I still don't think have time for that. Can do tons of work on tnetbook and then the dell is like great relatively and then reig will be infiiteiae more ram and faster biggers owsbetetre aesaomwe OMFG bid on moto droid AND norelco for 110?? Has to be freakish odd. Anyways. I realized I was focused NONSTAOP on the monitor yesterday and today I wake up and bid on droid and razor!! It's like I focus on one hUGE thing and other slightly less huge but still big things occur! I finished (still need to add serial numbers) macbook sell page too wahoo!!! I had dobuts thinking should use that for game bollocks. Will complete the sell page reckon though. Damnit fear of being angry using it for games. Have been on netbook entire time. Today thus far. Feels great. I do like gaming horizontal NOT sex reference! Likely will order no doz. I also did charity all for this month fsf hole in wall gang nature SWEET. Feel good about that. Tons of ebay bids dang. Feel scared buying stuff but am looking into amazon affiiliate SWEET! Wahoo! OMG I could do apex productivitiy items with links toamazon as affiliate OH that's an awesome idea! See there's big consequences to NOT using macbook for gaming (in addition to selling it more finaciial freedom) if I sell it I have to plan in advance what NOT to use it for I AM HAPPY HAPPY restricting house usgae. LOVE blocking off attic, abomianbel and fanroom!! I may record in kitchentte and may put table there? Hhmm bollocks. Ilike that empty blocking off parts of house is GREAT AND GRAND and makes me happier because I want “less of this” and that gets it!! and it's miniasmlasi sweet. So what if I kept macbook I'd game...high graphics games on it like what? Darksiders hl? L4d? Meh idk rubb prob can do most on rig o0 r liasdtpsdtosdaitjwdasoijsdojwdogfw dell laptwo. Realized asphyxiation resutls in EXTREME anxiety for cats. That's what I feel a LOT of the time so seeing that makes me identify with that emotion in the cat! And identify it with myself true! I may order no doze PLUS jump rope and/or yoga mat (to get it over 25) no doz would be good investment would keep extra in first aid etc. NICE!
Filed under: Uncategorized
Watched my vids evenign yesterday) - chess hfunnily read about tesla badass and dracula lit criticism in basement. Standing desk ROCKS I think a combination of eating a lot and WATCHING my vids has led to alignment. jolly good! h NOT wkfing felt really good. Maybe I should just eat rice nad fish here until fish is gone and then get groceries? IDK doesn't seem like groceries will occur tomorrow (in 6 hours technially) too scary. I strangely feel like thigns I read are trying to help me. I read aout how Reti (or osmeone can't remember) was supposed to study math but studied chess. I LIKE THAT. I love those thigns and wnat to study more math and hcess and do math problems SWEET!!!!!! and chess and classical music OMFG. Strange how something I plan out i basically NEVER do!! So freaked about grocery. holy =hell.= ---------------------- Slept 2am to 1330 dreamdream dreamt jsk flipped off top of 428 and we were horrified thought he died. timboj loser disgusting wanker was like "chilling" outside at spears house and then we found james floating face up in a small pool with back overly arched but was alive and we were like thougth you died and he was like I did. I HATE DISGUSTING BIOFAM. TRUE! Then ?I envisioned wrinkly boobs and spindly boobs and sexy boobs and gross flabby boobs of the danish women to like deglorify boobs. dangit Iwas all ahppay and about to play vid games but worried I would fare better if I did work in ubuntu. DANGIT!! I want to beat half-life and then stuff and I fear playing vid games will prevent me from godo android learnign well I can do that later fuckit . played video games. got VERY annoying. haven'tshoweed in AGES. I like Reading and writing and blogging and coding and drinking tea and classical music and chess. video games have me resort to walkthrough reference every 10 minutes; they are NOT fun it's work and hellish . therefore I may keep macbook but I don't see why I'd ever user it. even fun games (big games) seem bland and dumb. It's VERY likely I will =sell macbook= and cease or diminish greatly playing games; it's also very likely I will sell the macbook! I may get a tattoo and dual lobe ear piercing. /i like that tao and/or A. A I have talked to people about the most which shoulder? right. has to be that's controlled by the left side of brain; =logic. = my new "game" is finishing popp, blogging, THOSE are gamelike!! I like those games much more plus CHESS I am loving chess wahoo. Video games are rubbish really they've become like movies. chess is a real game and qual and strategy and codign logic will be MORE FUN. I am not sacrificing anythng. I am not like "oh I liked those.." meh the gaems are not fun right now even half life I am like this is not fun. writing working is fun lifting stuff eating healthy shit there's NO food. have to udpate cat stuff. FUCKIGN IRATE. INFURIATED. FUCKING F ORMATTING WORDPROCESSORS CANNOT USE THOSE PIECES OF SHIT UNTIL TOTALLY FINISHED. CHANGED CAT LITTER. I CANNOT do voice work authoring blogging vid game coding aI CANNOT do all that shit AND shower and have normal life=-body shit. I AM FREAKING OUT without food. food causes me to wallow and be like Oh I can wait to get rid of or process that because I can wallow in food. So not having practically any food is cause me to freakd out. I think I should WORK in the basement. Sleep in attic and then cat shit and food shit is main floor. i don't GIVE A FUK I don't want to be here. when changing cat litter thought of crap brad pitt drivign to west caost FUCK HIM foasfasqwjfwepoir3j fucking hell. feels good to be moving and doing things having showered.