Rampant Polemic


2009 Aug Journal
September 17, 2009, 1:15 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

kjkjklj

WEARING A SUIT after showered 2nd time, feels MAGICAL and good and COMFORTABLE and healthy and intelligent and fun and GREAT. Ahhh feels relaxing nad GOOD.
Okay what else.  Realized that I don’t want the hollywood, drama, politics, english, maybe computers, ILLUSION and am always running away from the cult of hollywood, family, country, religion and I dont’ want that to interfere nor have a presence in my life ANYMORE ever again
CLEANING felt incredible.  Cleaning the tent, cleaning stuff felt INCREDIBLY aligned and good wow.
I’m considering making a SERIOUS commitmetn nad focus to playing wow.  Like putting in MANY MANY many hours a day and taking it VERY seriously.  RL is unfulfilling, really stupid and menaingless and worst of all, unsafe.  doing the
watching videso and focusing on my past and all journaling and writing brought me NO joy, no clarity, ust definending off people but I don’t need to fend them off I do /ignore lol which is marvelous and GREAT and fulfilling yay!  cool as.
Feel VERY frustrated about computer setup.  The laptop is more comfortable but it’s PUNY.  And the imac is GREAT but it’s uncomfortable using the desk.  so that’s a bit problematic.
I’m not even focusing on the books the furniture, it’s consumed WAY WAY WAY too much of my time those STUPID STUPID pathetic material things OMG ridicuoulsu.
FELT free focusing on   it’s like VERY VERY VERY hard to do things on the computer,  I get the idea to
level up verne
look at my iMovies for self-tehrapy
make tons of gold TONS on philleas
complete philleas grey quests
install ram
clean and put away and eliminate stupid apartment shit.
etc.
I think everything feels MASSIVeLY uncomforagble — Wow, computer things, reads, mindmaps b/c I want to make money. I realized on the hike I don’t have the capacity to manipulative people to get money the way kjlkjlkjlkjlkjlk  sor other people do.  I ALSO remembered that in every job I had had I was abused, toyed with, and treated like shit (xandu, chefs saying idiot, stupid highlighting crap, wouldnt’ let do the coffee crap, etc).  IT’s like an inability to focus like maybe could get TONS of mindenhancing things.
What do I want to do?  I don’t have access to the manipuliatve person type that can make money
I hate intereacting with peopel b/C PEOPLE:
1.  Manipulate me
2.  Get me to buy things and take my money
3.  Try to give me crap, toxic advice.
I am always changing and I am NOT into nlp, nor persuasion, nor ANY of that politcs crap.  that I hate.  I HATE having to decide about beds and furniture crap I HATE that ffs I hate it.
I feel VERY stressed and scared and UNCOMFORTABLE because I CANNOT and will not be in calabaas adn will die if I DO this place is REVOLTING and disgusting and toxic and it”s like impossible to focus ffs I hate this place OMG.  WOW.  I need caffeine.  I REALLY need caffeine ffs.
Astronomy, Calculus, chemistry,
the LAG in the game is HORRENDOUS truly DISGUSTINGLY intorlerabel there’s constnat lag OMG it’s vile I have to reinstall all  system software prob. and do non case senseivet and NEVER visit booby sites again and basically be very caerefol of what I use on the computer
if there’s heinous lag, it’s impossible to enjoy the game, to enjoy AnYTHING with computer, lag is horrendous if it’s not inasosjfosdjflksdfjsdlkfjsdlk sdjlk sdlfk sdjlksd jksdl jslk fjslkjslksdjsdsdklf jsdlkasdjl if it’s not instantaneous INSTANTIOUS  it’s anot fun.
other ideas, HaC is a NUB guild. complete nub guild.  and I want my mains to be the best. very serious about tha.t  completely serious.
they’re like my bio fam ffs!! That’s scary by that I mean they make a HUGE deal out of helping people, just for the sake of helping them , which is nice, but it’s annoying becuase htey stay nub and don’t learn things.  Wow .  Using hte iMac with the lag makes me feel VERY angry VERY, and being on the carpet too.
it’s like all these resources with wow etc. yikes.
Felt Good to talk on wow.
OMG i’m not going anywhere iwth this guild. what do you WANT. I’d like to complete my quests and high level  content.  okay I think I need to keep typing.  I’m AFRAID of people.  VERY afraid of people .  because peoople have toxic beliefs.
the guild doesn’t do anything.  it’s kind of bleak in a way.  it doens’t move forward, it’s a lot like calalbasas.  But then I fear that high end content woudl be problematic because not nie peopel
GOOD guild =
GOOD players non noob.  AND VERY NICE
HUGE realiztion  ACTING and communicating kind of like adult but iwth the moral thought process of kid like hhmm I don’t think I like this b/c hard to advance to new content.  I’ll leave haclotto to socialize but  i aoidsjfsdf
VERY concerned about focusing on things that don’t move life forward.
VERY VERY concerned about new apartment b/c 1) I don’t like dealing with people and credit checks
other altas
Could SELL EVERYTHING literaly everything
GET
iphone 3gS
17″ laptop
large backpack,
go to Aus.
wow I hate that guild ffs.
I want to do massive math problems but I DON’t because I’m not absolute cerain that’s what I want.
don’t do barely any of something (evne though smething I VERY mUCH TRST) b/c uncertain if its wat aj
AB:   I did this junior year with chem, b/c I thought it would be too hard
A¬B:   was certain but barely did it, yeah if I was “saving it” b/c liked it
¬AB:  did a lot of it even though wasnt’ cetain; YEAH religion crap, humanities note-taking bullshit crap!
¬A¬B:   did do what I want and was absolute certain..hhmmmmmmwell I ‘m not certain about it now but I was about exercise runnign and did tons of that.
apply to self:  again this is like thinking about doing something if you ahd a tremendous amount of concidence in something food, lifestyle, peopel etc, and you didn’t act on that, that would make you feel pretty pathetic no? yer.
intention:  intention is to “close up” the bullshit stuff i’ve wasted time on which is a lame intention. another hting is math stuff requreis tons of focus which is why I like it
consequence: of diong this is I experience Energy drain of indecision, pain, uncertainty, doubt, and the LOst positive experience of moving forward with that good thing!
hierarchy of criteria:  if you have  a TON of confidence that xyz thing wil make ur life better, isn’t it more important ot plan and massively schedule in stuff for it?
chunk down: you don’t set the time and paper and calculator out and actually do a handful of math problems even though you blab and post “math” reminders around room and have tremendous confidence in the clarity and fulfillment math will bring.
chunk up:  you have something that could be very aligning but you don’t do problems from it on regular basis because you don’t simply clear the table and get paper nad calc!
reality strategy:  this operates from reality you have certainty to do tsomething but you NEVER have 100% (even in most precise science well okay there’s osmetims 100% but 100% certainy is rare like water always will be frozen at 0 K etc.  but certainy is great and I think we’re certain enough.  100% certainty has been rpreq for doing new things and that slows awsome thigns. if you need 100% then approach it iwht 1005 certainty and then know that can change or say trying it out even though not 100% but very hightgreat
evidence: evidence that I have done this is all the “math compilation, thinking of doing math podacst if dopodcast/youtube will ONLY be math, have invested in princeotn reveiw math book, math is big and I’ve only read some of it.
as-if limiting belief 100% dissolved:  I’d do the problems, feel clear, and would have sceudle and would probably look forward to the mental engagement and mind clarity of the puzzles for sure.
WHY the computer lag REALLY doesn’t work.  Because i click on a a music file to start and then move on to the next task but if I have lag I stand their lagging around the same task and it’s, to say the least, massively intoxicating and frustraing and toxic.
IONO what to do about haricut.
I REALLY feel
okay

I always feel intimidated and threatne by smart people  but then fearful of utilizing my full and comprehensive vocabulary with unintelligent people frankly.  What was the allure to wow?  Frnakly it was the ability to communicate in text without facial expression, tone, nor body langauge,  I excelled there and enjoyed it.

TRy communicating in computer speek
Solve Problems;
if (have problem && don’t know how to solve it)
{
rand1 (1-10) && rand2 (1-10)  if rand 1 = rand 2 do rand again
rand 1= execute LimitingBeliefDissolver;
rand 2 =  execute Frames;
rand 3 = examine mindmap NLP;
rand 4 = swish;
rand 5 = submodality change;
rand 6 = compare contrast;
rand 7 = tote;
rand 8 = logical levels ECBIS;
rand 9 = theatre of mind;
rand 10 = dock of the bay;
rand 11 = timelines
rand 12 = double-disaccoiation
rand 13 = cartoon;
}
do
{
stay in guild
}
while ( guild  == easy to earn shards, emblems, gear && ppl are nice && ppl are not demanding )
OMFG the lag on the imac is 1. INTOLERABLE.  2.  ENRAGING unaccepatable
What if I didn’t have computer stuff?
I feel awful
I hate crap
I HATE how LONG it takes to change things. like replace imac for laptop
I HATE all my indecision. I HATE IT I HATE IT.  I hate how I WANT verne in own guild with muliepl tabs for storage etc. and I can’t take this lag
What do I desp
I HATE this computer.  The lag is 100% nintolerable it’s INToiiojd
I’m enraged.  ENRAGED . Nothing changes.
tiem to start experimentingin with things. I may need to just start doing things like if I want to level up verne, just level him up, if I want ot delete the bed, delete it, if I want ot go to SB for 4 days, go there, if I want ot move to canada, move there, if I want to move to melbourne, move there. I CAN’T do those things b/c of not having money.  nothing works in my life.  I need less less and less, when did I accumulate hte
Surfboards — bought it randomly when with parents HELL
bike — randomly hated it
furnituet made me buy it etc.
My vocabulary is ENORMOUS by utilizing my enormous vocabulary, problems will decombose, dissolve and simply unravel. calculus sponors and embodies the epiphany of reliaty menaing that reality will emerge and my ability to control and manipulate reality will emerge upon doing calculus problems. that, needless to say causes a remarkable source of clarity.
okay at this time of day feel like energy has sluggishified, feel drained and lost and in hell I LOVED learning a bout ocntrapostive WOW I LOVED constrapaosij
I HATE my mom.
OKay doing some more writing to try to feel clear.  I feel WAY overheated, stressed. etc hell
okay!! that evernote is a fucking piece of shit. Word indeed drop box and gdocs are great. Gdocs is TERriFICALY awesome and tehn can keep it only active docs with the mains stuff in dropbox rad! or on mobile me idksi kk

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August 20, 2009 — 6:28 AM
I HATE THESE PEOPLE AND WANT THEM TORTURED
My HATRED And desire to inflict pain upon The following people is VERY STRONG.  The desire to have them tortured for the amount of suffering they’ve caused me.  The greatest foes of all are my parents, but my hatred and MASSIVE anger towards the following people is meritted, warranted, and understandable.  These following people I WOULD be OVERJOYED to see tortured and killed especially ssk and tdk of whom I’d like to be bled to death.  The people are:

TOXIC PEOPLE TOXIC

  • Dr. Ngueyn   — prohibiting me from the AP Chem class that I wanted to take that HE KNEW I wanted to talk
  • Coach Bauer — getting me out of soccer
  • Coach Daley — For being a militant, freak fuckhead during highschool years.
  • MOST all americans — for wasting my life, my time, for being losers and thus making me a loser,
  • SSK — for being revolting, toxic, destructive, emotionally abuse, orwellian, brainwashing, domineering, despotic icy, cruel, greedy, and bullying. My mom turns men’s mind’s to slush.  My mom demasculinated my father.  My mom is a demon.  My mom is A HELL brainwasher woman.  She’s a demon. She’s a corrupt, intoxicating, freakishly disturbed loser.  She’s nurse Ratchet, the manchurian candidate brainwasher person.  She’s like the emperor. my mom makes men minions. My mom COMPLETELY emasculated my father.  My father’s writing was crisp, bold, clear with managing new products and innovation.  It became meek, weak, feeble, childish, girlsih under the seductive, and TOXIC impact of ssk.  She’s a demon.
  • TDK — for being deceiving, deceitful, manipulative, exploitative, mocking, and revolting (clearly my anger towards ssk is far greater, in fact my anger towards ssk could be considered to be 10x as great as my desire to see my father die horribly, maybe I don’t want my father to die, maybe just my mohter).  I kind of have pity for tdk and i just see him as a baby i reckon.  For MAking me change out of Calculus. HOW REVOLTING.  My parents made me Change out of calculus. I remember how the light seemed to fade in that chem room when they pulled me out of calculus. AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL.   I do not run anymore.  Running distracted me from the IMPORTANT math it caused me to “be able to do” things I never wanted to do.  So running just perpetuates things that you don’t like doing because it makes the things I wouldn’t normally do (driving, stupid humanities SHIT, humanities is such a revolting waste of time it should be prohibited from being taught in schools).  Forcing me to see John Cooper (Whom I DID NOT LIKE) when I AM interested in SCIENCE, and for pulling me out of Calculus. and for encouraging running, which I HATE. he’s like a she; he’s like the emperor or darht vader. he’s loser warlock.
  • Most all californians — whom, like kyle forsythe, distracted me and made me feel revolting and whom are ALL TOXIC.
  • ALL Actors — Who wasted ENORMOUS amounts of my time and life as I delayed my life away from calculus and computer science and chem, the IMPORTANT things.
  • TIm Fuller — for saying I’ll never write a term paper
  • Most all CC Professors including caresse and ESPECIALLY murray — who criticized my capacity, tried to put me down, Why didn’t all the other brilliant geniuses like myself get put down by loser, pathetic, revolting, disgusting women?
  • Maya — Whom I’d like to be tortured, her eyes poked out, and slowly beheaded and bones crushed.
  • Breck — yeah i’d like that guy to die a slow tormented death too
  • tony robbins nad most all self-help people I’d love to see tortured and killed for making my life hell and WASTING my life for self-help books nad pulling me away from chem, calculus, computer science.
  • BIO FAm — for making me feel like I am always wrong, always inadequate, always less intelligent, always less wrothy, always having a probem
  • Jan Enright — for “terminatiing me”
  • The woman who said I can’t go in there re the chicago orchestra hall (when I will go in their and then I’ll rip her ears off and killl her.
  • ALL THE New Age, sellf-help people who have tried to offer me TOXIC foul, revolting advice — Lazelle, Aparna, Maya, most these fat, stupid, dimwitted, loser, lost pathtetic women.
  • Malibu Canyon Apartment people (ALL of them except james robinson and maximillien jung, who were failry okay) — I want them slaughtered, annihilated, and viciously tortured for such REVOLTING , GREEDY prices and for resemblign some of the most toxic people I’ve ever met, maya, breck, melissa, the teenfreeom people logan.
  • All the women who wanted to trap me by making me sit down.
  • ALL the prosetylizing Costa Ricans INCLUDING alex castro, all christian surfers, Those HORRIBLE cor, parker, emotionally abusive FUCKHEAD people.
  • Shakespeare — for writing really stupid crap.
  • I think Dr. Schultz — for being so distracing and scattered in teaching
  • I think mrs. campbell — for bieng such a poor math teacher.
  • Frellick, Hardgetgan — For being ABUSIVE acting people.
  • that computer science stanford woman – -b/c you don’t go on committes and you DO NOT major in breadth, you major in highly specialized field ONLY. just like Taletns, you Specialize in a Spec ffs.

THOSE PEOPLE INDIRECTLY AND DIRECTLY Caused hte following in me:To Destructively delay and detour and digress and distract away from INVALUABLE Calculus, Computer Science, ChemistryWhat’s VERY Strange is many of these people I dedicated my book too.  But just so I am ABSOLUTELY CLEAR with myself.  The above people I LOATHE and HATE and want them TORTURED massively.

ALL
I don’t want to forgive them.  I two things:  I want vengaance and them to suffer.  and 2) I want victory (calculus, financialy money in bank account any currency, chemistry, swimming, good apartment, JOB, computer science).

I listened to this standford podcast by a woman talking about all these math concepts I love.  I felt enraged quickly because she was selling hte school and I hated that.  She was a woman and I hate women.

So the above people all wronged me in the same way, they pinioned me away from somethign I wanted, be it to study a certain subject or success or most significanlty, money.Basically If I had stayed focused on and ONLY on soccer, chemistry, calculus, and computer science 100% and studied that in school (and swimming Nystrom I hope dies a horrible death too basically all people who made what I WANT — classical music, calculus, chemistry, soccer, swimming — so inaccessible
I want those people to bleed, and experience tremendous pain (which is what they’ve indirectly caused me to experience after all) I want them to experience massive, uncontrollably destructive pain and then die.
Maybe I hate all those people because they’re all losers.

And then I ‘d want to study those subjectes I like.
ALL those people led to the incredible distractiosn of self-help books, suring and surfboards, biking . I HATE those things.  Yes, I hate biking.  Yes, surfing is retard.  My father’s SUITS.  YES RETARDED and I hate them.
WHo are Acceptable People  — UPLIFTING PEOPLE UPLIFTINGMost Australians — they’r neutral or okayIRish people — the one’s I’ve met are Strong, bold, true GOOD, and FUNNY Slanick.British -most british are very solidDawkins — for giving me extra boost to trust in what I know is Right and wrong UNIVERSALLY.Newton, Andrew Wiles, Leibnitz — all math people.Apple and computer people.Slanick -GREATKhanacademy guy — FRIENDKRITZBERG — LOVELY, EXCELLENT PERSON and TEACHERFeynman — seems cool asRV Rahbar VIRK — AWESOME AS.  AWESOME As.  Like Slanick. fast-talking, brilliant So smart and not stuck up. AWESOME GOOD.

Scooter – Neutral

Wow.  This imac is SOOOOOOO MUCH better than other computers!  This rocks! I LOVE This imac!
PROBLEMS:Body.  I HATE taking care of it.  I HATE running.  well I HATE running California.  That’s FOR SURE.  I hate running in America.  I might like it in canada.

AB:  hat running esp in america. always?  yep I think so, hated it even when alexa and after latin, remember laying in stairwell  not wanting to ru \n and eating banaan powerbar and then running felt WAY overwhelemed I didn’t like that much  but after running is sometimes okay
A¬B:   hate runnign not in america…less o.  hhmmm umm london i didn’t hate it. was kind of peaceful in mornings but still was very hard to do because so monotonous, bland, disconcerting. ut i mean exercise was refreshing.
¬AB:  liked running and in america.  not really evermabe on mammoth cave spelunking but even that was not so interestign in running
¬A¬B: runnign was okay and not in america    ran in costa rica, mexico, AUS, Med cruise, many other places and running was neutral didn’t love it, didn’t hate it . i hate it in america. true kk.
apply to self:   this is like almost self-hurting bheavioar?
intention: intention is to stay aligned
consequence: is struggle and meh
hierarchy of criteria: more important ot stay aligned yes but to find way that feels smooth?
chunk down: moving physicolgoy quickly over gravel ground dislike in usa.  Isn’t it more LIKELY that yeah running is so-so but that you dislike just MOST things in usa b/c u dislike usa?!! yes!
chunk up: enivorment makes soemthing less enjoyabl
reality strategy:hate running i dont’ really care, i just need exercise for a boost and alignment sometims so I exercise. it’s not fun, but w/e hat’s my relaity strategy. a better one would be exercise that feels very uplifting etc.
evidence:massive evidence, running skyrockets and exercise in generall typicallly outside of usa hell crap
as-if limiting belief 100% dissolved:  would stay in great shape, has stess free, non-annoying, smooth aactually fun without people infterferecne crap comb it’s okay  running is and exercise whatever is-sos
SOLUTION: exercise and do more OUT of usa ffs i notehr other.
nominalizations:
Okay…..
can’t clean apt.  my processs of getting hte furniture ouf of apartment is a bit sluggish and not as fast going as I am liking.
PROBLEM:
I want to trust my own voice more and be more “mentally contained” instead of randomly talking, I wanto to be like on regular basis EXCELLENT exaclty like how was with  after the hike and ignored that dude totally good rad!
AB:
A¬B:
¬AB:
¬A¬B:
apply to self:
intention:
consequence:
hierarchy of criteria:
chunk down:
chunk up:
reality strategy:
evidence:
as-if limiting belief 100% dissolved:
August 23, 2009 — 1:44 PM
PROBLEM:  I WANT to and MUST Do things i plan them and then like wait around for people to suggest me to do thigns like sell the stuff because when someone else suggests it I feel it’s “right and then I must do it” which is RETARDED and makes my life slow b/c I end up waiting around for ppl to telll me to do thigns that I already know I want to do and should do.  I want the capacity to direct myself more well I kind of do that ina snaertravel but with big sellign thigns

August 23, 2009 — 6:43 PM

#####—August 23, 2009—When I have to or WANT to go (ike in deadmines with elfye), i want the capacity to give myself permission to leave! YES guilt-free, smoohtly, naturally.

PROBLEM:I HATE HATE HATE HATE Interacting with buffoons nad americans but need them to buy my stuff.
I always second guess sales and doubt myself in the sale process, which I HATE doing
PROBLEM:My pain from working SO hard on thigns I HATE — the blogging, the podcasts (well podcasts are soso okay) — and NOT getting PAID for it coupled with how revoltingly LIFE sidetracked and life unsuccessful toe Toxic people toxic listed above make me feel so revolting and so pained that I retreat from life into book and virtual reality world which is very necesary at times.
PROBLEM:I only move away from pain (massive pain) and want ot do both, move away from pain AND toward pleasure, springboarding.
PROBLEM:AMERICA IS GAY.  America is a GAY STUPID country. America is NOT COOL.  It’s full of stupid clothe NO STYLE, NON-QUALIYT, ABSSENCE of Quality.  America is like a honda everyone driving honda.  Europe is like viper, it’s like horse and buggy, it’s like convertible jeep. It’s ALL good in europe. Europe is COOl, ADVANCED, high tech, QUALITY, FAst-talking GOOD PEOPLE.Americans are HOLLOW losers obsessed with money. Americans are DORKS.  Americans are pathetic, waste of life losers who think that “everything is in their pathetic vacant, void country” when NOTHING is in america.  America is a hollow husk full of braindead idiots.  The only problem with that is that I’m in that awful country.  Americans are OBSESSED wtih “looking good” and “being good” but they fail 100% americans are fuckhead pathetic losers.  Europeans WIN.  Americas are LOSERS.  Americas are ALL lsoers in life.  Slanick is winner.  europeans are STYLE.  SOPHISTICATED.  Americans are toddler babies NAIVE ignorant pathetic people. Europleans are ADVANCED and sophiscated and INTELLIGENT and Europe is a Life UPGRADE. America is a DOWNGRADE, america is living in a STUCK non-evolving life.  Europe is MORE EVOLTED>  AMERICA IS GREEDY and Empty and Dimwitted.  Europe is Briliant, sharp, FUN, UNIQUE AND ORIGINAL  America is an INFECTION disease of desiring Greedy Materialism that leads you

AMERICA is an ADVERTISEMENT.  America is a bunch of FAT IDIOTS obsessed with losing weight but never able to. PATHETIc.  AMERICA is a GIANT COUNTRY ADVERTISEMENT set of pathetic SHIT.
NOWEHRE.How will this end??
How will my indecision on dealing with/ deleetingdeleting My dad’s suitsdeleting  all these furnituretransporting my imac, upgrading iphone, upgrading macbook pro 17″moving to a place out of americadeleting all the non2009 booksDeleting the bookdelieting both surfboardsstudyign and devoting my life to calculus, chemistry, computer science, probably using NLP to help make the changes I want.Feeling vengeance has occurred to the above hitlist.EARNING MONEYFinally getting off gay’ass dath’remar server.

Majoring in Math/Computers?   Maybe ^^

ONE DEFINITE ENDING = I AM A SCIENTIST. DONE.  DEFINITE. 100% CERTAINTY.  YES!! I am NOT an actor, a radio host, a performer, a dancer.  Music is acceptable but all those other things I AM NOT . I am a bloody frickin SCIENTIST. YES.  all otehr thigns are trash!!!GOOD MEMORYThomas playing I like to move it move.  Why? Because active, fun, no money concern, action-packed, not caring about what brother was like, just being active, not working out, not trying to “improve” anything, just fun good not cool, not funny, just amusing good solid song
I did the recordingsn adn audio journals so I could be quick in my voice to ward off all the toxic people, which is a GREAT skill, but then I just am 95% to 100% fending off peopel which is great, but it’s neutral. uplifitng would be all them fended offo AND AND AND I move forward wtih .  AMERICA is PURE LOSERS.

VerneAGM TrinketHunter TunicDustEnchantsGank newbs
PhilPVP gear?

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MORE realization!!
All those BAR scenes were sooooooooo gay and retarded.  ALL THE PUA shit was ALL SO GAY and retarded.
karaoke was so-so.  The day I got beatup was likely a night I was very aligned internally, but obviously VERY with the WRONG people. the fat, loser, idiostic american people. Get out of america.  You will NEVER Thrive in america.  The entire country is toxic. ALL the chicago bars, ALL the santa barbara bars, ALL the los angeles bars ALL so gay, stupid, fag loser, BUFFOON advertisers pathetic people

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August 21, 2009 — 4:52 AM
Okahy, FEELING TREMENDOUS.  1.  Ran/walked/NLP envisioned on trail for about 1.5 hours really. 230ish to 4ish.  Showered before and after the trail. on the trail, envisioned torturing ssk, tdk, nguey, bauer, daley, people who didn’t hire me, etc. EXCELLENT.  And Most importantly made the profound connection with how we’re all here because of the goldilocks effect and astronomy, etc. VERY” RAD.  goldilocks effect etc. Tortured SSK And tdk b/c:they deluded me into getting interested in things I was not interested in (computers to some extent, judge, cooper ,psychology).not helping me when I needed it in life (to earn money, etc).ssk for being manipualtive cruel etc et.c

FElt TREMENDOUS freedom NOT talking to and completely IGNORING that stupid american when he said “hey what’s up or hey how’s it going?” Just hopped in car and sped off. THAT Felt GREAT.  It made me feel smart! excellent.  Ten things that MAke Americans RETARDED:1.  Toxic beliefs.”Chasing the bigger box” syndromeGas-guzzling car obsessionOut of touch with naturePollution — light, car pollution, etc.Stupidity, Unintelligencewidescreen tv watching, mind numnessuniformityConformity, group thingillusion that their country is the best when ti’s the worstlack of quality, no originality.2.  Obsession with luxury and opulence.

WEARING A SUIT after showered 2nd time, feels MAGICAL and good and COMFORTABLE and healthy and intelligent and fun and GREAT. Ahhh feels relaxing nad GOOD.

Okay what else.  Realized that I don’t want the hollywood, drama, politics, english, maybe computers, ILLUSION and am always running away from the cult of hollywood, family, country, religion and I dont’ want that to interfere nor have a presence in my life ANYMORE ever againCLEANING felt incredible.  Cleaning the tent, cleaning stuff felt INCREDIBLY aligned and good wow.

Okahy, FEELING TREMENDOUS.  1.  Ran/walked/NLP envisioned on trail for about 1.5 hours really. 230ish to 4ish.  Showered before and after the trail. on the trail, envisioned torturing ssk, tdk, nguey, bauer, daley, people who didn’t hire me, etc. EXCELLENT.  And Most importantly made the profound connection with how we’re all here because of the goldilocks effect and astronomy, etc. VERY” RAD.  goldilocks effect etc. Tortured SSK And tdk b/c:they deluded me into getting interested in things I was not interested in (computers to some extent, judge, cooper ,psychology).not helping me when I needed it in life (to earn money, etc).ssk for being manipualtive cruel etc et.c

August 30, 2009 — 3:50 PM

computers i actually like and are clarifying like math

FElt TREMENDOUS freedom NOT talking to and completely IGNORING that stupid american when he said “hey what’s up or hey how’s it going?” Just hopped in car and sped off. THAT Felt GREAT.  It made me feel smart! excellent.  Ten things that MAke Americans RETARDED:1.  Toxic beliefs.”Chasing the bigger box” syndromeGas-guzzling car obsessionOut of touch with naturePollution — light, car pollution, etc.Stupidity, Unintelligencewidescreen tv watching, mind numnessuniformityConformity, group thingillusion that their country is the best when ti’s the worstlack of quality, no originality.2.  Obsession with luxury and opulence.

WEARING A SUIT after showered 2nd time, feels MAGICAL and good and COMFORTABLE and healthy and intelligent and fun and GREAT. Ahhh feels relaxing nad GOOD.

Okay what else.  Realized that I don’t want the hollywood, drama, politics, english, maybe computers, ILLUSION and am always running away from the cult of hollywood, family, country, religion and I dont’ want that to interfere nor have a presence in my life ANYMORE ever againCLEANING felt incredible.  Cleaning the tent, cleaning stuff felt INCREDIBLY aligned and good wow.

I’m considering making a SERIOUS commitmetn nad focus to playing wow.  Like putting in MANY MANY many hours a day and taking it VERY seriously.  RL is unfulfilling, really stupid and menaingless and worst of all, unsafe.  doing the
watching videso and focusing on my past and all journaling and writing brought me NO joy, no clarity, ust definending off people but I don’t need to fend them off I do /ignore lol which is marvelous and GREAT and fulfilling yay!  cool as.
Feel VERY frustrated about computer setup.  The laptop is more comfortable but it’s PUNY.  And the imac is GREAT but it’s uncomfortable using the desk.  so that’s a bit problematic.
I’m not even focusing on the books the furniture, it’s consumed WAY WAY WAY too much of my time those STUPID STUPID pathetic material things OMG ridicuoulsu.
FELT free focusing on   it’s like VERY VERY VERY hard to do things on the computer,  I get the idea tolevel up vernelook at my iMovies for self-tehrapymake tons of gold TONS on philleascomplete philleas grey questsinstall ramclean and put away and eliminate stupid apartment shit.  etc.
I think everything feels MASSIVeLY uncomforagble — Wow, computer things, reads, mindmaps b/c I want to make money. I realized on the hike I don’t have the capacity to manipulative people to get money the way busines sor other people do.  I ALSO remembered that in every job I had had I was abused, toyed with, and treated like shit (xandu, chefs saying idiot, stupid highlighting crap, wouldnt’ let do the coffee crap, etc).  IT’s like an inability to focus like maybe could get TONS of mindenhancing things.
What do I want to do?  I don’t have access to the manipuliatve person type that can make money
I hate intereacting with peopel b/C PEOPLE:
1.  Manipulate me2.  Get me to buy things and take my money3.  Try to give me crap, toxic advice.

I am always changing and I am NOT into nlp, nor persuasion, nor ANY of that politcs crap.  that I hate.  I HATE having to decide about beds and furniture crap I HATE that ffs I hate it.

I feel VERY stressed and scared and UNCOMFORTABLE because I CANNOT and will not be in calabaas adn will die if I DO this place is REVOLTING and disgusting and toxic and it”s like impossible to focus ffs I hate this place OMG.  WOW.  I need caffeine.  I REALLY need caffeine ffs.  Astronomy, Calculus, chemistry,

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August 21, 2009 — 9:14 PM

the doors really SUCK. really bad singing and lame disconnected cheesy SLOPPY music.
EWW!! No wonder things were so sloppy junior year.  The doors are a slippy band. they ahve sloppy, disheveled, sloppy. horrendous music. wild child and  runnin’ blue sounds like a song just thrown together in like 5 minutes when drunk it’s almost RETARDED. just horrendous music. lol. so disorganized and STUPID> I hate the doors. TRUE.
In contrast. STARK contrast I LOVE Douglas  adams Hichthikers gudie to tha galalxy! H2G2.

TOP 5 ThiNG SLOWING the move

Dealing with ppl to sell the stuff
Indecision on the belongings
Hatred for where I am
Fear of going outside
Not knowing where moving too.
Other hindrances and daze effects

  1. The cold feels like mono sleepiness
  2. indecision about wow chars
  3. no caffeine
  4. fear of people thinking I’m a fat idiot
  5. making BIG decisions and new territory like selling car  if decide to sel  (SOLUION: do it just like ssk and tdk hell people did on ebay)
  6. The DEcision part and the Doer part blend!! The doer tries to become decision-maker etc which discombublates ENTIRE thing.
  7. uncertaity of what should be listening to now — wow? math? physics? classical music? computer science? aus? europe? shnikeys.
    1. Uncertainty of what do with free time.
  8. having lost belief that derren brown is what I want to do, it likely isn’t
  9. having peeled off the bubble of thinking this is okay and peeled off I realize it’s incredibly not and massively toxic.
  10. exhaustion from indecision and constantly trying to make up thousands of decisions
  11. not going through hell of starting podcast products, so not talking
  12. having arrived here so abruptly (australia was planned)
  13. shocking realizatong that all the people I’ve htought were friends, were NOT! (city day, acting corps crap, wow, shit)
  14. inability to take action esp with chars like verne b/c fear of timing but i guess that’s simple.  1.  Turn on exp. level to 29. turn off exp. get help in STV tunic quest and Gnomer triprunner pants. done. cool as.  wanting more on wow etc.  maybe wow isn’t good?
  15. not having a job!
  16. not knowing how i’ll make money
  17. having no friends
  18. multitasking so many books: physics, classical music, various fiction (sherlock holmes etc), calculus, NLP, doige.
6. Decision doer
This one is HUGE. If I could go into a decision mode and spend time like in an idea bubble, making the best decisions. and then stop, break state and go into Doer mode and just do all the decisions I had 100% certianty definded on in idea buble mode, then thigns would be gravy and i would feel great
how to implet tehis?
this solves a problem UNTIL the ABC solution is acquired or 30 minutes have gone on the solution time.
if (need to make decision)
do
{
put on idea/aus hat;
solve problem;
plan;
brainstorm;
mindmap;
tons of nlp tricks:
while (ABC action solved action == null || solution time <= 30 minutes);
Regarding wow.
iono if like it, makes me feel very intoicated at times sometime.
I think wow was just another illusion peeling away just like acting was CRAP FUCK!!!!   So what isn’t illusio ncrap that I can connect with? Math .  music?
hunters aren’t that bad, have hated it b/c left game for six months and then gear sucked so got mauled in pvp, but doing higher end game stuff makes me like hunter more. and compelteing quests
is wow waste of time ? or is it okay?
REALLY BIG. Everyone whom I thought wer efriends ended up NOT being friends.  TRUE!!!!!!   thinkg were friend, nnot friends.
AB: ACTINg people (they never returned calls) ; the y just used me;  WOW people (sol is  aDICK LOSER whom I HATE.  am never helps, they all blew me off when I visited wow. THey are NOT firends they’re wanker jerk offs)  latin ppl and cc people no contanct, even city day ppl no reunion not friends either.   Ihave no friends!
A¬B:Thing wewer friends, but were.   drew? nah
¬AB:  didn’t think friend, and ruly wasn’t.  speciicaly said Mom NOT a friend, and taht’s true
¬A¬B:      didnt’ think was friend, but was..  iono
apply to self:
intention:
consequence:
hierarchy of criteria:
chunk down:
chunk up:
reality strategy:
evidence:
as-if limiting belief 100% dissolved:
MAybe need to do pure planning mode. what to plan?
Things that need final 100% certainty decision and then 100% just Doer-mode-the-decision.
reading plan for all the books
dsciaring firuniture
boxing up stuff
computer file better synch
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CRUCIAL CHOICE-POINTS
WHERE I SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP and made POOR decisions that resulted in pain, anguish, stress, decreaed productivity, andn increased confusion for me.
09/2000 Junior year classes.  changed eating habits so didn’t have grounded focus for school in non-travel mode. didnt’ decide on them, and then couldn’t handle decision process os bailed.
09/2002-11/2005 — college classes, couldn’t decide on any of them.
NOT deciding on science lcasses those two choice points simply fucked up my life ever sicne then resulting in this wandering amongst imbeciles in
bars
stupid places
congregations of stupidity
toxic religious ppl etc.
CRUCIAL CHOICE POINT SOLUTION.
SOLUTION: For any tought decision,  if( ask “Will Doing/Not doing/ Taking/Not taking, Discarding/Not disarding N thing result in pain, anguish, stress, decreaed productivity, andn increased confusion for me == “yes”)
Do !N;  / /Do NOT do that! Do the opposite (not N ie ¬N ie !N)
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Aus JOURNAL
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class and race

race might be gnome
class might be rogue or healer something
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August 25, 2009 — 1:39 AM

August 25, 2009 — 1:20 AM

okay, reasons why have been MASSIVELY depressed past 2 weeks:
1.  mourning, some loss thing re jonathon vos or mad that he smoked , realized h might be loser/enemy etc b/c of smoking and drinking; that made me feel REALLY shitty. realized he might not be friend after all.     which was a jolt, alarming and upsetting and frightening because if I can’t determine friends whom can I trust?
2.  wanting different outcome from aus.
3.  getting dumped back in hell place that I had to put energy into avoiding the ill effects
4.  shoving stuff in my mouth instead of communicating out of it.
5.  anger towards my parents for putting me in this hell spot.

Wanting to MOVE TO EUROPE FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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math puzzle
abs(n) is max(n, -n)
max(9, 2)    is abs(if max x-y,   y-x
cool as!!! I REALLY REALLY like that math puzzle site. GREAT!
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old signature
John Thomas “Kooz” Kuczmarski ———————— ———————— “Validity Inspires from Within.” Lifecoach, CPC-InProgress Validate Your Life Founder Performer & Author ———————— ———————— http://www.validatelife.com http://www.validateyourlife.com Main Blog: http://validatelife.blogspot.com Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/johnkooz Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Kuczmarski/30001289 Myspace:http://www.myspace.com/kuczmarski Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/johntkucz ———————— ———————— “Validity Inspires from Within.”
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SEnt ot Wow Radio
Have listened to turpster’s PUG, Total biscuit’s Blue Plz, and while those are exceptional, Slanik’s Vendor Trash is epic. This are talented, highly-amusing, quality broadcasters. They’re much better than any terrestrial/normal radio broadcasting I’ve heared (granted, the topic and subject/content is more intriguing than typical radio and I have favoritism to european/british radio), but objectively, these podcasts are incredible. Thanks. Very amusing, entertaining, informative, and insightful. cheers. one of my casts: http://validateyourlife.com/podcast/podcastmain/Validate_Life_Podcast/Validate_Life_Podcast.html — jtk phil
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reflection.
was in grocery line and women said it w 15 items only. i didn’t hear her so this guy said” I think she’s galking to you now. ”   that reminded me of when Jaci said “cleo’s talking to me now” when I was SEETHING and nagry and she told me about workign in hospitical or some crap.  hhmm which reminded me of the stripper nurse from surfer’s paradise near sincity.  interesting.    like cleo from the past maybe?  the biggest quesiton is why did she talk to me when I was seethign and couldnt’ handle things?   idk does it matter? not really. maybe she thought I was more geniuine with emotions then?  idk. should write a full aus journal prol
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realized I want winners
winners in social sesne (hunters and co) and winners in the getting gear and content sense (defintely NOT hunters and co) I want both.  I ditched bio fam b/c they’re losers in gear slightly nd in social def.
I may be Chaotic Neutral.  yes.  2004-2007 I was def Neutral Good.
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it’s strange how things that were such key points of afriendship (like maraudon tree, quickly become dangerous areas that become negative anchors keeping peopel locked into unfortunate uncertainties.
maybe hunters and co was like the family, the living out my father-shit  (showing people the end bosses, theradras like dad’s r-rated movie and theme park visits the “whammo! jurassic park showing rare, scary, or stuff that will leve us in awe or something” , website, being generous with gear (gifts), having guild lotto something like stock contest maye, tryign ot make things fun, expensive guild banks (houss etc), etc like  and doing all the writing was living out the mother-ssk-shit. so I graduated from both of those  which is terrific and now can focus on only me.
highlights of HaC, kitepractice, maraudon, vent, guild lotto, insane guild runs for lowlevels (most got annoying as fuck!!)
alignmed Chaotic Neutral.  basiclaly very self-serving.  great.
EXCELLENT reads
basically the south africa iads thing. matthias rath tries to get people off drugs that could save them and take phony drugs and sues people who stop him, and one guys reprot of it. meh idc i don’t car dilligaf.
more intreisting is Machine learnign AI, MRIs etc.  IREALLY DESERVER Nd want to see the results of that MRI scan for neurosceicne understand and it’s MY MY MY brain FFS FOR FUCKS SUCK bloody hell I should be able to see the results of MY OWN brain FFS i took the mri!!!  I deserve that.
computer stuff very intersr.
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August 25, 2009 — 4:36 PM
VIDEO GAMES
RI scans can produce cross sectional images in any direction from top to bottom, side to side, or front to back. The problem with original MRI technology was that while it provides a detailed assessment of the physical appearance, water content, and many kinds of subtle derangements of structure of the brain (such as inflammation or bleeding), it fails to provide information about the metabolism of the brain (i.e. how actively it is functioning) at the time of imaging. A distinction is therefore made between “MRI imaging” and “functional MRI imaging” (fMRI), where MRI provides only structural information on the brain while fMRI yields both structural and functional data.
Psycho Mantis from emtal gear solid and Gonan from zelda made top bosses on ALL three lists.  psycho sounds coolest.  Also,  Video gmes have been, are, nd likely will be a HUGE part of my life
from
MKs
prince of persias
Myth
WoW
video games are VERY VERY big in life.
love the bosses that really “think out of the box” out of the very computer like AI like lol  the parrallels to real life etc.  video gmes have been an ENORMOUS escape, form of fun, entertainemtn alleviate from real life, GREAT place for strategy, tactics mostly all tacits, and math!
types of pulls
ranged
body
THE BIGGEST and best and most monumental realization of WoW and video games has been, after the hellish seriously firey pits of hell pain anguish distraught frustration of hollywood, comedy, rl job being told what to do, xanadu chef server crap , etc is that Life outsidfe of video games is nonexistent!! don’t settle for non-video game life.  Video games are the best things. period.  all other stuff is sloppy, painful, ridiciulous RIDICULOUSLY boring, monomtons and stupid.  RL is imprecise and vacuous. Video games are rich, mathematical, precise and actually fun (unlike real life) cool as!

THE BIGGEST and best and most monumental realization of WoW and video games has been, after the hellish seriously firey pits of hell pain anguish distraught frustration of hollywood, comedy, rl job being told what to do, xanadu chef server crap , etc is that Life outsidfe of video games is nonexistent!! don’t settle for non-video game life.  Video games are the best things. period.  all other stuff is sloppy, painful, ridiciulous RIDICULOUSLY boring, monomtons and stupid.  RL is imprecise and vacuous. Video games are rich, mathematical, precise and actually fun (unlike real life) cool as!
video games EXCITE ME.  Real life horrifies, disgusts, and causes anguish iwth me.  Video games get me charged, excited ,adn they make me feel safe.  my career easily could involve/include vide games.
ideal guild is one where I’m coleading good raids with freind(s) who also no a LOT, can share and teach wat know and also learn a lot too rad.
LOVE reading rogue PVP strategy WOW OW WOW AWESOME FUN!!
KEWL IDEA!! use Miltion model like rogue stuns cheap shots etc rad!!
lol
Or this could be healing
Damage of Time!  (or Heal over Time)— presuppositions of….existence (something/someone exists)…..feasibility (someone has the capacity to do something)
EXAMPLE:  When you get your awesome guild going you should do naxx a few times. (presup of feasibility).
EXAMPLE presup of existence:   “Your dog is so cool”. (dog no longer exist, dog was pressupposed)
DoTs!  ( (or Heal over Time))!!! — complex equiv —    VERY dangerous and tricky
EXAMPLE:   She’s from xyzcountry so you know she isn’t very smart.
example.    Something is burning, I knew you were a bad cook.
STUNS (or like Wyvern Sting or Freezing trap)  — syntax, run-on sentence (punctuation), ambiguity AND Double Bind
Damage — Lost performative — the “according to whom” stuff where whomever made the judgement is omitted
EXAMPLE: Obviously, this is the best guild (according ot whom to what authority).
Finishing Move NO VANISH!!!! — Tag Question   — Isn’t it?   Don’t They?  Why not?  Can you not?
STuns or TRAPS (cheap shot or freezing or frost trap)  —
`
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Ah WOW I love wow!! and mozart rocks!

THINGS I LOVE

Mozart
The sound o alchemy potions in wow
playing wow
wow podcasts
WOW
Frozen slushy juice
CLEAN bleached apartment
AH YEs.  laptop for reserach and lookups and imac for pure entertiantwg
wow radio ppl slanick, turpster, totalbiscuit (like bret)
COMP sci stanford programming methodology!!
BRITISH accents
european WOMEN
eurepean people YES!!! TRUE
The Elites or quality players say nice wise or clever things. the non-elite low level punks say things like “you dare set foot in ravenholdt, worm” insecure-driven things.  Same is true in RL.
August 26, 2009 — 3:34 AM
Verne took on a 24 hunter Turosh
a 29 Warrior (Orexx — Blackrock)
and Wickéd — Calestraz fwith diacret pouting other way ALL one after another, boom boom boom  Isapped one took out the warror, then wiped up the hunter HOLY shinikeys that was rAD!
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August 26, 2009 — 3:00 PM
Goddan g feels GREAT to not have that crap book clutter YAYA!!!! SO FREE and wow is so fun!! Yippee!! No clutter is energizing as infinite!
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August 27, 2009 — 5:52 PM
experiencing a high degree of pain.
feel really angry.  i’d feel happy if
got verne best gear and did bgs and 80
phil best gear
all shit sold
moved into hardwood floor 2nd floor apt
quick inbox.
August 29, 2009 — 1:15 PM
Decisions:
To Leave Dath’remar??
If (leave dath’remar) to which server?
Which charactes leave dath?
Just a money-earning one?
To Thaussurian? Verne to Thaussurian? maybe!
Downsides minus $25, $50 to switch back
Where to Move to in RL
Canada?
Can I get hte apartment costs?
Will it be queit and private?
wil i have acces to good clear clean exercise places?
most importantly will it feel CLEAN and good there (UNLike calab which feels stuffy and immoble and no one is a friend here).
STate of computer files?  Fair. okay. not too much to worry about.
problems:
interacting with people to sell things
selling something and then wanting to unsell it lol.
August 29, 2009 — 2:33 PM
IRISH accents and Mozart are hand in hand . They’re twirly, alive, light. They’re clear. They’re clean.
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August 29, 2009 — 9:19 PM
Dear Mr. Staab,
I believe feedback of all kinds, when constructive, has value.  Therefore, I wanted to share my feedback on your CS Java 1 class I took autumn of 2002 at Colorado College.
AFter watchign an excellent, lucid, and didactic Stanford Programming Metholodogy class I confirmed my assumption that that the CS class I took at colorado college was horrendously disorganized, far too fast-paced, difficult to comprehend, and confusing.  I remember so wanting to learn the material, but having so many gaps in what was being taught, that I literally became quite nauseas and sick during the class.
My intention of this, by the way, is not to criticize your teaching.  I feel you have a brilliance in some field (maybe number theory) but I picked up an apathy towards computer science in your classes.  This was a turn-off as a student.
Additionally, the fact that all of java was just dumped on the student without ensuring they understood programming fundamentals — that is fundamentals of programming universal to every language be it C, C++, Python, Perl, Ajax, or my current interest, Mozart…was poor class design.
So, in a sense, I felt I had to deconstruct a lot of what was  “pseudo-taught” and therefore “pseudo-learned” in that class to move forward with programming.
Some factors that contributed to the sketchy, scattered, blotchy, discombobulated, pseudo-learning:
1.  lack of pre-req clarification ( maybe I needed more calculus or other computer prereqs.  This should have been scanned/screened for).
2.  Pace.  Simply far too fast.  Inherent to the block plan, yes, but still, intolerably incomprehensibly fast.
3.  Impression of apathy on the subject from the professor. Enough said. Self-explanatory.
4.  My failur to ask clarifyign questions.  But I defer this simply because asking questions on parts of which I was confused would be trying to design a building and ask about its architecture after it had been detonated.  There was simply no foundation, structure, or “concept framework’ upon which to ask questions.
5.  The IDE.  Why Why Why……..Why Why Why……….was the IDE Emacs?   I theorized about this greatly and concluded it could only be three possibilities:
1. The professor was sadistic and interestd in making things challenging and difficult and uncomfortable for the students. Which, for your sake, I will rule out.
2. The professor was interested in some kind of “old school learning how it was done back in the day” to more fully understand hte programming process by using an old ide” concept.  This at least I could understand, but was still a very poor decision beasue every bit of programming occurs in an IDE and eliminating that made the IDE-progrmaming world a bit of a jolt, and starved the student of programming fundamentals.  Not intelligent.
3.  The professor was simply negligent or indifferent to choosing a proper programmign environment.
That said, I got extremely worked up taking CS2 with janke to the point where I started crying and kind of had a breakdown of sorts when he was trying to explain something of linked lists and had to drop the class.  This was due to, again, a combination of the above, with the fast pace, wanting to learn and teach the material greatly.
In contrast, the professor in the Stanford Programming Methodology class was excited about the subject material (indubitably the most important aspect to a good class), and read if students were confused and then remedied it in the teaching process.
However, math, after much “exploration” in an enormous variety of fields (much of which I consider an absolute waste of time except for the understanding that exploration academically is merely a waste of time) has been a field to which I gravitate greatly (along with natural sciences) and find most rewarding and lucid, so it would have boded better for me had the two failure math classes I took at Colorado College not been so unstomachable, discombobulating, and poorly designed.
I heard you were engaged in number theory.  That seems interesting.  Congrats with that.
Sincerely a former Student,
John Kuczmarski
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August 30, 2009 — 1:19 PM
VERY Interesting but painful experience in worlds of warcraft the other day.  This was juxtaposed but not caused by some awesome comp sci which I really did like. After doing some AWESOME nad very rewarding computer science learning WOW I LOVED that computer science…SO awesome!! Very very cool i cant’ wait to learn more!!
So what happened on wow…a lot of things exemplary of patterns that I’d seen and experencine in past namely:
  1. Me being ALIGNED AND CLEAR (JUST like after running that one time and went to go do yoga and ssk and tdk harassed me and yelled at me when I had closed the door to stretch) and people being jealous, envious, and hateful of my clear, highly intelligent, aligned state.
    1. Some idiot as a result of that jeaousy and envy and hatred toward my intelligence started a flaming, insulting , chat anger battle thing to try to make me angry which he partially succeded
  2. Amellite discussed how did five horus of farming per day. and made lots of gold w/e which I nterpretted as toxic and stupid b/c he drinks during it.  maybe was tiny bit jealous  TRUE  but not relaly. did the wow impressed thign which si bs
    1. Realized I had to search for things I liked in wow.
    2. Realized all the younger people were a great nuisance they insulted and did babytalk insults crap
    3. The older people in the game were more peaceful.
    4. Do I really care about wow gold? Isn’t it just blizzard’s
    5. Is amellite an enemy?
    6. Trauma smegg didn’t sound like an enemy, but he smoked.
  3. This was  a huge pattern b/c
    1. ONE.  People were like tryign to coach me and ask what erroneous meant and try to DIGRESS and DISTRACT and DELAY me from computer science into wow or lawyer or othe rcrap that I’m not doing.
    2. Why did amellite leave so frequently???  I don’t trust amellite.
    3. TWO.  How long have people tried to anger you with the intention of distracting me from the pursuit and connection with something I sincerely like…MATH comptuers.
      1. How long have my parents done that.  Isn’t that the reason why I delayd learning computer science for soooooooooo long?
      2. How do the wow insulters who get angry when I’m aligned differ from my parents who get angry when I’m aligned in the realm aligned with professions.
    4. How much of Biking, Running and most all exercise was venting and trying to “purge” the anger that people sparked in me (which was their intention), and that anger that they sparked was somethign they wanted to conjure to make me delayed and distracted from computers b/c that is something that puts me above them.  B/c many people are not convinced that they can do computers etc.
Where are people that I can trust?  do they exisst?  Likely not.  IF not, where are people that I can interact with that don’t bring pain.
The people on wow last night brought pain.
That’s a great question to ask.  if  (Does the current situation and/or people bring pain?  )    leave the people and /ignore.
OKay so Limiting beliefs.
I UNDERSTAND WHY These people berate me; it’s because THEY have an inferiority complex to my mind.  THEY feel inferior and thus insult themselves around me because of my clear, aligned, intelligent mind.  TRUE!!!!
this is highly complex but simple ine a way.  Dumb bully sees persn with advanced mind. dumb bully does not have advanced mind.  Dumb bully tries to verbally or physically injure person wiht advanced mind because of jealous of that.
Celebirtydom and hollywood are even MORE of acult understanding this inferiority complex bully thing!! YES!!
INFERERIORITY COMPLEX BULLIES and Celebrities
THIS IS A HUGE REalization that I realized very easily applies to most “so-called celebriteis’ the so-called celebrities were once very peaceful, clear, aligned and anbomrlaly highly intelligent peopel but then the inferriority complex bully massses tried to berate them to out of jealousy.  one (poor) solution was to channel that anger that hte bullies created and flaunt it as acting in a sense…which was, hihgly sutpid becasue it increased (interaction with the bullies b/c tons of people invading their space and time) what the smart people should have decreased.  ITNERESTING.
All of the tattoos teh clothes the vacuous people are b/c the clebrities were really smart people who had a Gift but that gift was stolen from them by the inferioirty complex bullies via disracting them with fame, making them angry etc.
DAMNIT I shoulds saved box of stupid magazine crap not to read but to confirm those convictions true as.  Wel I know its’t rue we/
So all celebriteis are smart aligned people lured by inferiority complex bulies into “stardumb” where their acting is merely anger.
look at brad pitt. He’s SMARt and sensitive.  the bullies made him think that “fame” was what he wanted and that his discomfort was “hotness”.  He’s an architect AND very smart.  I am a computer scientist AND Very smart.  Most all other so-called celebs (except maybe angelina jolie lol) additionally are smart, people suckeered and exploited into the cult of the inferiority compelx bullies into achieveing artifice and hollow goal of “fame”.  So for me, this simply explains why I hate fame.  FAME is the trap used by inferiority complex status quo bullies to distract, digress, and delay people from doign teh intelligent things they have the capacity do with their mind.  The distraction method they use is bullying and anger cultivation. the solution out of this is to not engage the bullies (engagin and interacting with them is losing they must never be trusted) so upon identifying a busy, call them such (in oen way ore anotehr and then /ignore).
See the billiant people (of which I am one) feed the bullies with “mental money” in  sense.  the bullies get me angry and then that causes all my mental learnign to pour otut
Do I want to be focusing on this?
Woudln’t it be best to havea great view, be doing computer science?
I LOVE computer science.  I do not want taht to change. I’ll need to move my desk.
Examples of Inferiority Complex bullies:
ssk and tdk  DEFINITE
jsk at times
sometimes ciganek
CC people
post-tim fuller’s class
most all cc professors
AMERICANS definitely
the iraq war person from saddle ranc EPITOMIZED inferiority complex bully. YES!
all students and teachers at ACting corps EXCEPT sean dougherty.  DEFINITE (Well actually, they were just money stealing con people more than ICBs)
all the ccds peopel who framed me as spacey.
WOW there’s TONS of inferiority complex bullies!!!
DEFINITELY the
Were ari and scott bullies?
Is Ari unlik amellite?
Similarities
Sleeping/runnign thing
idk peaceful just does what want isntead of worrying so much about image i guess idk.
How can I prevent this?
How can I learn comp scie. and aligning math and then play fun games too but cleave all inferoirity complex bullies?  i.e. only interact with fun valuable people?  good question.
First define fun valuable people.  who are there?  Is Amellite?  maybe sometimes, sometiems he feels like a blizzard conspiracy person to make me feel deluded
maybe I should do something for 5 hours a day. yeah I DO.    limiting beliefs is like gathering yeah11 hELL YA!!    I used ot think biking was…but meh  dont’ think so much more.
EUROPE seems incredible. I LOVE Looks of europe an women. TRUE!!
What drew me to wow?
What allured me to like amellite? is he manipulateive?  stupid?
we’re similar in some ways sorta.  idk.
Will Other servers still feel toxic like dath’remar?
Does dath’remar feel incredibly toxic?  YES.
There’s very few neutral-uplifitng people, but as a whole. Dath is VERY toxic. TRUE.
Should scout out other servers.
are you getting the wow experience you want?
warding off insulting inferioty complex bullies (ICBs) ICBs
Her’es an interesting formula for dealing with the ICBs

if (detect ICBs) {
use miltion model; //confuse them just like verne stunlocks yaya
/ignore;

or just /ignore
}



that’s what milton model is for, it’s like the saps.
I care about rogues.  I like rogues.
INFERIORITY COMPLEX BULLIES spark agner and I entrench more into instead of leaving
When people do the trying to spark anger because jealous of my aligned, clear, intelligent state of mind, i entrench more into the crap that they deliver and insult back which makes me more lip-twitchy and angry.
AB: YES I did this ALL the time growing up with my parents ssk, tdk when they berated otu of inferiority complex  AT cc I MASSIVELY did this.  The anger marathon running was definitely a reaction to hte inferiority complex bullies
A¬B: entrench anger but do leave.hhmmm has to be some. YES at ross jeffires they tried toprovoke a fight and I just didn’t same thing at the sidebar, thatguy stuck in kitchen wanted to fight and I didn’t because that’s where I lose and thye win.  deosnt’ matter if I “win/lose” the fight, fighting with an inferoity complex bully is losing because it’s already dulling my razorsharp mind.  fuller was  bully but I ddint entrench in anger IN LONDON prob b/c felt surroudned by so many intelligent fun aligned clear people. TRUE!  I love europeans.  Europan women are SOO hot. the hottest.  and people their seem so rich and quality all wow radio that I like is european. Do I hate america and australia?  young countries? could be.  definitely more concentratio nof infority ocmpelx bullies in america.  less so in aus but bWay less os ine eruo
¬AB:  no bullies but entrench in anger hhmmm i guess times iwth residual bully anger.
¬A¬B:  no bullies no entracne anger YES doing math.  doing clarity.
apply to self:  Doesn’t entrenching yourself in anger lead u to becomign an inferiroty complex bully yourself?? hhmm I think so
intention:  I think my intention is to “show off” my chat insulting skills (which is pretty inferiorioty complex so the above is true) or to defend image or appear lke I stand up for myself but in reality NOT interacting with any and all inferiority complex bullies is defending myself the best way possible!  Wow should not be this thing where you
consequence: is I end up 1) focusing hours and DAYS on the inferiotiyt complex people (what they want) which distracts me from the fUn WAY more valuable compute rscience!!  other consequences physiological (lip-twitchiness, anger, stress).  Fele like mind gets infected.  difficulty re-experiencing focss towars GOOD talented things like AComputer science YAY!!  ANOTHE HUGE consrequence is I become deluded into thinking the inferiority complex bullies’ COMMENTS are menaingful (when they’re rubbish)  and try to apply tehm to life.  Like….some idoits said were you born with a dick in your brain?  I then try to figure that out like a puzzle if it measn anythign and it DOES NOT.  Teh ONLY thing it means is that I’m being dimwitted believing that an inferiotio ycomplex bully could ever say something valuable!!  Discard most everything that poeple say TRUE!!
hierarchy of criteria:  isn’t it more important to avoid trying to have fun if you run the risk of running into inferioti ycompelx bullies? pssosible
chunk down:    people who evaulate themsleves as infurit because of my staet of enjoyment mentally with something with math and computer   science  try to destory that state of enjoyent and then I further destory it which is what they want
chunk of:      distroted people feel trheatened by more clarity and try to steal or discombobulate my clarity.
reality strategy:  operatesfrom reality that clarity can be digressed and detoured and delayed
what would it be like if this was `100% dissolved:  if I had some kind of Auto-perimiter defense that detected inferiotyt complex bullies and auto ignored them… then…WOW.  I would feel MASSIVELY sAFE.
feel nervous that I influecne the HaC people a LOT  liek when I was on Rockefeller other peopel went to low-level alts.
MAil Messages I don’t like responding to them because I feel like I know before-hand they’ll have intoxicating effect.
AB:  most wow messages (from sol and from tandril for example)  aLL /nois people true. of course all spam. EXcelelnt CLEAR TRUE!
A¬B:
¬AB:
¬A¬B:
apply to self:
intention:
consequence:
hierarchy of criteria:
chunk down:
chunk of:
reality strategy:
what would this problem look ike if 100% dissolved:
get apartmetn to move into
contacting email and/or voice apartmetn tenant
application or talking
paying first few months of rent
move out of apartment
elimiatng trash fro mbelongings
disposing trash
putting belongings in boxs
dissasembling furnite belongs
putting furnite belongs and boxes in car
schedule walkthrough
goodbye hell-hole money-stealers calab
move into new apartment
setting up internet
setting up all mail there
setting up elec
SETTING UP water, gas, heat
August 31, 2009 — 2:13 PM
what i’d like to do today
Move verne to FRostmourne
disassemble furniture
do Karel 1 problem atleast
FINISH some READS that hadn’t finsihed
Carl Sagan balogna
Cosmos article
NLP envisonment
FURNNITRE
  1. Sofa
    1. SELL
  2. NightSTand
    1. Discard
    2. Dissasemble
    3. Trnasport
  3. Spools of threda thigns
    1. Discard
  4. 4 Crates
    1. TRansport
  5. Vacuum
    1. Transport
  6. Printer
    1. TRansport
  7. Computer
    1. Transport
  8. DEsk
    1. Dissassemble
  9. Bed Frame
    1. Dissasemble
    2. Discard
  10. Mattress
    1. TRansport
  11. Glass Table
    1. Sell
  12. Chair 1
    1. Dissasemble
  13. Chair 2
    1. Sell
    2. Dissassemble
    3. Discard
  14. Computer Chair
    1. TRansport
  15. Shelves
    1. Transport
  16. Silverware
    1. Sold
    2. Some transported
  17. Cups
    1. Sold
    2. Some TRansported
  18. Stuff in Cubboards
    1. Most TRansported
  19. Bike
    1. Sold
    2. Dissassembled
    3. Transported
  20. Surfboards Flyer
    1. Sold
  21. Surfboard Longboard
    1. Sold
    2. Transported
    3. Stored
  22. Stackable Chairs
    1. Discard 2
    2. Transport 3
Prepping apartment
  1. Glass doors back on closets
  2. bleach and scrubbed
Pretend my move-out day is the TENTH.  GREAT.
August 31, 2009 — 2:31 PM
fraudulent charges prob

08-13-2009 OD PROTECTION TF FEE $ 10.00



08-19-2009 DEBIT PURCHASE Aug 15 06:12 0345
FRIENDFINDER +16107571
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08-21-2009 DEBIT PURCHASE Aug 18 16:55 0345
UPPER BRANCH 323-51200
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#####—September 3, 2009—
onw eNNROMous thing I just realized is that SOO many people want fame and to be the rising smiling STAR!! I don’t want that atall. I seriously dont’! I don’t want that. What do I think of those people? That they’re naive!!
All of this CRAP about “next STar”! next youtube star. Next rising star. I have ZERO itnerest in that. I actually haven an AVERSION to that “stardom” / fame etc. why?
it’s a waste of time
it’s dealing with CRAPPY stupid people
it’s denial of self
it’s confusion MASSIVE confusion
it’s defining ur identity based on people’s reactiosn which is DANGEROUS and recipe for confufsion and pain and ZERO locus of control
it’s stupid
naive
stupid.
for insecurit people YES!!
FINITO!!!————-i yay


Feeling VERY overhwlemled. tring to get endstate of

MAterial Belongings

The Wow Realm Shift   — Tahussauran can make HEAPS of gold.  totally.  with enchanting so put phil on there?

Verne forstmouren but verne so many indecisons
alchemy?
Which Heirlooms?
I’ll get him some good oens and not worry about lcothes ye
getting him all the enchants he needs before transferring which is +12 agi back, +agi to weps etc, 2 mongoose etc.



Fibonacci program pseudo code

public class fibo{
public void run{
currentNum = 0;

int prevNum = 0;
int currentNum = 1;
int nextNum = currentNum + prevNum;

int usrMax = readInt(“How high do you want the fibonacci sequence to go?  Enter maximal number: “);

println (prevNum);

for (i=0; i<=usrMax; i++) {
println (nextNum);
prevNum = currentNum;
curentNum = nextNum;
}
}
}

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ANTI-AMERICAN, LOVE BRITAIN
Dawkins pwned that dangerous and disillusioned hostile american brainwasher freak. LOL he appeals to cudgel like all the obtuse americans do. That preacher guy is responsible for polluting so many minds. Did u see how furious he looked? What a pathetic american loser. Dawkins made him look ridiculous though. goo.d
YEP I H8 America.
That colorado springs church is cult worshipping center.  It’s horrendously cognitively dangerous.  And it’s minion leader is a hostile buffoon!  Ironically it embodies what america stands for.  I hate america more than ever.  it’s neanderthal, obtuse, appealing to the cudgel hostility is very unsafe for the wolrd and even less safe for anyone in the heinous country of fallacy and doom.

In England, people are patient, actually secure in their mind and when they’re ridiucled and if some stupidity is revealed, they just admit to it and laugh and move on.

Well now the fear-driven american distorted belief ideology that hovers around Colorado springs like a vile and putrid plague of disillusionment is solidified in certainty.  I realize now why the community and the police buffoons so heinously and inhumanly violated my basic rights when they gave me a ticket and sued me for getting hit while on a bike, by car; They are enemies.  In every sense of the word, colorado€kl springs residents are enemies!  The general commune of colorado springs propogates everything I loathe: delusional ideas, religious ideas that betray the veracity of science, dangerous hostility and propagation. Wow.  I cannot believe I survived that prison where people are imprisoned from clarity in a bubble of disillusioned piety.  No wonder I biked and ran with such anger there;  1.  I was in America, 2.  I was in a highly religious community, 3.  I was surrounded by neanderthal obtuse mountebanks.  I have an interest in seeking vengeance or atleast devotign a considerable amount of time to ridiculing and humiliating the religious americans after I am safely relocated outside enemy territory (outside of the united states of foul fallacious flaming shit).

word. all religious people are equally culpable for such fallacious, dangerous, hostile, and destructive disiillusioned beliefs.

Safety in america is like expecting cleanliness in a dirtied outhouse.

I can’t believe that fucking dangerous douche bag attempted to quasi-legitimate 9/11?? That’s criminal and revolting. It’s unacceptable that so many people can go wandering around spreading these mind diseases that seriously cripple clear thinking! Damn americans. Damn religious mountebanks. And Damn the people for allowing such hallucinations to perpetuate. Religion doesn’t prevent theft; police and law prevent that. Religion doesn’t prevent anything accept clear, lucid thinking. Religion prevents peace. Religious people can never experience peace because of the constant pressure of the “fires of hell” or the mind-controlling 5 prayers a day of Islam. Every element of religion not only impedes clarity, but it perpetuates evil. It does!! Religion sparks venom in people because it causes people to 1)accept falsities without proof and then 2)to become offended when anyone ridicules those falsisties. THAT is the recipe of religion. And coincidentally that is also recipe for MASSIVE confrontation, war, bloodshed. Religion is evil.  And American (and apparently Colorado within America as well) is the throbbing epicenter of this evil.  The malign, true deeply seeded evil that religion perpetuates, breeds, creates, and solidifies. is revolting and dangerous.

Every aspect of colorado College and Colorado Springs; namely anguish and infuriation there, has become so clear.  All the infuriating and accusational denver bus trips were full of brainwashed mountebanks.  Additionally, my indifference to the 2000, 2004, and 2008 elections is remarkably clear to me now….I loathe america and have no interest in america!   Seeing the New Life brainwashing cult center with the hostile, dangerous, disillusioned mountebank leading the cultworship pronounced how fearful we should be of bible-belt america and most all of america anyways.
Therefore, that is fact.  And I must take serious actions to extract myself from the war zone enemy territory of america.  If this involves selling all furnitire and car and moving to another continent, so be it.  But I must leave this dangerous country.  My fear for americans and for going outside is clear as well.  These people are enemies!
Totally agreed. And it is a worthy fight. Religious people pollute minds and brainwash. Hitchens and dawkins are teh good guys. And people who aren’t aware of this fight are likely already subjugated to delusional religious brainwashing. I haven’t read Great yet, but have read Watchmaker, Eden, God Delusion, & Chaplin (4 of dawkins books).

What this battle is about is about mental infections.  Christianity is an infestation of disillusioned, clouded, obfuscated mind fallacies.  I feel empowered and re-aligned and centered to what is goign on my life being awayre of this.   And it’s awakening more and more not just to the cult of family and religion, but to the cult of america.   Religion perpetuates fear and it’s appeal to the cudgel and force is horrendously abused.  It discourages free choice.  Religion is a heinous, mental and psychological abuse.

Oh my goodness, Colorado is the heart, the pulsating epicenter of these brainwashing cult behavior people.  I cannot believe I went to school (and was “schooled” by the buffoon, idiotic, mountebanks), disillusioned idiotic freakshow that is colorado and america.

I must remember as well, that biological parents are simply a subset of the brainwashed, hostile, pugnacious disillusioned mountebank americans.  What does that mean?  It means your mind is not safe in america and the best thing to do is to get out.  I’ve been hooking up to a British “IV” line of clarity vis-a-vis dawkins, hitchens, BBC, derren brown, and douglas adams, and even roald dahl in youth.  Britain has definitely kept me clear and peaceful while growing up in this obtusely barbaric and heinously disillusioned country of america.  America is a country of enemies.
Drama, politics, and psychological branwashign are the weapons utilized by americans and religion to inculcated it’s brain infections.  The Hell Theatre in colorado springs where a preacher literally rehreases plays to horrify people aged 12 and up with the horrors of hell is atrotious and abominable.  This psychological abuse utilizes drama to provoke fear and is an extended variation of appealing to the cudgel.  The subtelty of this brainwashing technique is easily overlooked but it infects minds and brainwashes people into discarding the validity of science like no tomorrow.  The people in colorado springs — the hostile religions freaks — are not just mad and psychotic but they are enemies! America is not just a little “loony” and can be laughed at.  No.  America is heinously offensive in its disillusioned obfuscations.  “The Scriptures” are the complete absence of reality.
In every sense of the word, Dawkins, and other scientific, intelligent atheists are the upswing, the ascension form anguish and disillusionment nad reading their work elevates the quality of my life (and anyone who choses to read such non-fiction).
I truly and deeply like and value british people just as much as a and as with as much passion as I loathe, hate, and vitriolically dislike american people.  British people are nice, kind, incredibly intelligent and most importantly, I don’t have to worry about image.  I dont’ have to act tough nor cool.  With  british people I can use my mind just naturally and gently.  Whereas in america I have to always use my mind for defense and must waste enormous amounts of energy and time into warding off and being very defensive and hard-skinned.  British people I respect and have an interest in being respected by them!  I almost, in contrast, would feel more at peace if americans DISLIKED me!  I seek the respect of british people in a sense, but more importantly I value their thoughts and their clarity and their company!  I don’t have friends in america because I’ve wanted to push away americans.  Befriending an american is slowing lowering yourself onto a knife.  It’s toxic!   Befriedning british people is harmonious and good and advancing my mental clarity and life!   GOOD Wahoo!
British people value wisdom a bit and knowledge and politeness and intelligence.  You can be thoughtful and nice and even comfortable and enjoy life and even feel a bit pampered if you want and it’s all good in britain.  In america, I go out of my way to be uncomfortable,but really naturally amuncomfortabl, and look “hardened” because then I hope americans may leave me alone.   And it’s simply this, in america  i constantly worry because when surrounded by predators and/or enemies, you worry!  I try to be whitered and hardened to protect myself from the toxic americans.  In britain you want to and feel SAFE connecting with people intellectually, mentally.  While connecting wiht americans mental feels like a mind virus, connecting with british feels uplifting, clarifying, VALIDATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
American people relish in icy insults and and humiliating people.  British people are nice, warm and much more intelligent.  British are so intelligent that they don’t need to waste their time proving their intelligence and can just enjoy their mind and company of other intelligent british!
Jesus christ is toxic fiction.  Truly.
I don’t know when americans became so brainwashed, lost, and hostile.  Probably ahd to do with the origins of america.  Around 1770, America originated by a severing from Britain. In cleaving itself form the clear, rational and logical Britain, American swung to the other extreme: hostile, deluded, and brainwashed.  America is simply nothing other than a complete fail country.  Britain is proper and right and intelligent and knows what’s going on.
the more educated people are atheists.  I am more educated than james kuczmarski.  And he’s VERY educated, so I am extremely incredibly educated.
In addition to running and exercising less, I  hide and worry in America simply because of this:  There are predators here.  Where they’re predators, there’s reason to worry!  I ran so frequently in aus because simply less predators!
Some religious loser said “atheists are follower’s of dawkins?”. that’s the beauty of atheism, we aren’t brainless, braindead, brainwashed FOLLOWERS like religious, deluded scum like yourself. We actually think for ourselves and have (something of whic the religious neanderthals are not familiar) cognitive liberation. Cheers to your lost mind. I’m enjoying not believing in 1)a talking snake and 2)a fairy in the sky, and 3) I enjoy believing and knowing through concrete evidence that I’ve evolved through a complex, intricate, and quite beautiful scientifically calculative process, Darwinian evoltuion. booya. pwnd.
Religious people never ask the question “what if I’m wrong”.  Scientific people have hte COURAGE to ask that.  I have asked that.  I have read books such as the Quoran, the Bible, a Case for Christ even.  I’ve explored the possibility of my being wrong quite thoroughly.  Iv’e been very open to that for many many many years.  And guess what.  I am not wrong.  Atheists are right; I am right;  and it’s primarily because theyve had the courage and self-honesty and humility to further their understanding of the veracity of atheism and boldly tarnish and ridicule the utter putrid fallacy of religion that has made atheism so right.  Atheism proves its existence.  Religion, appeals to the cudgel to conceal its non-existence.  TRUE.  Reread that 3 times.  It underlies the veracity of atheism and the inherent fallacy of religion.
Religious preachers actually LITERALLY say things like “give me the child and in seven years, you’ll have the man.”  Do you understand what that is?  That’s admitting to infantile brainwashing and mutilating and exploitation of children.  That’s what religion does.  It’s a heinous criminal offense to even commence theorizing that genital mutiliation and/or stoning or any of the other grotesquely perverse, dangerous. and foul religious practices are “acceptable”.  They are not acceptable; they are deadly, perverse, and people who believe in religiou indirectly encourage such inhuman destruction and are therefore enemies to the greatest degree.  Atheists are the good guys.,
—————————————————————————————————
—————————————————————————————————
September 8, 2009 — 5:05 PM
OLD SHIT

It’s shocking, giving the DIRECT resemblances to the Matrix, how little neuromancer was mentioned in the Matrix hype.  As far as I say, Neuromancer pwns the Matrix trilogy.  Is superbly more original, vivid, and crips nad the matrix merely carbon-copied Gibson’s story!!!

Overlaps to the matrix.

Mycotoxic (being plugged in)

Molly   — Trinity

Armitage — Mopheus (gets him out of the matrix/ out of the mycotoxin).

Julie — Oracle (both old as,  both have treats, cookies and ginger)

lmao! yeah I do write heaps.

re laptop, still undecided, likely wont’ bring though.  I like having access to my documents though..

hhmm well if you’re going to be in shcool, i’ll probbaly psend a few days in sydney, train up to brissy roughly 27 or so get their 27-29ish, try to meet up with you and am.  Wouldn’t it be SICK if all three of us could meet up? lmoa.

ah so you have 2 siblings too.  I’m the oldest, youre the youngest, nice.  I hae 2 younger bros, but sometimes they seem older lol. sis in bris, where’s bro boing?

LOL head explode lol.  Yikes, sounds like emotional stuff too lol!!!!!!  I’d recommend writing, and exercise, flushing things out lol.

yikes. re flu  well someitmes doing stuff you woudln’t do while sick (I recommend running or exercise xD but emails is okay) srsly helps your mind

also re christianity and religion. What was it like for you when you got in touch with god or jesus?

I am very cautious to discuss/debate religion with people because they usually have questioning it “out of boudns” lol.  Anyways, I respect your seriousness of it.  kk

I understand how you feel strongly about that.  Atheism has been something I’ve just discovered on my own.  I read the bible (have you read it?) and frankly it offers no explanation for how the world works/started (that’s all chem, bio, physics, ) and I frankly have a bit of a hard time taking anyone seriously who actually believes the stories in the bible (like adama and eve genesis etc) as anything but just fantasay fictional stories.

I also have a HUGE problem with childhood indoctrination of religion.

Finally, i was born into christianty, did communion, was baptized all that was raised, and met a lot of christians and i seriously gave it a chacne and studied it massively.  It took me WAY too long to realize that I was MASSIVeLY incredibly wasting my time.  My mind was occupied wit h”spirituality” and “god” and other fictions that don’t exist when meanwhile I was missing out on all this AMAZING science and amazing physics and chem and truthfully how things work.

the way i see it is,  How did we land on the moon? physics.  If we all kept reading the same biblical literature could we have landed on the moonn? developed planes? learn about our anatomY?  There’s 206 bones in human body.  I learned that from science. Religion doesn’t provide that.

I seriously respect your difference in view.  and I totally respect you for having those differences, there’s just no moral value nor explanatory value from the bible and it makes people servile, so I was like wait…this is a MASSIVE distraciton and waste of my time, why mingle iwth it? lol

book of numbers moses ordered the massacre of all boy children and non-virgins to be killed; moses is a heinous role model lol.  all the brainwashing with the appeal to fear of the “fiery pits of hel” (which i, trust me, have had christians screaming at me in costa rica) is just highly toxic imho.  I have millions of other reasons like forefathers being atheist, how christians make up 75% of american prison populations, etc. but all that ASIDE, ultimately science makes me happier, more successful and more fulfilled; I feel safe with science.  I do not with religion.

Hwoever, that said, i totally respect your difference in opinions for sure.

I’m all science.  Science is clarity and freedom. For ME (not everyone) science provides massive clarity, freedom ,success, understanding, peace.  Understanding how things work.  all I read these days are science books and travel books (for visualization travel).  Occasional classic fiction (like british authors doyle, stevenson, etc) is great too.

There’s just too much valuable stuff in neuroscience nad physics for ME to learn to increase the clarity, success, and joy of my life to focus on much else (except occasional wow xD).  I’ve studied nearly every subject in college from accounting to english to religion to drama to philosophy, and science/precision is me lol.

anyways what books do you read?  Cheers hos.  I’m realizing more nad more and more what am said, we’re all different! 😀

Anyways, ur awesome hossy, ttyl, hopefully things willclick so can meet up in Aus with you and/or am.  I likely won’t have cell phone (unless I get one when i’m there, so after the 23rd all communication will likely be FB or email in internet cafe or something lol) cool as.

kk

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September 9, 2009 — 10:54 PM
FEel VERY anguished and pained.  The journaling and excessive calendars feels retarded.  The calabasas apartment makes me feel pain. it makes me twitchy, furious , angered, it has me locked inside.  I loathe it.  I LOATHE calabasas.  I am not supposed to be here.  It feels like colorado college in that I am not supposed to be here.  I have anger and want vengeance upon ssk and tdk for making me stay in this penetentary penal colony.  I don’t care of that sounds spoiled or stupid.  I want incredible vengeance upon both parents for corrupting and polluting my life.  Providing NOTHING that I wanted and everything that I didn’t want; everything that wasted my life and time.  So now I have to find out where to go.  Which is scary.  I feel twitchy and massively overwhelmed.  I have been eating horrendous amounts of chocolote out of this anger and nervousness from 1) knowing that I must leave here and 2) not knowing where to go.  My parents are the greatest enemies possible because when they know that I loathe a place (like calabasas) they let me stay there.  But when they know that I like a place like sb, they give demands and ultimatums to get me out.  They’ve devoted their life to making me feel uncomfortable, so I will devote a small portion of my future life into hurting them . Emotionally, physically, professionally — in anyway possible.  They’ve deliberately bullied me.  My biological parents take what I want and deprive me of it.  They’ve done this for so long that i’ve had to conceal what I want and like from myself and them.  I need to focus on ways to seek vengeance upon them.  I just can’t wait until my parents are dead, I am out of america, and I am financailly independent.
I can’t kill them because you can’t get away with that.  I know they’ve tarnished my reptuation, so I will disparage theirs with vitriole.  And then people can judge my intelligence and clarity and then make their own judgements on the validity of my comments.
I feel pain massively on a regular basis here in this disgusting hell hole of calabasas.  I am leaving very soon.  In two weeks :0.  So I must secure a destination place!! This is very serious!   I am extremely worried.  EXTREMELY worried because I don’t have australia nor european places secured.  I have a canadian place that might be possible and I’ll have to jump through hoops of rent and people as well.
I remember showing the calabasas place to mom like it was some campus I was showing off.
I just want to have financial security from my OWN earning.  I can’t believe I’ve been deprived of that.  It’s revolting; that’s my greatest source of pain in life.  That I have been deprived of earning money.  Acts my parents are culpable for:
  1. Neglecting my anguish at colorado college for three years
  2. Depriving of what I want and forcing me to do what I do not like
    1. Calabasas
    2. Colorado College
    3. School
    4. running
  3. Discouraging financial endeavors
    1. Gumball
  4. Forcing me to be a clone of them and brainwashing me to follow in  their values-based leadership bullshit crap.
    1. Encouraging my stupid Validate Your Life book.
    2. encouraging stupid crap.
    3. Discouraging and frowning upon me deviating from their beliefs
    4. Throwing fits when I said our beliefs are massively different
    5. Forcing me to go back to Latin when I wanted ot stay at LPHS
    6. Forcing me to do the rlt when I wanted to do the beauty of math camp.
  5. For neglecting my interests
  6. For imposing their brainwashing upon me since I was born
I’ve devoted enough time to scrutinizing my past and viewing journals and home videos to “figure out some epiphany of my life”.  I’ve done that probably more than 99% of most people in the world.  TRUthfully.  There is no epiphany other than, my life has been hell and I have done everything right and someone (many people actually) need to pay.  Certain specific people need to suffer and experience torture; people like ssk, tdk, dean, gale Murray, all the cops who gave me tickets,  most all of colorado springs, most teachers that I disliked at colorado college.
It’s clear my parents are very very veyr bad people.  Very bad people, mainly because of the way they conceal their brainwashing and manipulation.
I am desperate for some kind of friendship but I think I must stop clinging to that.  Biology textbooks and chemistry textbooks should be my friends along with money and health and european, asian, australian travle are my friends.  I want those 3 places and those 3 things (money, bio and cham textbooks, and health) to be my only friends.  I think that ordering things, products solves things but it does not.
Some good forms of punishment for my parents:
Suing them in court (too much exposure.  they could afford better lawyers. likely wouldn’t win).
Hack their sites (already done and they’d just fix it).
Privately criticize them to people (best way at the moment.
Becoming happy and successful and disparaging them especially after I gain respect of others (hhmm very nice).
Brainwash THEM via some kind of milton erickson mind-phuck crap maybe.
The hiding that occurs from my parents and from californians PROVE that they are all liars, cheats, predators, scoundrels, and enemies.
I HAVE to look at being in california and interacting with parents as NOTHIGN OTHER THAN enemy territory.  ENEMY territory.  Californians are ENEMIES in every sense of the word.  What do you do in enemy territory?  You do exactly whta I’ve done.  You go out only at night, you try to be in stealth. You get a massive guard dog.  You avoid talking to people. You overly plan out everything you do so that people won’t manipulate you.
Wow has taught me a lot.  Namely how to truly insult and viciously criticize people.  Actually quite a valuable skill if you ever need to seriously put someone down shut them out and burn a bridge.
I need a drink.
The day time is massive pain and anguish.  I can’t stand the daytime here because:
  1. It’s full of americans which are predators and enemies.
  2. IT’s hot and over-heated.
  3. It brings MASSIVE panic.  TRULY. Massive panic  because I want to be out doing things.  If people weren’t around I’d have cats and dog and wake up at sunset and explore trails and the wilderness and be he healthy and be asleep at sundown.
    1. When people are around women delude me to think that I am staying in shape for them when I AM NOT.  I loathe women and if I had the biological option to not be sexually attracted to anyone I would.  Everything brings me pain.  I stay in great shape  because it makes my life aligned and more clear.
I hid in THICK vegetation when I ran away at age 12.  I was hiding from enemies.  True enemies.  hiding for my life.  TRUE!  My parents conceal their viciousness and spend many a time doing so.  Fortunately they each keep each other from doing seriously dangerous things but they’ve severely corrupted and crippled my life thus far.   Iv’e been trying to leave them for over 12 eyars!!
The only solution here is to leave.  Preferably a place with trustworthy people.  I crave studying.  Latin REALLY fucked me up
So how can I move forward?  I could respond to boards and comments nad villify tdk and ssk that would be GREAT.
I want to read nad connect with the VERY smart authors like dawkins and pinker and orwell’s bio and so many books but I can’t connect with them.  I just wish it could be night time all the time.  I would feel so relaxed and clear.  What about it during the day makes me so stressed twitchy OVERWHELMEd, uncomfortable MAXIMALLY.
MAyhbe it’s because at night you can pretend your anywhere because no one is out. During the day, you’re forced ot experience the local people shit.
I would like to feel peace during the day for once.  I have not felt that for a very long time.  I did in Aus though.  I always want to say wow.  lawl.
I cam capable of buying a ticket to london heathrow via expedia for cheap if it’s 1 month in advance.
I am capable of booking nad living out of hostels.
I am capable of physically lifting nad moving furniture out of the apartment.
It’s the tenth.  Passepartout, bonjour.  We must be clearing out the apartment.  This means selling as much and ditching as much and storing as much as possible just get the shit out of this godforsaken apartment.
1.  Call MCA.  I’m trying to better understand the moving out process with the waklthrough.  I gave a person at hte desk a signed letter of intent that I will not be renewing my lease and will be moving out the end of september.  I need to schedule a wakthrough but need ot understand the policy with that.  For exmaple, trying to understand if I can stay in the apartment for nights after the walkthrough or if the walkthrough indicates the last time I will be in the apartment.  Meaning that after the walkthrough I’m obligated to hand over the keys.  Is it possible to do a walkthrough and hand over the keys 4 days later, for example.  Trying to correlate those plans.
2.  Get the stuff out of the apartment.  The objects that might give you trouble
Sofa — must be sold
Bed — simply carry it out to trash
Bike — a lot of reluctance here passepartout.
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WOW
Read the Army survival guide and from the survival kit (with the tin and mathces and blacnket etc) it was like what was going on.  In america, it is enemy territory and I’ve been tyring to reconnect with friendly forces.  Reading about that is fascinating wow.   judging weather based on cloud types,  hiding in enemy territory, proper way to reconnected with friendly (british, european, possibly maybe ausralian) forces, deadly snakes, edible plansts!!! YEAY  was ridiculous when said hammerhead sharks attacekd people. WRONG. interestin about stalking and sneaking.  Hiding places, contingency plans. intereesint.  types of injuries, blast injuries, thermal injuries, radiation injuries lol.  amazing how neurotoxins in war weapons snd the man-made disastaers are just like hemotoxins (cripplign circulatiory system) an neurotoxics (crippling nervous system thus breathing) of venomous snakes.  kind of related to rogue blade poisnosn with stalking too.
Want to check out
prtotuen man of war
Tolkien Bree Chapter
neurotoxics and hemotoxins
biological agents are scary as
I’ve been stranded in enemy terrioty!!!!!! readiong about singnalling procedsures like hands up pick us up,  laying down need medical assinate
after the hollywood car locok out I iced my leg like a first aid wound fro enemy!! YES  at night the planes over head was like waiting for pickup extracting from american terrritoy , eem yterritoy!

Backstroke. This stroke is also an excellent relief stroke. It relieves the muscles that you use for

other strokes. Use it if an underwater explosion is likely.

LOL

If there are several felled trees

around for comparison, look at the stumps. Growth is more vigorous on the side toward the equator and

the tree growth rings will be more widely spaced. On the other hand, the tree growth rings will be closer

together on the side toward the poles.



i’ve loved england my entire life.jkjkj

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Letter to lindy

My delay in responding was two-fold:  1)I wanted to have a good response because 2) I think you’re very wise and thus want to ensure I respond in a “non-wierdo” ( lol. something I may have already violated 😉 ) way and in way that acknowledges my respect.
Maybe the visit to australia — in addition to meeting so many australians, and irish people and frenchies and the wow friend — was just to “cosmically” meet you ;).  I consider your insights and ideas incredibly valuable and accurate and insightful and uplifting.
My goodness, i’m trying to sound respectful but this almost borderlines a spam message! bollocks.   If you hadn’t noticed, I’m pretty formal and proper almost like I’m from the 19th century (with the exception of my occasional LOLs).   I get this way around people I respect, so consider it nothing other than a peculiar and idiosyncratic compliment.  btw I’m writing this way b/c I know with you creative writing experience you’re one of the few people who can undoubtedly comprehend this.  I enjoy utilizing a full vocabulary.
Of the women I’ve felt a strong conncetion with, there’s been two categories:  only a physical lust-ful attraction which upon lasting longer than a month is painfully ridiuculous and a waste of time and an intellectual-emotional-wisdom interaction that is deeply valuable upon which lasting longer than a month is incredibly uplifting and valuable.  Leaving sexual attraction out of the picture entirely, I defnitely consider you of the latter category.
One thing I can’t stand is how many (mostly american) men get “competitive” when it comes to courtship.  If two people enjoy each other’s company, there’s nothing competitive nor problematic about it!
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Woke up not hungover.  O tried verne julesvern now and was disgusted by alliance and or wow people in general.  Why work hard on a toon when alliance fails in the battlegrounds?  arena will be fun and worthwhile.     Wow = pain now.  most things in life = pain irght now.  may start working out again just because have nothing else to do.  I hate america but am afraid.  feel very afraid of where to go.  iono about aus.  i Know aus is better than usa, and uk better than usa and maybe aus.
i get this twitchy stressed, frightned PANICKED feeing after doing peaceful reading.  I wish i could just read but i get panicked and think that exercise is only way to alleviate the panicked feeling.
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—————————————————————————————————Scottish nd Irealand videos on YOUTUBE.  YES.  Quality. salvaation from pain of america.  Must bombard my mind with thigns I WANT.  so watch and listen to tons of scottish and irish stuff yayayaya!
Californians are delicate, fragile, stupid, dimwitted, disgustingly superficial looosas.   I don’t like australia but I LOATHE america.  Actually aus was solid good quality.  I think Scotland and ireland is the epitome of cool though.
Okay, possible plans of actions that May work.
  1. Sell EVERYTHING currently own (minus clothes).
  2. BUY  17″ Laptop.
  3. Get AUS Work Visa and RENT apartment in Sydney.
  4. Live in AUS.
  5. Visit Ireland and Scotland from living in Aus.
  6. OR ffs replace ireland, UK with aus.
I love the music, I love the soccer.  Love the green pastures.   Love the bold quality people with massive history.   Good keep this up.  Love the green pastures.  i really like the dance irish thing.  i like the proximity to france

Psychologically virtual worlds can help players become more familiar and comfortable with actions they may in real-life feel reluctant or embarassed. For example, in World of Warcraft, /dance is the emote for a dance move which a player in the virtual world can “emote” quite simply. And a familiarization with said or similar “emotes” or social skills (such as, encouragement, gratitude, problem-solving, and even kissing) in the virtual world via avatar can make the assimilation to similar forms of expression, socialization, interaction in real life smooth. Interaction with humans through avatars in the virtual world has potential to seriously expand the mechanics of one’s interaction with real-life interactions.



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OLD PRE AUS


lmao! yeah I do write heaps.

re laptop, still undecided, likely wont’ bring though.  I like having access to my documents though..

hhmm well if you’re going to be in shcool, i’ll probbaly psend a few days in sydney, train up to brissy roughly 27 or so get their 27-29ish, try to meet up with you and am.  Wouldn’t it be SICK if all three of us could meet up? lmoa.

ah so you have 2 siblings too.  I’m the oldest, youre the youngest, nice.  I hae 2 younger bros, but sometimes they seem older lol. sis in bris, where’s bro boing?

LOL head explode lol.  Yikes, sounds like emotional stuff too lol!!!!!!  I’d recommend writing, and exercise, flushing things out lol.

yikes. re flu  well someitmes doing stuff you woudln’t do while sick (I recommend running or exercise xD but emails is okay) srsly helps your mind

also re christianity and religion. What was it like for you when you got in touch with god or jesus?

I am very cautious to discuss/debate religion with people because they usually have questioning it “out of boudns” lol.  Anyways, I respect your seriousness of it.  kk

I understand how you feel strongly about that.  Atheism has been something I’ve just discovered on my own.  I read the bible (have you read it?) and frankly it offers no explanation for how the world works/started (that’s all chem, bio, physics, ) and I frankly have a bit of a hard time taking anyone seriously who actually believes the stories in the bible (like adama and eve genesis etc) as anything but just fantasay fictional stories.

I also have a HUGE problem with childhood indoctrination of religion.

Finally, i was born into christianty, did communion, was baptized all that was raised, and met a lot of christians and i seriously gave it a chacne and studied it massively.  It took me WAY too long to realize that I was MASSIVeLY incredibly wasting my time.  My mind was occupied wit h”spirituality” and “god” and other fictions that don’t exist when meanwhile I was missing out on all this AMAZING science and amazing physics and chem and truthfully how things work.

the way i see it is,  How did we land on the moon? physics.  If we all kept reading the same biblical literature could we have landed on the moonn? developed planes? learn about our anatomY?  There’s 206 bones in human body.  I learned that from science. Religion doesn’t provide that.

I seriously respect your difference in view.  and I totally respect you for having those differences, there’s just no moral value nor explanatory value from the bible and it makes people servile, so I was like wait…this is a MASSIVE distraciton and waste of my time, why mingle iwth it? lol

book of numbers moses ordered the massacre of all boy children and non-virgins to be killed; moses is a heinous role model lol.  all the brainwashing with the appeal to fear of the “fiery pits of hel” (which i, trust me, have had christians screaming at me in costa rica) is just highly toxic imho.  I have millions of other reasons like forefathers being atheist, how christians make up 75% of american prison populations, etc. but all that ASIDE, ultimately science makes me happier, more successful and more fulfilled; I feel safe with science.  I do not with religion.

Hwoever, that said, i totally respect your difference in opinions for sure.

I’m all science.  Science is clarity and freedom. For ME (not everyone) science provides massive clarity, freedom ,success, understanding, peace.  Understanding how things work.  all I read these days are science books and travel books (for visualization travel).  Occasional classic fiction (like british authors doyle, stevenson, etc) is great too.

There’s just too much valuable stuff in neuroscience nad physics for ME to learn to increase the clarity, success, and joy of my life to focus on much else (except occasional wow xD).  I’ve studied nearly every subject in college from accounting to english to religion to drama to philosophy, and science/precision is me lol.

anyways what books do you read?  Cheers hos.  I’m realizing more nad more and more what am said, we’re all different! 😀

Anyways, ur awesome hossy, ttyl, hopefully things willclick so can meet up in Aus with you and/or am.  I likely won’t have cell phone (unless I get one when i’m there, so after the 23rd all communication will likely be FB or email in internet cafe or something lol) cool as.

kk

what the hell did they do in the hospital?/

That night I was crying nonstop…spitting…etc.  Can you walk me through that?  I typically remember like Massive details of my life, but some elements of that strange night are hazy.  Thanks, mate.

The Value of Provocability is essential to Deterrence

“initial niceness and subsequent forgivingness or retaliation” as recipe for stable relationsihp.  Very cool.

America espouses freedom and acts as if it’s one of the most free countries.  However, I found it one of the most condeming.  England was very polished, sophisticated, and liberating.  America exercise law enforcement in such a way that it’s almost like mind control, thought police.  America is an incredibly dangerous place for “free thought”, which doesn’t exist in america.  You want to think something freely, you must do so in secret, in America.  America is infested by christian cult members prosetylizing and making your dumber by the second.  Christopher Hitchens so brilliantly points out that “religion is a poison”.  Oklahoma, Kansas, Texas are very frightening places.  They’re full of rednecks who actually believe “god made the ground”.  America (and rightfully so, it deserves it) gets laughed at when you travel.  I’m disgusted with the reputation of being an American.

Great Magazines for Atheism

Free Inquiry

In response to a number religious (criticizing) and atheist (applauding) comments to my arguments I just wanted to express my gratitude for the multitude of these responses: they have all either bolstered, encouraged, affirmed, and/or fueled my direct and deliberate repudiation of religion and advanced my trust, reliance, and belief in atheism and science!

America is a very obtuse, belligerant, and bullying nation.  The Bush Campaign (early on) specifically used words like “Crusade” in regards to their war on “Terror”.  The best image of America is a very low-!Q, very big behemoth bully weilding a spiked bat that cannot see clearly and frequently blabs and screams commands.  It’s just frankly a horrible place.  You cannot thrive in America.  You cannot thrive in an environment that’s focused on manufacturing the fallacious image of being an “all-loving, free speech inducing, killing of evil”.  In america, as Christopher Hitchens brilliantly pointed out, any dim-witted brute can respond to your argument with the two words “That’s offensive!” and expect you to actually believe that those two words constitute an argument, they do not.  Me hurting your feelings does not constitute an argument.   While someone may take joy in the schaedenfreude of offending someone we mustn’t commit the logical fallacy of appealing ot emotions.  And that’s frequently what the three cults do: the three cults appeal to emotions, and this is a logical fallacy.

Logical Fallacies

Religion, most notoriously Christianity, infamously frequently appeals to emotion, specifically to the cudgel and to fear.  “If you don’t follow xyz rule, you’ll burn in hell!” That is deliberate appeal to the cudgel and to fear.  That is not an argument and is frankly bordering abuse.   Here’s what one of the greatest authors American literature says on the subject of the Bible:

It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies.

– Letters from the Earth

I especially relish in this one: “I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.

– Mark Twain in Eruption”

Ah…brilliant induction Mr. Clemens.

kjkj

Frankly this is just getting a little old in life.  I have a bachelor’s degree, I’m insanely intelligent, and I live in a shithole apartment out of my dad’s pocket and have made like no money in my life.  I’ve tried to make money and it always results in failure.  I guess I’m just simply not interested in money.

I have to acknowledge all of hollywood for what it is…a disgustingly massive cult infestation with all people in it cult members or leaders and the whole situation is incredibly toxic!

Worse of all the cult members demand that you look at them and seek attention to show off their oppulent…well pieces of crap wooden boxes.

Even worse the cult members devote their time and their lives to making YOU feel inadequate so that you yearn to “be like them” and have the things they have…which is death to freedom.

Britain and Australia are safe places because of the naturalness.

Evidence that My Parents have isolated and excommunicated me from their family

Barely any pictures painted of me around the house (compared to James and Thomas); few pictures of me.

Counter: I wasn’t as good artist.

Counter: You should still post of paintings out of respect.

Plan all family trips with the four of them, without even asking me if I’d want to be involved

Counter: I haven’t wanted to in the past, so they don’t bother to ask.

You should still do that out of respect.

They’ve never arranged for family therapy, but twice for me to be psychologically evaluated. They’re evading and concealing their involvement by making me the problem.

I’m convinced that Susan brainwashed Tom to make him think that teaming up with me would be evil.

Proof: he

Psychologists I’ve seen, trained with, and had dialogues with (8) and their diagnoses of me

1999.  John Cooper (10-20 hours) – no disorder

2001.  Katherine Sane (10-20 hours) – no disorder

2001.  Irene Kokatay (5-10 hours)– depressed, no disorder

2001.  Tanze – (1-2 hours) profoundly psychotic, no disorder

2002-3.Bill Dove – (20-30 hours) acute anxiety, no disorder

2004.  Hal Kopeikin – (1-2 hours) no disorder

2005.  Social Worker at Iowa Hospital — schizophrenia

2007   William Ciganek (15-20 hours) – bipolar

Disorder Accusations — People with Authority, prestige, and/or psychological expertise accusing me of having a disorder (13)

Let’s play “What disorder does John have?” So far I’ve been diagnosed or “thought to have” bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, acute anxiety disorder, autism, asperger’s syndrome, schizophrenia, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress syndrome, psychosis, depression, ADD/ADHD, narcissism.

Can you add to the list?;)

Irene Kokatay – depressed

Drew – thought I had anxiety

Megan – asked if there was something up with me (hange-uppe)

Tanze – profoundly psychotic

Ciganek – bipolar

Dove – acute anxiety

Murray – learning disability

Binh – panic attack

Laura Hearn – asked if there was something up with me, bipolar, narcissism

Iowa shrink – schizophrenic

Kevin psychic – autistic

Ssk – bipolar, schizophrenia

Tdk – bipolar, schizophrenia

Jsk – bipolar, schizophrenia

The real deal? There’s no reliability. I’m as clear and as clean as a whistle. All diagnoses are defense mechanisms – ego defense mechanisms for whomever said that.

Won’t Make it With Acting

Kimberly Senior – You won’t be successful. You aren’t brad pitt.

Lindblade — Musical

John Dodd – Texas Shakespeare

People outside hyde – It won’t happen.

Beth – discouraged acting

Good thing These people were RIGHT I hate acting!

Will have Success with Acting

Ms. Hardegan

Random woman at Chateau Marmont.

The very severe problem is I still feel like I can’t be free, say or do what I want becaus of finances.  God how much longer am I going to be locked and bound into a financial bit of bullshit? 





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September 12, 2009 — 2:00 AM
Post-run Clarity
NOTES ON cOMPOSERS!! (AR in classical music mindmap)
Because of its complexity, likely very easy to get lost in Brahms’ work without a guide.  May think are in one part but it’s just this modified, new version, reinstallation of a previous theme with variations.  It’s very interconnected, cool, mathematical-like, computational loop-like!! I love Brahms 4 sytmphony at least and love how meticulous, self-critical and precise he was to produce VERY polished symphonies.  Most all other composers I like (Beethoven and Mozart) have very polished symphonies but have them for different reasons.  Mozart was a genius and could just flush out a composition of brilliance and complexity at ease.  Beethoven was going deaf and thus wrote with a kind of anguished passion that created precision.  Brahms was just extremely self-critical, meticiulous, and rigorous of himself in his composition.  All three EXCELLENT composers.    Debussy’s Dialogue avec La Vent et La Mer is excellent, too.
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Aslo a ton of video games popped up after running.  If I held the belief (which I do not) that what emerges “is meant to be” bleh meh barf!! Then I ‘d have to play all those.  I do not have ot.  I may.  idk but I’m glad I deliberately listened to Johannes Brahms instead as that felt enlightening and great. Jolly good.
I always get a bit panicked after the running high wears down.  pancikeked about what tod iwht time I guess.
Temporarily felt as though I was threatened, my music sophisticated interest thing was sthreated not by hollywood videos becuase I KILLED those YAAY. but by video games.  I still do play video games and quite like the looks of some video games like assassins creed 2 and uncharted 2 (naught dog is great).    But wouln’t I benefit more from studying classical composers.  they’re harder to enjoy but their enjoyment is I feel definitely MUCH more enduring true.  Video games are quick to enjoy but less end sometiems much less enduring enjoyment sometiems. interesting.  good stuff!

I gotta figure out verne stuff . meh.  I need people to run him on quests ffs.  so annoying to get great gear ya.     the 29 bracket VERNE WAS AGAME.  hte 39 bracket seems SO feeble and lame dang.  cna’t wait till good gear.  and this new server is VERY meh if the mongoose’s don’t sell .  it’s just cool when all is good and I realizzed the boa gear is wAY overrated when trying to twink level etc.
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September 12, 2009 — 3:30 AM
dt
All I read, listen to, and watch is uk, british or european-based stuff. I loathe america. Europe is all I care about. I have zero tolerance for wasting my life out of europe. EVERYTHING is in europe. All the most advanced electronic games, all the composers great ones were from europe, everything I’m interested in for entertainment is european. Europeans are more polite, more sophisticated and more intelligent than most all other places (esp. america). I’d be more peaceful, feel stronger, more intelligent, and more focused in europe. Because of all those congruencies and symmetries, professionaly I’d have and experience MUCH MUCH MUCH more success. it makes sense, you get into a place that you like and respect amongst PEOPLE whom you like and respect (europeans) and things will be inevitably more ausipicous. True.


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September 12, 2009 — 3:49 AM
DISCOVERED PARKOUR. LOOKS Sooooooooooooo RAd. Agility, Gymnatisc, alacrity, intelligence, obstacle overcoming,  Running RAD RAD RAD!!!!!!   French terminology. bRiLLIANt.
It’s agility. ALL my favorite video games.  prince of persia all the games are like free running and parkour.  The French terminolgy is brilliant. this is an intelligent discipline.  It requires TREMENDOUS finesse.  It’s fun, it requires massive planning and problem solving.  This would be GREAT something to train for.  Training “for women” is REALLY gay, retarded, and falalcious (because you’ll end up a pissed angry stupid person).  Training for parkour would be excellent and great.  I REALLY like this because of the mental and physical discipline (present in things like jeet kun do) BUT also it’s non combative and all about physical and mental personal development.  It’s non-competitive which is briliatn and I love the french language directly infused iwth parkour.  I REALLY like that.  awesome.  Awesome on so many levels — physically, linguistically, intellectually.  brilliant aND it’s (of course) big in uk and europe. this is awesome.  This is an inspiration to train.  I’ve had a lot of training for it with all my swimming, my marathons, my biking, my martial arts, my surfing…yeah.
This aligned with and congruent with the following pre-existing interests:
French language
Rogue
Agility class
gymnastics
lightness
mental and physical discipline
GENUINE (not bullshit tony robbings) personal development
overcoming obstacles
problem-solving
Spatial Awareness
dance.
looking at urban terrain not as place to be cuibcle rat, but as a playground.
health
closest thing to video game as rl
Thus it is VERY moving forward.
B
Thus begins the LONG List of European (namely british) HEROS.  Note: These are just heroes in general, they just all happen to be eurowinners:
  1. Bear Gryllz
  2. David Tennant
  3. Dr. Who in general
  4. BBC in gernal
  5. Tony Blair
  6. Richard Dawkins
  7. Christopher Hitchens
  8. Roald Dahl
  9. Douglas Adams
  10. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Scottish)
  11. Derren Brown
  12. Bram Stoker (Irish)
  13. Zeppelin
  14. Rolling STones
  15. Servant
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September 12, 2009 — 4:54 PM
Quick Analysis of AUS
What happened at jonathon vos’s house?
1.  I remember (and I supress this memory) feel attacked and that he was very hostile in the billiards room.  I remember wanting to leave that night because i felt like he was trying to start a fight.  This caused 2 things:
1.  I felt betrayed and socked in the gut emotionally because here was this presumed friend I had traveled 11,000 miles to meet and see and he was acting hostile and aggressive toward me.
2.  I didn’t know how to politely take exit.  I felt miserable ther eand would have been happier leaving but I am so poor with departures.  that’s something upon which I wasnt to seriously improve. GOOD depaarture skills are INVALUABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what about that home life was so uncomfrotable??
Cult-like
the controlling mom
the lack of freedom. I felt bound to whatever they did.
it was weird they didn’t even have dinner really.
it was too much like my biofam which was a horrendously toxicfeeling.
the old woman was a lot like beah.
I felt like an intruder or not wanted of sorts.
I started eating food and I remember being quite angry that last night in west end doing that ANGRY run.  I remember the women looking at me all in awe and I remember I hated those women and wanted to bash their face in because they were ALL a trap.  I remember chowing the fallalef burrito thing in anger.   So I was very angry because of the 1,2 above but also because of leaving aus prob.
I would like to understand why I had enureiss so that I can understand HOW to stop having it when travel.  I never have it when rooted/burrowed in a place.
I would like to be able to instantly became hypnotized, absorbed, and entranced by the book worled JUST like I was when drinking.  I loved that and would love to be able to go into that mode without drinking.
I wnat to comfortably, smoothly, and stressfree, GET A NEW DAMN APARTMENT (hopefully in other country) and move out the damn furntirue by the 20th.  FFS.  I don’t want to stay stressed about this!
OMG BRILLIANT.
Using  acombination of time-line therapy, I realized that Latin was just 2 (three if you count year I went back but you shouldnt cout nthat) years of my life.  CC was just 3 years.  bio fam was just 16 really and I can se the beginning and ending of those segments. relatively they were VERY small chunks of my life and in no way determine my future.  I have no connections with Latin school crap!! just like I have no connections with cc crap! YAY.  Far out.  I can actually enjoy my life and my life is NOT defined by the pain of schools.  BRILLIANT.  WOW I love seeing those time periods as small, definied MODULAR chunks of time  I think rereading fellowship fo the ring (which I DSTINCTLY read freshman year) helped with hat EXACTLY excellent it’s liberating me from the latin chunk JOLLY GOOD YYAY!!  I am liberated from the family chunk too AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
el
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September 13, 2009 — 12:09 AM
What prspective could I have to nullify the toxic bio-farm
look at htem as wow players and me as a boss.  i hate them because they do so much damge so that generates agro…okay. BUT I also design the game and I specifically block them out of hte encounter and make me inaccessible.  BRILLIANT!
got inner voice saying . this time will shape the course of my life… so I’m doing a bit of timeline nlp therapy strategy.
my future is very undefined.   colorless etc.
trying to envison my timeline with biotoxicparents (BTPs) dead.  it seems much greater.
NEGATIVE past memoreis BLOCK your future.  I believe that and KNOW that because I have no future and have plenty of negative past memories.  So I must extract the negative past memories to create positive future. HARD WORK.
I TRULY know that reading GREAT memory books like Tolkein (QUALITY and ENTERTAINNING books) truly brings forward incredible good new memories.  over-writing all the crap ones.  your life is a place for memory-creation.  Therefore, toxic memories cripple not just the moment, but hte future as well.  Avoid them, negate them, dissolve and eradicate them at all costs.  Get in the habit of experiencing so many uplifting memories that a neutral memory is the rare exception.  How to do that?
I must say I feel a bit frigthened.
The belongings I have DO shape my future because if I had no other belongings other than what I brought, i’d have stayed in aus longer.  When in the apartment even less is best!! And when out of apeartmetn less is unquestionaby best!
So I will discard the coffee table and the chest of drawers nd the shelves yes.
iF i put the clothes in storage, I will still have to decide what to do with them later, but maybe time will tell that the surfaboar
surfbao
the chest of drawers, coffee table, and shelves are useless unused and in NO WAY shape my life. therefore they’re vendor trash.  incredible waste of space and time.
The sofa also does NOT shape my life at all. I’d love to discard it.
Bike, surfboards may have impact on life.  bike shapes life b/c differen kind of exercise and thus diff kind of build kind of more taknk biold which I DO NOT WANt.  surfing is agility which is cool but they’re clunky.
As my suits.     (can provide professional look but I HATE and do not and WILL NOT go to bars.  I LOATHE bars, so at most I need 1-2 suits srsly).
as may pet gear.  pet’s are a responsibility and if you have them they can take up time but also provide some joy (henry was pain but got me out frequent)
car.  shapes life because it’s transportation, id’ travle less without public tans without car
what would be craziest. Sell discared EVERYTHIGN except two clothes bags and get new phone and new laptop.
This is kind of defining what I’m interested in.  I don’t have much interest in biking.
surfing is tied in with parkour so it’s a more acceptable interest.
computers yes essential for news, fun, entertainment, communicatin, connectivity, ideas et.c
I’mS SO angry at this point putting THIS much thought into ALL this junk.  SERIOUSLY.  Acquiring somethign is a BIG thing from now on.  I MUST MUST MSUT go through the process of where will this thing go?  will have to lug it around?  shouldn’t all books be audio or pdf digital ONLY?!! YES!!!!! All books should be audio or pdf digital now yes.
WHENEVER, ALWAYS….
if (considering buying something) {
ask_2_Questions;
ask_self(“Where will I put this item when I’m using it?”) ; // e.g. video game will it go in game binder?  book will it go in book box?   if pdf whichi folder whre it go int?
ask_self (“Where will this item go AFTER I am done using it?”);  // will definitely sell it?  Will re-use it ever?  etc
}
/*
Answering those questions ensures that what you get will not quickly turn into useless clutter that clutters not just your physical space, but your MIND.
THIS IS SO important.  You have to comfortably and logically see the life-cycle of what you’re about to buy.
If you eve see it getting “snagged and getting stuck ever”, you shouldn’t buy it.  Why buy something that brings toxic pain?  Do not!
*/
What I like about LINDY
She’s HOT
Wise
Sexy,
SENSITIVE
Like Arwen from tolikien
I might love her.
INTELLIGENT.
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I MUST get the furntiute and belonging thing resolved now.  Otherwise I’ll get an apartment and 6 months later I’ll have to resolve it THEN.  so I must resolve it. yes.
This is a problem because I’m having problems seeing into the future and planning things.  I live constantly IN-Time.  that’s fine but I want access to through time too.  booking the aus flight was def thhrough time yea.
This is CHOICE and QUALITY and UPLIFTING that I’m seeing latin and CC not as something I need to scrutinize for the rest of my life but as a FINITE, DSTINCT and ISOLATED era of my life JUST like BIOFAM is isolated YES.  And that I can begone with them and focus on creating good memores AND this coincidicdes wiht reading tolkien yeS EXCELLENT BRILLIANT.
What about settling down??? I haven’t done that in sooo long.  i can’t settle down in america that is true.  Britain I could. aus I potentially could.  Where would be the most uplifting place?  UK likely.
What will I LIKELY NEVER give up.
READING and learning.  And the crispness of somethign absoltuely true like evolutioanry biology and math.
Clasisc FICTION is INCREDIBle. IF I hand’t fully eliminated hollywood BS i wouldn’t be advancing my life rereading tolkein now YES TRUE!! jOY!! I will reread tolkein many a times likely AWESOME XD
Things Iam GLAD are in the past and done
Latin
Highschool
Colorado College
Maybe all my websites
Coaching
Blogging
America
What’s in the future?
BIO
math
FICTION classics like tolkien
Europe
a bit of aus
being outside and freedom
politeness
parkour
Intelligence
Lindy
Eating heartily
swimming.
Classical music
RIGHT now 4 types of hindrances to mobility freedom
Clunky anti-mobile belongs (furniture, surfboards, excessclothes, etc.)
Binding Commitments (imprisons your time) like classes
Lack of money
Lack of transportation
Therefore 4 Modus Operandi of Mobility Freedom
  1. Mobile, small, portable belongings
  2. Open Schedule
  3. Presence of Currency
  4. Presence of Transportation methods (public or private)
For example i
I fear I may not be able to sort out the clothes, the surfboard, bike, and computers, being pinioned by them forever as well as the kitchen stuff etc.
AB:  fear not sorting out and getting pinioned yes came back from aus and oculdnt’ figure it. Must have place to go to.
A¬B:  fear not sorting things out but wasn’t pinioned.  tempriarly in chic and aus I guess I just kind of sprang for it
¬AB:  note feared pinonsed but was. YES at cc had VERY little but had class oglibations and no car and no money.  So transpraotion method, NO binding ocmmitmetns (like clases) and Money KEY in ADDITION to not having BURDEN WEIGHTS to fmobioilgty freedom.
¬A¬B:  no fear no belognigns and not pinioned…hhmmm IDK if have ever felt that!
apply to self:  isn’t fearing eliminating clutter a destructive belief that clutters and sludgifies your mind?  Wouldn’t i be healthier and maybe have conected with lindy MORE because I would’ve been freer to say goodbye to jonathon after one day?  YES quite likely!! Eliminating clutter makes your connections better because I’ll have littler tolerance for toxic or neural or TRAPS and connect with and make efforts to stay connectd wtih uplifting people!  btrits
intention:  inteinon of that is if I want to randomly bike or ranomly surf or randomly put something in a drawer, then i’ll have the “materials for it’ but meanfhiwle those materials that I havent’ used in 2 years some clutter everything!!  I hauled that piece of shit bike aroudn in care coamd FFS.
consequence:  Consequence is moving is an nemormous headache and I linger around toxic peopel and things longer because I don’t get rid of toxic perosnal belognisn TRUE!
hierarchy of criteria:  isn’t it more imp what would take to get rid os oemti if it weraked and created massive disarray and dirtiness.  if it was 100% broken and non-sellable and I never used it.  if I felt that using it was dangerous for my health.
chunk down:  have relicate to move cetain atoms to trash area.
chunk of:  inability to let go and to look at my life as “phases” yeah did surfing and biking phase. that’s over. I’m into europe and travel and wholistic health with fiction classics, math, evo bio, and atheism now!
reality strategy:  operates from reality taht old thigns can get reused (IDEAS yes, belongisn not really. where has this happend?) true.
what would this problem look ike if 100% dissolved:  My thinking would be stress-free. I’d feel very liberated.
ADVICe: Learn the art of saying good-bye happily to unused material belongings.  A happy goodbye because this means that more room for things, people, ideas, and practices I love will have more space in my life.  Eliminating clutter unclogs your life so that you can focus on quality stuff that’s valuable.
Associating:
Lindy
Med Cruise
Aus
TOLKEIN!!
Geom math, trig, precision good tiems
maps
Classical Music
EUROPE, Aus, Ireland, JAPAN!
Astronomy
evo bio
Me smiling
parkour
Surv Nature, botany maybe
would I ever WANT to not have mobility freedom?  Like would I ever WANT to have something like a surfboard or a bike that keeps me stuck more in one place or that makes travel with all beongsings a hindrance?
At this point in life I cannot forsee that not happpening.  I always value mobility.    But comfort in apartmetn with monitor and computer is VERY valuable as well.
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Watching Pain 80 days
I AM SOOO NOT into
business (shmoozing. obsessed iwth money)
politics
AM INTO
games, gaming
video games
math, science, bio. atheism, evo, botany
parkour
Classical music
slight performance
I feel GREAT after the teimliene therapy. that’s HARD SCARY but EFFFECTIVE work. rocking.
The wealthy person who knows nothign of science, mth, and atheism is worse than the impoversished
ENORMOUS Realization that has LIBERATING Magnitude.
Psychology is a crock of shit — Feynman said that!
NLP Timelines are GREAT, but ALL DSM, all traditional psychology (ptsd, anxiety, depression etc) IS A CROCK OF SHIT.
THE FLAWS in american society are grossly pronnoucned and brilliantly pronounced by palin when he points out the strip-club infedibelity stuff,, the obesity,   the superficiality,  the preaching-like culture shit. OMG.
ya I don’t want new york.
I WANT A
Dear Passepartout,
Bonjour! Time is pressed indeed for my departure from america. there are many undecided variables such as the destination, details of traveling with the belongings, disposing of non-portable belongings, and ensuring that my destination and transportation there is inexpensive.  First let’s start with the belongings.  Suits, for a start, are an ENORMOUS encumbrance.  I would like occasional experiences to wear suits, but even if/when those arise, I wouldn’t want to decide between so many!  So what I would like to do is travel with one suit, 2 ties, 1 vest, and 2 collared shirts for my “informal garb” at MOST.  however deciding that one suit will be VERY problematic and frankly I don’t know which one I like hte best so I am thoroughly stumped on that one.  I may end up bringing all of them, bollocks, what a travel encumbrance hauling all that around.
The bike, with much heartfelt consideration, I think I will sell.  Simple as that.
The surfboards, while incredibly fun, I simply don’t use enough to be encumbered by.
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To discuss with lifecoach
timelines permanenlty leaving TOXIC biofam
Eliminatng personal belonging JUNK
Moving to other country.
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problem-solving
8th grade retreated into movie world because of stress and anxiety of “new beginning anxity of highschool”…okay………..hat “new beginning” was a lot of chicks liked me and had to adapt to teachers.  if I would’ve know n that’s what I should’ve been nervous about I could hae prepare for that how?  by just folowing emoitons nad neglecting gossip.  Kara bachman is clean, playful good.  was.  but gossp labeled her as slutty.  neglect gossip.   it’s almost always wrong.
okay so NOW I am NERVous as ALL hell about not knowing where I am going to live!
do the same, dont’ listen to gossip!  maybe cities are like women .   don’t listen to the gossip of cairns (they said was lame etc. bleh).
The hell of the belonging shit makes me weant to die.  But then if I sell the car and have to get a new one later the hell of THAT shit is hellish .  thigns are not deseribl thigns wiht bleogns eem slow cumbersome hellish anguishing painful
maybe living in iwlserness migth beoo
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September 14, 2009 — 7:20 PM
I like solving things myself but I’ve done Mindmaps Dissolving limiting beliefs Soem terrific timeline therapy (which was amazingly energizing) dozens of other things and I’m still nervous about selling car because bluntly, if I need to acquire a car, it’s quite a bitch to do so. but The entire reason I flew back from aus was to eliminate junk and move out of the apartment, so I’m definitely feeling bound to my junk and it’s drowning/keeping me locked in a dangerous place in a sense. The most problematic items (I think because of their potential financial value) or that I used them quite a lot are Bike 2 surfboards car dad’s inheritted suits old clothes that are in great quality but that I rarely wear  I can’t seem to get rid of/sell those items but I haven’t used the bike in over 2 years. I’ve only used 1 surfboard once. I guess the suits and clothes I could potentially use if/when I get to a place that’s more professional…. I’m moving out of the country so eliminating those things “Guilt-free” (meaning with no regrets nor qualms) is vitally important. I’ve seriously wracked my brain about this. Packing up the 7 suits (all of which I’ve worn probably only a couple dozen times at most in total) in suitcases, unpacking them, changing the hangers, trying to decide if I should keep 1 or 2….tried selling furniture multiple times on ebay. The bike has a big market and will be easy to sell but (i’m still in good shape) if I decide to start biking again, I’d want the bike. But This is like trying to unravel why I got into biking in the first palce and realizign it may have been “just a phase”??? I don’t know. Same goes for surfing. Those things were VERY important activities in my life maybe 3-4 years ago (that’s all I did practically) but now, it’s just not that much of an interest and that I find disturbing . So meanwhile I’m stuck with the remnants of this kind of “old” shell of an activity and am stumped on what to do with the remains in a sense primarily because I’m not sure if surfing and/or biking are things I have retired for swimming and running and soccer etc. Biking was very cheesy with the repairs and it was Horrendous for posture, made me nervous, horrendous for my nerves. Running and swimming and parkour are MUCH better for the body in terms of agility. I don’t think I liked biking but I did hundreds and hundreds of miles biking and for many many years…that’s astounding. :confused: bollocks….


The car i could easily eliminate if I KNEW had it mapped out and setup that I was living for 1+years in xyz country.

I’ve read books on this (it’s all too much GTD etc).




SELLING DECISION TREE
Eliminating clutter (even if that clutter is almost all the furniture you own) massively changes your life.  You think differently.  If I had no belongings in the states, I would have even mroe smoothly, instantly, and even more easily “moved in” so to speak when visiting aus.  You find things that you previously owned or find/devise easier ways to asccess them for free.

I wish I could make a program that would calculate everything and despite the peculiarity of the outcome decision, ALWAYS produce the best decision.  That would be so liberating, uplifting, relaxing, and rid me of anxiety forever likely.  Because then all I would have to do is input the data into the computer program and then execute the results.


Surfboards and Bike :
  1. SELL — optimal, if sold for great price b/c if wanted another could just get one.
  2. Store @ 130 —  possible would be like “donation’ but it would be too dangerous to go back to retrieve it if needed to sell or use it so this one os actually not very plausible.
  3. Store @ Storage  — okay in terms of accessibility, the only problem is that it would leave more clutter in the states which is exactly what I want ot eliminate, so while better than teh 130 alternative, this one is undesirable because it “sprawls me out” which isn’t good.
  4. DISCARD —   Very unlikely because i could get ATLEAST $500 maybe $1000 for all three of those
  5. Travel with if stay in continent  —  this would be perfectly fine if I knew I’d USE the items, but I do not know that and do not foresee that.
  6. Considerations, this could have bene VERY unpleasant outlets for music and music may be somethig that I want to do and keeping the bike and surfboards prevents me from committing/connectign with musci

Sofa, shelves, drawers, nightstand, mattress, 1 leather chair
  1. SELL — would like to sell, but I don’t use these at all. so they are easily discardable.
  2. DISCARD — likely, but less prefered simply because could earn litle extra money.

Car
  1. SELL   — A GREAT way to get quite a bit of money, $8000 atleast I’d say.  discarding the car is not an option.  Selling the car would mean more public transportation (something that, when in another country) is actually preferred to car because dont’ ahve to worry about the transportation method just destiatnons sweet.  no car provides adaptability too. with a car (and this is counterintuitive) you have to worry about parking it, protecting it, paying for it, etc.
  2. Travel With  — if I stay on this continent, traveling with the car would be a must and convienent.  If I did this, i’d have to get new plates and update the sticker.
  3. Store @ Storage. —  this is oonly an option if I foresee coming back to america and that’s precisely what I’d want to avoid upon leaving the counntry, so this alternative is much less preferred because it adds to the illusion that “i live in america”, when that is false.  I do not live in america.

Silly collection of prop jewelery things, hats
  1. Discard — possible
  2. Discard some — possible.
  3. Travel with — okay because portable but definitely feels like clutter
  4. Storage = meh


Suitcases —
  1. Could use for transporting informal suit wear
  2. Discard — could with some, but some are useful posisble
  3. use for storing garb — some but then the problem is clutter could be storing  clutter.

Misc — Electronics box, bathroom box, bedding box, printer, iron, kitchen items
  1. keep for next place to stay; if I stay in an apartment of any sort other than living out of hostels, i will need these.


Suits
  1. SELL Some  — possibly.  If I knew which souits I liked/didn’t like.  I think the light beige one I can sell or discard.
  2. SELL All — very  unlikely.  A suit can fit in a suitcase and i just bought ties.  I am very perplexed on how to deal with these, but atleast keeping ONE is almost certainly a must.
  3. Store in Storage — would work fine, but again the sprawl problem occurs
  4. Ship Back to 428  — okay but unlikely because i wouldnt’ want to deal with getting it again.  It took me long enough to get my stuff OUT (and it is ALL out now yay! save hiking photos )  of 428 so sending it back is almost out of the question
  5. Travel With All  — unpleasant consideration because traveling with 7 suits would be aboslutely ridiculous.  I wouldn’t wear all of them.  unles they become my new “normal wardrobe” but i rarely ever go out in the first place nad when I do, I don’t want to draw attention to myself.  so travelin with all the suits would only occur because of lack of decisio nof which one(s) to travel with.
  6. Travel with Some — This option would be good.  a back up suit or 2 or something in case wanted to look informal.  But using them and where I’d use them is problem.  If on a ship and had “Formal day” THAT woudl be GREAT I’d love having a suit then.  If that was the case, I’d take hickey.  I’ve put recent time into getting suit-rlated thigns.  Ties, GREAT Boots.  So it’s obvious that I may wear those occasionally. Why? For what?  to see if ‘ts gear and can chagne anytnign? IDK.  I DO NOT want to wear suits in america that is for sure.

Book Boxes (old)
  1. 428
  2. storage
  3. travel with some.

Book Box (new)
  1. travle with storage

Desk
  1. Travel With  — if stay in the continent, I will likely want ot keep the desks. they’r good for computers
  2. DISCARD  — probably unforutnatley best alternative to leaving continent
  3. Storage  — possible but again, adds to illusion of living in america.

Old Clothes
  1. Storage —  possible but adds to illusion of living in america, which isn’t a good illusion to which to contribute
  2. DISCARD — likely will occur to some
  3. Send back to 428 — meh, possibly, but will likely not see them again and this is sending them to some place I want to sincerely never go back to so that’s not a good optin
  4. TRavel with — again dispicable because of massive clutter.  I got sooo many clothes ffs.
Computers
  1. Keep and travel with
  2. Sell
  3. Sell and get laptop
Clncolsuisons:
Many things will be decided (mainly all discards or sells) if I leave the continent.
It should only in the future, purchase very portable compact, collapsible furniture and desks, etc.
If Sold everythign was considering selling, could easily make over $9,000.
What will I do “after” xya ravel.  How di  aofjsdoi
Getting a NEW what I WANT outlet will make relinqiushing this old skin stuff (bikes, surfbaords etc) VERY easy and natural and smooth. new skin could be music
One reason that some of my mind agreements may have been “on hold” may have to do with having this obstacle-producing clutter.
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September 14, 2009 — 8:38 PM
places to go
  1. Aus, live in hostels
  2. Aus, rent an apartment
  3. Aus stay with friend
  4. Uk, live in hotels
  5. Uk, live in apartment
  6. UK, meet peopel stay with them
  7. Drive to east coast, unkonwn
  8. Drive ot Canada, unknown
  9. Drive ot Alaska, unkonwn
  10. Fly to Japan, Unknown
FULL Gameplan IDEAS
  1. Sell all furniture, sell bike (i’ll use gyms or outside, and will SWIM), sell surfboard, I’m done with westcoast and if want to surf 3-4 times per year I will get one.  Keep all suits.
    1. Shoes — keep 1 puma, 1 running, 1 new, maybe doc martins
    2. keep all clothes
    3. keep computers
DECISiONS
PHONE
  1. Get iphone
  2. Get iphone, discard ipods
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ddt
MY CAREER
September 14, 2009 — 8:11 PM
REasons why I dislike Coaching
  1. Clients’ problems quickly become my problems
  2. I have enough problems solving my own problems
  3. Clients don’t respect what I do for them
  4. I feel like clients dump their problems onto me.
  5. I only like using nLP on myself and dislike how little respect I get for it from other clients.
  6. It’s a game of keeping peopel “addicted” to your voice and your advice in a sense, which is very very low and cheesy imho.
  7. It makes me feel like i’m mimicking consulting, which is a crock of shit
  8. Coachign is a crock of shit (although much less so compared to psychology TRUE!)
  9. It’s not crisp and certain like science, phsyics, math, etc.
  10. It’s not my thang.
  11. I like precision, navigation, IRREVERSIBILITY, Completion, freedom, Math, health, classical music.   (current values).
The Ross Jeffries, persuasion and NLP and coaching stuff is not what I want. I took many of those to avoid being persuaded and brainwashed as pre-emtpive counter stuff to clarity.  What I Want is not the “methods of making peopel clear or unclear” but hte clarity itself and THAT is in trig, math, physics, botany, navigation.
Bollocks.  I am going a bit crazy because I don’t have a way to make money and I’ve constantly defined myself in a sense by how I “think” i could make money and thought I could with coaching because that’s something I’ve seen other people doing (shirnks, parents, consultantgs etc) But that is NOT what I want to do.  I want something PRECISE: aviation, math teacher, Soemthing like that is what I Want for career, profession.  I’ve lacked htat precision in life. computer science would be okay possibly.
I am FULLY at hte end of my rope because I don’t have a source of income.  This is preposterous.  Indispicably, indescribably preposterous.  I’m tired of trying to retreat into fantasy world to hide from that huge pink elephant inthe room. WHY THE FUCK have I not been able to make money?  I hate america and blame it.  there’s nothing else to do.  My current problems are defined by america.  Leaving this vile and disgusting country will undoubtedly create new problems, but at least they will be more likely solveable than this disgusting dead-end place.
I could be like “i wish I had more time to decide what to do wit hthis stuff,” but frankly, I dont’ want ot be in moratorium of iindecieoisan ny
I could get the new license plates things but then I’d still be in america. I HATE HATE HTE doing things,  I hate going out and dealing with americans, It doesnt’ really matter if living in hostels will be hard, living in america is IMPOSSIBLE because of the people here.  I must leave america (the only palce aceptable is east coast but that is unlikely
I just want life to be over. that’s what I feel frequently in america atleast. if I get an iphone that will sovle one problem but will produce more.  america is jsut a torrent of endless loops of hellish problems. I seriously can’t take this anymore I must abandon america.
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i don’t like being away from poeople all the time, but being with them I feel like it’s hobbeson choice of following their crowd nd sillusioned beliefs.
I ened a place to be LOUD.  that’s a goal
My voice sounds REALLY REALLY embarassing to hear. it sounds ridiculous, timid, stupid, FEARFUL, really lame.  Maybe might sound better now, but in 2005-6ish it sounded like shit.
making  music work seems very unlikley. challenging? it jsut is too much of a “fantasy” to be taken seriously.  past intereinsts with it
mick jagger
uk bands
precision
expression
good body shape
but being a failure as musician (*VERY likley 0would be massively embarassing and lame as
I think its’ this rock musci is sloppy.   Classical music is apex of brilliance
MATH IS EXCELLENT for problem-solving and htinking clearly true.
I like my intensity on the old videos but they’re talking about nothing, they lack substance and are ridiculous.
all that was Boguzs shit.  I wanted to do podcasts on Computers or Math or English something i’m interested in
English books are great bcs if taoiestoaiwjfdoaisfjdoifj if quiality like tolkien, it helps you escape the stupid world.
I Miss my dog.
I miss how he did tricks.
i miss how he kidn of “knew the routine” with the run at night.
I Do NOT miss
picking up the shit
the smells
having to lock the fridge
having to go out for walk everyday
These compassionate reservoir thigns are EMBARASSING they’re so cheesy.  Their content is VERY CHEESY.  and embarassing. I hate them.  IT would be GREAT if I applied my intelligent to explaining something that EXCITES ME.  MATH (esp rec math, trig).  retelling tolkien stories,     Computer science.   classical music.
The old Comp Res recordings lack substance, they’re ridiculous, they’re stupid, they go NOWHERE, they’re appealing to persuasion and crap.  My intelligence is WASTED doing crap things like that shit. stupid.
The discussion then was SUCH gibberish and retarded.  It weraks of politics and vile crap.  it’s somewhat cult-like it’s aweful
All the american Crap all he PROBLEMS with biotoxicfamparents and disgusting people it’s fouled this wrteched countyr. there’s no hope ther’es NO resources in america. america is purely toxic.  Imust get out of americ you must get out of america.
the psychiatryic SHIT
the BTP bad memories
the police abuse
teh physical abuse
America is a stained wretched country I MUST leave it!
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September 15, 2009 — 10:51 PM
September 15, 2009 — 10:51 PM
September 15, 2009 — 10:51 PM
September 15, 2009 — 10:51 PM
shredded a shirt and suit with knife,  did Stooopid epic cams.  said horde will die a lot on BG of jules verne.  Got REALLY drunk (Puked I think). Watched snippets of hackers…………um  ya wkf 3 times.  a bit crazy.  When woke-up had the wild-rocker? not spiritual not rocker like idk flowing hair something that had after the House of Blues and stripclub night.   What I like aabout califronia is that feels like it might bring out the flowing hair look thing but it’s too superficial and there’s other places in the world that bring out that look but are purer and cleaner and clearer.  yay.
I like richard feynman b/c he’s CLEAN and smart but also very alive with paties.  I hate jim morrison stuff even though looked a bit like hime iwth the flowing hair look them, because morrison was very sloppy and a waste.  i wonder if I’m supposed to connect with justin fox to discover more bout music?  I am afraid that my normal personaility (maybe wild flowing hair personality) sparks fear in men who in turn make my life more uncomfortable.  Yes, I think that is true.    The best solution is relationships with women (like the GREAT boobed one I met in calab b4 left) and no fearful ppl around.   I think my wildness scares people.  That wildness is part character and part me (part performance and part just the way I am.  I felt VERY twitch when I woke and In the center of my mind was sex and boobs and women bodies and i didn’t like that at all.  so I tried ot swish pattern to replace those with TRig and math.  In the center of my mind ws always some woman image and I didn’t like that I reckon.   I don’t like being obsessed with sex, I envisioned trig periodic functions and like and tr
and trust those.  SOOOO I still don’t know where to gobut I am feeling clear about this emerging “wild self” that was no doubt popping up during hacker watching 8th grade etc.  it’s only a pproble because it’s sooo cool. but I should be having sex with flowing hair mode but get stuffed up because of not trusting when I think chicks like me, the TRAP of california (and it is a trap. truly it jsut wants to make you feel like your getting somewhere in life and in the meantime, take your money)  kj
So this idea of wanting to  die comes from 1)that emergent flowing hair self that’s relaly cool….BUT  hhmmm is a thrat to most the stuffy american losers I guess.  idk.   maybe that person would thrive more in cheaper tropical place like costa?? meh idk if liked costa
what if that flowing hair dude mode is really me?  It only emerges when drinking, so not sure, or if it is really me, my nervousness constant basically is what makes me feel pain and anguish all the time.   I think I am beginning to get a sense of how a bad country like america really shapes your beliefs, ideas, concepts etc.  like the obsession with earning money I think is american-driven.  some parts of you cannot thrive in america, true.  When I woke up I had timeline envisioned the past decade or so of movement (moving to co springs to il flying to costa flying to london to co springs, etc) that stopped in the hellfire of claiforina.  ALSO when I awoke, my pupils were very non-dilated.  I like that and it’s rare on me.  I think I have a tendency to become to agape with the world and pupils dilate too much all the time.  The pupil constriction i think is associated with inner visualization and I attribute it as a sign of focus and thus a very good thing.  soooo…..question still remains of what to do.  I had a few of going to some other country and ending up as a bum loser which would be horrendous.  so i have these wild suit-shredding experiences and then there’s this VERY academic intelligent, intellectual person of me that strives for furthering his mind.  Maybe both those people have the same goals really.  the flowing hair and the academic knowledge-increasing all have the same goal of maximizing intelligence and mind.  maybe   flowing hair seems like fun mode or expression mode idk.
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threw stuff out. felt good.  feel VERY twitchy and some stupid neighbor american idiot bitch whined ” is there any way you could do that in the morning?” i responded, “possibly”. and then continued to bring out more garbage LAWL!! But more quietly hehe.  I HATE calab and especially malibu canyon apartmetn complex SOOOOm uch.  i hate it so much I feel i have been blinded by my hatred for it by my hatred for it!  I can’t function here.  I can’t do anything here  THESE are the people that make me want to die.  I hate it because peopel watch you at night.  They control yuo.  They are dead silent at night which is a bit scary.  They have useless pathetic lives.  Their stupidity makes me feel like my intelligence is on pause, which is a very bad thing.  and no one puts my intelligence on pause
Aus might be the place to be. maybe.
after going to the 7-11 store to get protien bar, drink, fruit, thre’s not much here in america that I like the tastes of NOR can eat. bleh….america is so fail.  Anywyas,  I realized how kind of twitchy and precise I am it’s nerdiness and it’s precision like engineering astronaut, constructing airplane design. Software engineer. TRIG expert THat kind of precion.  I becamse aware of the sludge of delusioins I endured from non mmo video games etc.  I feel smarter and more alert with all my things packed up and I like them packed up.  Makes me feel mobile and clearn MUCH more secure that way.  Best to be packed and mobilei n a dangerous, frigthtening bad place like america than not.  So I DO need a safe place.  The sprints at night are great.  Where would be a safe place??? hhmmm   aus may be a yuppy america, if so it’s partially safe now, but if it’s moving towards america it’s not moving in the right direction I hope not. it seems to be moving jsut kidn of everywhere with all the variety of traveler’s aus brings.  I dearly want to discuss my time there with Aussies b/c I enjoyed it so.
I felt safe on the nature trails.  that was a time of peace.  Man, I so greatly wish I could find people like the tolkien elves and such.  THAT is the way people should be.  THAT is the way that I like to be.  Very proper, good, formal. there was no technology then the enemy was defined and clear (unlike how it has been with me recently where it has been very obfuscated and bureid but now it is clear, teh enemy is malbue canyon people and californains true).
I was astonished at how formal and proper and clear-sounding I was the few words sadi the t clerk , “is there a total?” I think .    The eye contact avoiding it is saying I do not trust this person and making eye contact will aggravate me.  true.     So I think to myself that I may perceive myself how others perceive me. Like I sounded intelligent and clear nad proper and sharp and clear in voice and thought to the clerk and I percieved that.  I think the more grounded and hearty i get in body, the better i’ll be able to differentiate 1)how I evaluate myself, 2)how people evaluate me.
I almost always treated how people evaluated me as truth. but that is not true.
I LIKE the proper, nerdy, precise guy.  THat is me.
what is this morrison crap?  that’s the demon, the bjorn thing the not the “darkside duality” it’s just a sloppy side of me, yes.
the chemistyr, Math, Trig side of me can be proper and very advanced and clear and flowing hair too. f lowing hair does not mean disgusting women, foul drinking, debauchery, etc
HUGE Realization TRusim. I AM VERY VERY VERY repulsed, sick, anddisgusted by reading one-person views.  subjective views to things.  I DEARLY miss the GREAT days where my mind could SAFELY pour ove my biology textbook and chemistry textbook and math textbook problems and know that I was learning non-debatable, tested, universal truths.  I LOVED that.  that made me feel secure and happy and focused and proper.
I relaizeD I had been starving myself the past 4-5 years. seriously.  I did so out of pain. I was disconnected from science and the intelligent people that are true in life so i starved myself because I felt intellectually starved as it was.
but feeding and nourishign body creates some great changes. jolly good.
I DEleted ALL timb ezra emails yesterday that was BRILLIANT.  I just do things when drunk I have less “reluctance” and doubt and consdierinag and reconsiering if I’ll need htem or not etc.
How can I study math, comp sci, physic chem bio on a regular basis in a structure format that’s fun and good and pleasant?
I feel VERY pleasant and clear and aligned right now.  Very light and clear from running, the redbull the writing the tolkien, the connection with brtiain.
I read a bit of dawkisn EXCELLENT.
I GREATLY LIKED
Soooooo….   what I love about tolkien is that hte companies has an adventure and then has a period of rest and recuperation and storytelling and sharing what happened with trustworthy good people.  I miss that in life   and cannot believe how much time I wasted trying to talk with biotoxicfamparents.
I FEEL VERY LONELY.    it’s hard to focus on books.  I don’t like being in a state of “about to move”.  I don’t like having about 2 hours a day only window when I can safely go outside.  I hate being afraid of going outside.  I hate california.  i hate how weird and how it’s like a haze and your life goes on pause when you’re in califonria.  It’s something like the trek to rivendell with lifeless ladns.  it’s so dirty and foul so i have pain here and am moving away from that and now I need to focus on what I am moving toward. Hhhmmm what will that be? brazil? south america maybe?? idk.  I like palin  becasue he’s clear nice very polite but traveler spirit or something I guess.
All of my problems are financial.  I pictured for a bit if I had 100,000 and I realized many of my anxieties would be dissolved.  True, i would still have many anxieties and fears from people.
I undoubtedly feel like people make my life hell. I spend 90% of my time hdiing from people avoiding people because they make me so angry.  there are very few people that I value and trust.
Was Hunters and Co just a waste of time?  I have soooo many mixed emotions with that.
I guess competition within it.  also wanting to get gear and realizing the guild will never help with gear. it’s all social and the hosfae thing how I kond of liked her but realized she was a trickester
my anger towards women and men
gawd.
my wanting to be a classical music conductor or musician.
the flowing hair self. where does that fit in?
how I am annoyed by wow and also addicted to it and also kind of really like it.
so many problems and I want and need them solved.
I need to talk to someone about this but the problem with that is that I don’t trust any coaches nor psychologists! I dont’ trust other people’s advice really.  Dawkins I could ask him for advice.
Idk.
I HATE being a slave to my sex drive.  I hate how I dont’ feel like I have contorl over that.
wow my neck is REALLY tight and feel in a lot of pain.
After going to the 7-11 store to get
BY JOVE!! FAscintaing I LOVE Reading Selfish-Gene. INCREDIBLE!! YEs.  atheism wash te path to annihiatlign the illusions so I can have my mind cheris hteh splendid joys of science, math, and truths. YES!! AWESOME!! I feel like I do not want to die anymore. yes excellent.  This is fascinating and good. GREAT!!! 😀
female preying mantises actually eat the head of hte male DURING intercourse because she gets hungry!
Blackheaded gulls will eat a nearby blacheaded gull chick just because it’s like “Fast food” easier than catching a fish and they dont’ have to leave the nest.
Emperor penguins will sometimes push each other in the pools to test for seals.
all those examples the biological organisms cannabilize and act in very selfish ways.
hhmm
definition of altruism.  Altruism is something that increases your chance to die, while increases a member of your species’ chance to survive.
I no longer want ot be altruistic to americans.  I want to be selifh. nice.
I want ot LEARN these (mabye teach some)
TRIGonometry
Geomoetry
Math in general
Evolutinoary Biology
Temporarily british fiction
Physics
Astronomy
Japanese
Electromagnetism
mabye comp sci.OK
What age level?  I have no idea.  But this is the first time in LONG time that I can truly foresee good thigns in my future.
Wow. that would be terrific!  But then again I may simply want to just LEARN those things more hhmm yes defintely atleast that.
I feel INCREDIBLY empowered knowing that I AM NOT a rockmusciain, nor some business money freak loser, nor a performer.  I watched crap of that and could not realte to them i love the the science ppl! yas! excellent.


Road to Reality

Selifhs Gene
Life BIO

yes!! THE joy of reading textbooks is you don’t have to finish te book! The joy of reading it is NOT “getting through the book, getting over it” which is many times the joy of many of hte subjective false books I’ve read in teh past.  GREAT~!!

I love sprints because it’s EFFICIENT, not sloppy like long-distance and very fast-paced and makes u alert.

I LOVE reading about how the earth revolves and works and spins and how that creates celestrial star constellation rotations I must understand that better.  also lunar calendars.  The moon is new when it’s between the sun and earth?

I am taking GREAT joy in the company of these scientific minds redaing them savoring these truths. it is enligtheing and liberating . I lvoe science!!!!!!! I

Random but VERY cool factoid: “ For example, the lily (which produces beautiful flowers each spring, but produces fewer proteins than a human does) has 18 times more DNA than a human.”



I may very much may want to get a teaching degree.  HEY!!!!!!! Then I could teach quite easily in almost any school.  OMG!!! That’s brilliant!  I’d love that!!! I really think I’d sincerely love that.  I would have a job!! I wouldn’t be some stupid biz nor larwyer nor money freak. I coudl contineu TRUTH studies of science and math and SHARE those and thus learn it better and help others elvevate their consciousnes by learnign science too WOW YA!!!!!!!

I might love to teach trig and biology.

Definitely NOT any humaniteis save maybe british fiction.  NO history, no engislh no social studies, no psychology,

The only acceptiable things I’d want to teache ar

okay computers coudl be VERY cool if used to program Mars rovers and NASA code stuff wow cool.
TRIG

I

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