Rampant Polemic


Thursday Night, Karaoke, December 16, 2010
December 23, 2010, 1:46 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Thursday Night, Karaoke, December 16, 2010

Prep:
Had coffee, did auto-eroticism recording, had orange and bagel
SPRINTED fullerton to barry northbound with heavy shoes, listening ot australia talks on the teacher one. Good.  
Clothing: Blue tie, white shirt, grey paul frederick (Awesome) vest, contacts, short hair cut (SWEET), quicksilver cargos, boots
Drinks:
Gin and Tonic
Pitcher of Beer
Shot of Jameson
Flask
Then TONS of J&B at “emily’s place”

Places Went

Firar Tuck
Yakzees
Em/Emily’s place?

People Met
Friar Tuck
Cameron
Dana
Johnny
Met two blonde sisters
Yakzee’s
steve draeger like person
Woody
brittany
backwards cap dude
two european women (one from spain)
guy who kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him back
Soccer play EMMA(name?) torn meniscus went back to her place AWESOME!!! xD  

Successes
employing mirroing when talking with Dana
MEETING Emma and gooing to her place! SWEET!!
Singing allstar, how u remind me, and under pressure!
sprint running before.  SWEET nice.
being in clear, energized, happy times MODE last ⅓ of friar and yakzees and at emma’s place! SWEET!

Friar Tuck

Songs Sang:
Smash Mouth – All Star (VERY hard)
Nickelback – How you remind me (medium challenging)
David Bowie — Under Pressure (EASY FUN GREAT Excellent jolly good song)!

Most thing speople say about me (well many things) are about them.  Johnny who works and friar commented on how what I was saying was kind of philosophical then he talked about philosophical stuff. Interesting!! haha.

I lov ewearing vest, tie, etc.  Those are peacocking but not silly idiotic it looks good, stands out. sweet.

Huge realization. The side of the bar I was on (south side) is like dating, relationship side, not my side! The other side, where I saw someone who looked like Jeremy Soul and the old version of garritt cullerton.  thus the northside of the bar with the fire is AWESOME haha!  damnit I loved that vest!  At first I thought those PUA look-alikes were monitoring me which was annoying/odd but I just realized that side of the bar I liked more and Kate was the one who went to that other side of the bar first HAha interesting!

Yakzee’s

Key thing.  When I arrived, some JD pimple-faced dolt bought myself, Dana, and some random other person a drink

At Yakzee’s I was REALLy stoked and psyched to see woody, some backwards cap dude was with someone who looked like kate and yeah did some kind of trance by saying how about I switch places with you, oh and you were sitting down (because he was sitting down where he was so then I sit down and the effect was he was then sitting next to this woman person lawl.

Lol at yakzees it was almsot like I was winging with dana, talking about how she has brains and body.  One thing about yakzees I dont’ like is that it’s pretty NOT-like-berlin.  people standing around drinking chatting, instead of intense party.  Anyways

Emma?  Emily?

What I know
Deep Voice (very deep)
curly shoulder length dark brown-black hair
Funny woven hat
Likes Mia Hamm (soccer woman)
plays soccer
tore her left Meniscus (knee)
Nice skin, A-B boobs

She coudl be the ULTIMATE Friend + Sexual benefits and it would actually work!

I could have played soccer with her!! That would have bene so fun and amazing.  Playing soccer with a GOOD soccer player chick. OMG OMG OMG OMG that bloody would have rocked!! I hope I see her again some how bollocks. I really do.  I really liked her a LOT.

Her Apartment

Has huge electronic keyboard
has TWO AWESOME CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
black white-striped bong

Why did I book it out of there without exchanging contact info?
IDIOT
Did something happen? Embarassing? (like barf?)
I left my vest, my tie, and my glasses case there!  Bollocks!

I LOVED her apartment!  I would love to be roommates with her!! She’s older mature, stable, already with keyboard and TWO cats I LOVE cats OMG!!  OMG!! If only I oculd remember where we went, that or bumping into them again at yakzees or her friend (whom did cheek kiss with).  Plus I’d like to see em/emily? again.  Plus, I want her side of the story of what happened.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE cats!!!!!  They’re so precisely, intricate, well-put-together, agile, adroit silky smooth creatures and awesome!!

I don’t remember much of the evening at her place

I remember doing a bong hit, stopping by parents place to get vino and J&B.

I also remember massaging her legs and removing her pants.  
I think I remmeber seeing a condom on my dick and I definitely remember seeing her nipples.  I know I had insertion-sex, I know I didn’t ejaculate.  

So then I ran around stumbling like mad because so drunk, and caught a cab, and back at 428 things were hellish.  I ordered thai food. Saw mom and started bawling, instantly crying nonstop about pressure to get married.  HAHA I don’t think i was that distraught about it. I think I did that as advanced coaching completely related to ssk and how she prob felt pressure to marryand her marriage choice and the disconrdance between mom and dad which I’ve picked up on many many times.

BOLLOCKS how can I remember where her palce is?

I remember there was a zig-zagged wooden staircase, I remember the interior of her apartment so well.

I feel out of touch with relaity in 428 basement because my parents are so out of touch prob. nice.

Not having a car is SOOO excellent! Get lifts, it’s the best. allows me to put time intoexercise, health. sweetness!

Highlights of the Evening

At the end of Friar Tuck I had evolved up and ontop of the distraught nervousness and was in freakishly intense energy, giddy, laughing great mode.
I talked with old guy (who looked like garrit cullerton 20 years older) and joked “live inside the character”, connoting TB and WoW and proper singing character fun mode. He was trying to guess where I was from.

I didn’t tell anyone where I was from EXCELLENT because I’m NOT from any place specific.  I’m international!!! SWEET!!

i know that the basement is an office and someone like that soccer player woman would be an ideal awesome roommate!  

Notes, Reflections and Ideas

It would be nice to proper move in and stay with a different woman (like spend the night) say 2-3 nights per week.  Planned, sleep over with massage and sex so awesome HAHA GREAT!

The people I hook up with emerge out of nowhere at the end of the night.

Another reason why I like older women:

  • They know what they’re doing in life, aren’t stressed about it.
  • They don’t act like whiny people like do I trust him?  
  • They’re confident, less timid, more sure of themselves and therefore more stable and less of a headache.
  • Most younger women have something psychologically theyre working on or compensating for (insecurities) or some complication like that.
  • I LOVE older women!
  • There’s Less awkwardness!! Young women are shy or more timid or not relaxed.  
  • Being with an older woman seems like being ion a stable cruise boat and a younger woman like a wobbly dinghy?  hehe maybe in part.
  • Friend + Sexual benefits ACTUALLy will work with older women because the older woman would prob look at me as an energetic boytoy (fine with me ) so the relationships would be some mucky confusing possessive emotional relationship just friends and sexual stuff. SIMPLE!
  • SIMPLE!

Cheek kissing that dude after he cheek-kissed me I think showed confidence and comfort and it undoubtedly helped me connect with emma. SWEET.

if i get with a woman, I want to be having hot sweaty sex for AT LEAST one hour 60 minutes, idelaly more than two hours, 120 hours.  Like with erica alvarez it was about 180 minutes tons of positiosn and most importantly ON THE CARPET that’s huge and key and MUCH easier for me.  TRUE!!!  beds are squishy wobbly and sex should be a great fun intimate passionate workout.  

I would have LOVED to room with Emma/emily!! I doubt she’d be into that, but at the very least spending nights at her place would be awesome.

At Yakzee’s I LOVED how I didn’t go into jealousy mode!  I was energized, charged, taklative liking people.  I spoke emphatically about non drugs with a a steve draeger -like person.  Doing the SPRINTS is vital and huge.  I LOVE that. that’s like way better than cig HAHA and refreshing, cools me off.  Ahhh the brisk chill is EXQUISITE, incredibly awesome.

it was so weird how natural it felt around Emma she didn’t have any claustrophic baggage.
Rememberhing things We said might help me remember where she lived or other info.

Also visualizing the cab ride.  Cab I think I remember hitting clark street? which means if so she would be weat of clark?  the cab driver said “i’l take a shortcut” hhmm which I didn’t remember where we went.
like same cab driver from night before haha helpful like chauffeur knigth rider buddy.
he said “you ahve the dirnks”

I wish /i had been more observant.
if i had her contact info or location of her place problem would be solved.

hhmmmm.  
I said you could be a yoga instructor.  you could be in your teens or 50; they conceal their age.  GREAT LINE.

The biggest realization is I’m in my best zone when excited, enthusiastic, and itnerested in peopel (especially after karaoke!) AND I don’t get jealous.  VERY zen wu wei sweetness.  But when I’m in good social uplifting zone, I am natural.  And I say the “best lines”  SWEET!.

I felt like I trusted emma. sweet. true c’est vrai!

Also, I have distinct awareness of being in that accelerated, whitenesssss (

Cameron called his karaoke name “negro supreme” lol he joked I should have my name be Whitenesssssssss with tons of s’s LOL.  He’s cool.  That guys awesome.

I LOVE

Like Dana was qualifying herself to me the whole night (patrick stewart picture, leg-flip, AWESOME dance move!!!!, saying she’s pretty awesome).

I felt like two people or a different person.  Like when I ordered the Thai food.  I normally would have queued up an order waited and wondered for an hour but I just DID stuff AWESOME and I put an emphatic note on the delivery instructions.  I wasn’t al worried about what people would think and was very detail focused and unashamed about being detail focused!!

428 W Roslyn Pl
Chicago, IL 60614
773 991-6391
Special Instructions
THE PROPER ADDRESS IS THE METAL GATE not the tohe stairway up to 428. To the left of the stairway you’ll see a stairway going down anda metal gate. Go through the metal gate. Knock on the door. As strange as iti sounds that’s place!!!                                                                               

Insights into being “more myself”  I was myself in accelerated, charged, social, electric dynamic, frickin’ awesome amazing mode on thrus night last ⅓ of friar and during yakzees during sprint.  

I need to find work.

How can you f-close but NOT number close?!! lol jeepers.  I LOVED her cat’s too and her even-keelness and her skinny body but hevavy sturdy stableish her apartment was FANTASTIC too!

Best solution ever, she brings them to yakzees with her contact info and I pick them up there!

Things I want to work on:
Being more assertive, aggressive in the bed.  I am loving, sensual, passionate, but yeah….I want to work more on being sensual connected.

Also huge realiation sex is something I have to massively BUILD up toward and it’s a LOT of intense work to have that experience. it’s NOT easy simple casual, but it’s fun and uplifting because giving and sensual experience etc.

Was SOOOOOO charged at yakzees.  had zero inhibitions wasn’t showing off was actually doing matchmaker mode which I LIKED haha brilliant!   I did a TOTAL derren brown swap places with that cap dude, just because looked like good situation haha.  jsut spoke mind in a GOOD quality way. SWEET!

OMG Emma’s apartment was sooo exquisitely sized, with cats AMAZING!!! I LIKED and her so much I want ot see her again.  she’s so calm, mellow, relaxed, simpe, not excessively girly, she played soccer bloody hell amazing!!

Cried effusively to mom about presure to get maried (I think I was making this up and was upset about being in chicago AND not getting emma’s contact info.  WHY did I leave so abruptly withoutconneciton. I was afraid of having ejaculation.

I worry about bed performance and am always “nice and smooth” but I want to be rough and comfortable being rough.

Have become attuned to how some things have positive or negative impact
impact of…

watch/no watch!!
high-tech iphone or NO phone!!

sweetness

Like I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be like animal-mode cave-man.

I’m GREAT at “love-making”.  Wild aggressive intense sex I have difficulty implementing like telling the woman what to do…etc.  I like being directed with sex unless I know what I’m doing specifically and then I like being assertive.  

I KNOW and understand that I idislike having sex and having the woman thinking “wow this guy is lame” that’s one of the worst feelings in the world.  imho.

I gotta stop living at bioparents house HONESTLY it’s demenotr draining hell-city!
I think another thing that happens is I have so much performance anxiety I sometimes can’t get erection, but if I could be rough I could always get an erection hhmm..

And what about this “man” man stuff like just pounding ramming sex NOT love making.  have I ever done that?  Yeah with Vanessa.  haha that was awesome.  

Obstacles to intense ramming sex.
fear of violating person. fear of treating body like object in a way that’s degrading or not what htey want.  selfish? nah. tehcnically it coudl be giving and pleasurable and way better in some ways!

i basically have naughty odd rough urges that I always quell in sex even when I’m being particulary aggressive/assertive.

I wish the woman had a meter communicaitng how much she was liking something etc.

HUGE REALIZATION
People like seeing me.  People like me.  I want to devise a way to use that . People pay via purchasing  a ticket to see some people (performers) and then those people make their living by structuring an interface where they earn money by being “seen” basically.  THAT THAT THAT is awesome and good and I guess the financial defintiely of a perfomrner hhmm.

I feel EXCELLENT in life.
Kate gf on backburner consisetnt love affection going on tap.
Then occasionally meeting OLDER woman AWESOME

Emma was nice because she never belittled me.  SHE WAS GREAT!  I like emma!
she looked like alanis morisette!

What happened is fucking PAT sabotages things. BLOODY HELL.  I can’t believe that bollocks!! I really would like to I get that vest back AND see emma again AND play soccer with her and

I’m so stoked met her. that rocked!  

I’ve got to not sink and stay focused sweet.

No longer feel being with bioparents is safe.

I am having such a troubled time remembering where that woman lives because she was 38!! In such an advanced state, an older mode, and now living in parent’s basement it’s like non-successful younger mode.  But when I was with her I was in highschool lol highly success state.

how can I remembmer
auditory clang of bottles in car.  
I think her at clark/broadway which way is north.
why didn’t I even get her street name?  
Why did I leave so quickly?
did something happen?
did I barf?
What the fuck??!!!

I don’t want whatever might hva ehappened ot embarass/hinder me. kk

watching porn is really destructive and bad because it distances me from the goal of having friend + sexual relationship with women.

What if I’m acting…what if a lot of what I’m doing is acting. like doing things energ stuff, and being in down mode isn’t depresed just not high-energy character, jsut not not acting.

helpful seeing people out of charace.

another reason why porn-watching is bad is sex should be and IS playful bodies touching massaging licking.  porn turn it insto somethign bleh

There’s a lot of women with whom to experience sex especially FOREIGN european women. interesting. want ot have no performance anxiety and minimze that and maximize tons of fun good things to try. GREAT!! kate amazing teacher haha sweet.

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