Rampant Polemic


Thought of turning baement into porn dungeon or bar
November 15, 2011, 10:14 am
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,
Thought of turning baement into porn dungeon or bar

ABout as bad as I could be without being destructive or illegal.  was fed up with shit and thought hey I could wank or make food and then do posts and I decided JOYFULLY to do the latter.

This led to me realizing how mcuh I fucking LOVE the basement.  LOVE it. it's cool. secret. like a man cave. same color. no squeaky floors. hidden it's rad. like a hidden volume. one of best sleeps of life in a long time last night there too.

thought of how this house is like the broken fight club house sorta.

thought of fukcing that skinny chick.

Thougth of how I have abad said (not drugs destructig fail shit) that thinks of things like turning basement into porn dungeon or bar to EARN only to eanr obvis and secretive.

reading orwell helps.

Validate Your Life is SUCH A FRONT!! It's a fucking front to conceal my bad side.  must share more on OMSS. that helps.

best of all. WATCHING my vids helps sweet true!!!

I like the basement.  feel so much better after cooking food and doing shit omfg. good qual!

now will do the stupid "front" recordings.

but how I actually earn MUST be fucking  or bar that I host I thought of Geek bar!  I have a bad side (verne) that's not getting satisified.  once verne is doing all these bad thigns THEN THEN THEN.........."front" phil can interact with people witout anger.

what happens now is verne is like "is it time for me yet? yet? now? huh?" mor eand more and my front phil pushes him down.  he needs an outlet. had a bit with cats strangel.  but best outslet might be fucking? or rogue or whatever. idk.  whate outelt is must be legal. good.

maybe this should be on rampant. 

-----


I HATE porn though I LIKE math!!!! fuck.


I HATE porn though I LIKE math!!!! fuck.


2011.11.14
November 14, 2011, 10:12 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
2011.11.12


I liked califonrication that was a decent show b/c 

smart protagonsit
good career
intersing babes
seemed interesting





what am I feeling, I get so depressed during the day.  I thought it was peaceful seeing the sunrise and now I feel burdened and annoyed and vexed.  It is kind of nice not having to talk and to write.  I like this .  this is qual. just can't seem to strike up vein of writing etc.  hhmm .  Two twoers was NOT about me.  I was not frank keensly.  I AM however phil and verne true.
lw
I liked watching shows buttehy  almost always led to crap discombobutlaging stuff.  maybe watch californiacation.





under what conditiosn would I NOT squeeze auda.

If someone would see me.
Maybe if I wsa incredibly happy and overjoyed.
Maybe if I fed her an extremely small amount and she was frail and starving.



i need to be in ubuntu. windows really SUCKS.  I can't get things done int it and dont' like it. tRUE.  I like ubuntu a lot.

oww I feel really achy.  REALLY ahcy dang.  

I feel prett y depressed actually. REALLy depressed dang.  

can't ever go outside. 


so i'm acucastoi uaboiut wathcign stuff. etc.


-----------
2011.11.14

okay I REALLY really am having douts about installing this is vexingand annoying.  my thougts


go all windows and only use ubuntu on netbook?  interesting but would have tons of empty space then which might be okay

I liked using hte dell just for word processing writing. if I have everything on it my brian explodes b/c it's not fast enough for tha.  thoughtou abotu just windows  word processing (wordpad NOT highend grpahics processors) and like sims or something.

I fear if I do the SEVEN partitions it will be overkill and too much stuff going on?  idk

but the nagain would make more usafeful or sometoith



love this keyboard! (approx. date)
November 3, 2011, 10:12 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
love this keyboard! (approx. date)

Just randomly writing.  I love thiws keyboard but my lifre is HELL.  I can’t watch films because then distraction and then waste life shit.  I’m afraid of conneting with anying  I ‘ma evenr afraid of getting food because of fear of that being distracting and discomboboulating.  So I’m not eating much at all.  I can’t seem to make progress in anything.  I was going to reinstall windows in dell but then saw snatch deved in drive and watching some of that, that’s like not following through with plan decided upon.  True.  It’s allowing externals to direct internals.  I dislike that.

I follow through in grocery YES.  Good etc.  I eat food and then feel uncomfortable.  I get bored and then don’t eat food.      I love this keyboard though  phew it reocks I can type quickly on it!

I LOVE this keyboard!! It’s so comfortable and great clickyness and I can fly with typing on it.  Especially at standing desk.  It’s clear and smooth and it rocks.  I LOVE the sidewinder x4.  I did SOOO much keyboard research and this rocks!! It is backlit perfect clickiness. Great angle great built-in wrist rest.  Great colour.  IT IS Sooooo comfortable nad loaded with special stuff (I don’t use the macro keys much at all ) it’s plug and play but basically it’s the clickness that makes it incredible.  SOOOOOOO smooth and fast and no anti-ghosting. It’s marvelous.  Words and typing totally flies.  I thought I liked laptop keyboards, but this is my fave by far.  I love this sidewinder x4.  I am WAY more productive with it too!  RAD!

Cool awesome plannign what you want to communicate on splash screen
and then how to do it like
version
app name
visually appealing that's WHAT
and this is how sweet

maybe reading NLP a bit helped galvanize state of clarity but NLP is a means;
math and classical music and chess and computer sicence are what I want to
be doing!

OMFG I NEED to be using this awesome standing desk height + AWESOME keyboard + HUGE monitor WAHOO! 

And fecalmatter barf out crap wkf rubbish.  

Good codign reading!!

Thought about reading chapter at time with java in like 1999 and how it might be good to read all at once or something I LVOE code wahoo!

I also said hate brad pitt and I DO.  It’s rubbish!  Slop crap.  I love codewahoo! Maybe because similar to me in way and like couldn’t been like that but I’m HAPPILY NOT!! Or like variation of what ocudl have done but then gross sickly blegh ppl eww.  I love cats, code ,computers, classical music, chess ftw ahaha SWET!!  Should I abandon ALL computer games??

I really dislike the macbook.  I hate typing on it. It’	`111111111`,.klio9999999999999s rubbish. HEY what if I hooked it up to monitor and keyboard?  DANG this is where my usbe was mounted to!! 

The usb HUB.  Ahhhh this standing desk is marvelous I REALLy likje this it rocks!!!!

It is proper height.electrifyingly compatible (don’t want to say comfortable). PRODUCTIVT efficient fast fun, zippy.]

Might try game a bit.

I still dislike touching mac.  Iremember how infuriated I was this morning I am strongly considering selling mac rubbish idk.  I JUST HATE THE DAY. It feels like an attack.

I wonder if I had no concept of time and saw no light and sound outside if I’d still feel “drained during the day”.  I WRITE so fast aon this speedy happy aligned totally congruent compatible keyboard!!!!

2011/11/04
a lot of work processing old rl dvds rubbish I still reckon I would like to Elim ALL of them BY FAr.  digital data ftw.  some are good but can pirate or handbrake.  I hate vacillating between (good voice, acting radio!) and then coding awesome must make android app etc popp I LOVE my sidewinder keyboard I dont' like typing on other keyboards.  I also got ANGRY seeing G9 Archos tablet because I can't afford that and wouldn't know which to get etc.  I DO want SOME kind of tablet most certianly read about resistive nad capactititaiv too.   I was sort of productive with recrodign stuff up in attic TRUE, but then I think it's more like home and should have gone into basement to study chess and android dev and do more coding work.      thought of stra and seren too hhm mwill hop in linux.  android is so like linux sweet!

Need to photo rest of DVD little pamphlet things then rip up and discard those.  Would like to get most all dvds DIGTIAL not on actual dvd too. Although some might  be okay but not really.  It’s still annoying swapping in actual devds even it’s something awesome like bbc life but don’t’ even have those! Dang I miss typing on my sidewinder x4.  I sooo picked out an incredible keyboard for that wahoo!!

Also realized with laptop or tablet! Can hook up sidewinder and crank out massive typing jour or book! SWEETNESS!!

I just got furious but I feel safe from the DVDs now.  I also have this profound clarity with code and moath and minimalism.  I said to toxic biof that they had too many houses.  I EXPERTLY coached them Too much (of my life wasted on coaching them).  I remember seeing how scattered timboj was in pikes peak rubbish thing and well…just slept nad relaxed. Dang. And saw that that was related to buyuing all this stuff to bury emotional problems. 

But I don’t’ care about that because they brought pain etc.  TRUE.

An argument I’m getting rid of stuff to escape emotional problems is invalid because I’m slowly getting rid of thigns and journal and am MASSIVELY on top of and aware of my emotional problems . I collected things to conceal things TRUE c’est vrai.

So I mustn’t drift back into coaching.  Coding is clear and free, but I realize with minimilz I can SEE how things are put together. I told them that a million times and they never changed.  If I see how a person is broke nand then they don’t change to “fix” themselves when I tell them how.  That’s infuriating.  It’s like a computer with no keyboard.

So I hate coaching rubbish and I fear effect of typing in attic or downeastoaiewtrioad j on actuall keybarod I like g

Okay.  So It’s annoying I can’t even envision top hardware situation.  What’s interesting is that I 

Yhou make progress by focusing in life.I studied ensemble etc. rubbish I need to focus on android more et.

I can’t envision gear situation (tablet in small attaché) laptop?  One rig main?  It would be good if could envision that wiping away everyt

I KNOW I LOVE netbook for reading at sleep. THAT ROCKS.  

I KNOW I love sidewinder x4 as fave keyboard.  

I REALLY like the sound of tablet wahhooo if they were free I would def get one wouldn’t know if would get 10 or 80 prob def the 250 one which is awesome yah!! Or 70 was original hhmm 

Realizing all my reading in youth was what I LIKED and it was tools I need for android dev!

Web design (selling, company id location etc)
Photoshop (making images for android dev!)
Other stuff.

2001 was like shit I HATED. Religion. Actual religion fail!! That was depressing rubbish dang.
In contrast
Code in youth was good great fun clear.  Could envision in mind. Awesome.

So coaching is rubbish.  I learned it to helpme a nd focus on and succeed reckon.  Might “earn” from it but meh.

Also thought of tdk rubbish crap beating person up male machismo failness RUBBISH. 

My back really hurts.

I fear my back is fucked up and my mind isn’t comfortable focusing on one thing for too long.  That is like opposite of Holmes.  And I need to focus (most likely on android dev) for career.

I REALLy like big monitor prob should have stayed in basemenet and not even gone to attic true.

Okay
2011 11 04
Fed cats prepared food.
  After talking to them about getting good gear.

Am in attic on GREAT keyboard I LOVE 

I don’t think I want all these crap laptops . I got dell to ELIMINATE mac.  INDEED.  I like/ love netbook for reading before sleep. AWESOME!

I may get food tomorrow although it’s not particularly necessary.  I wish I was in some place elegant.  AMERICA seems to be a dismal, swampy hell hole with flustered putrid infected zombie gross people. TRUE.  Chicago people are hellish and manipulative nad financially exploitative.  Michigan they’re kind of gross I don’t like saying that.

Thoughts being in attic caused me to be less clear during day. Slept in abominable room again.  Journal is a bit scattered I hate recording things in all these little different places I NEED ONE honking MAIN monitor and setup (could be with laptop but maybe prob rig).

Considering 1280, monitor, small cheap droid? No doz seems like a great investment.  Very cost effective etc.

Okay this is kind of okay.  The PSU says return to service thing and thought of random places (aus, Chicago, Britain, three oaks, niles?) and that’s all rubbish.  I need to afford a place of my own.  I DESERVE That.  I can afford places in Michigan if I earn.  And what that means is returning it back if it doesn’t’ turn on and it doesn’t turn on now I have to call tom’s hardware forum rubbish. 

 Basement is better attic sucks.  I don’t like attic. 

This is liberating.  I do not have time for video games.  My boos, my android apps, my minimalism, my body health, my book reading, and mor eI can keep a few simple games but they are SOO out of place from be the cat vet, thray, popp, nlpftw, two blogs, podcasts, scheduling blogs and podcasts, heatlh, reading great stuff, video editing, OS tinkering, journaling, meditating, and other awesome stuff.  I never want a console. EVER.  The walkthroughs and the time put into getting through a level or whatever is ridiculous.

Therefore I want to sell the macbook.  I installed TONS of games on it and I really don't care ab out wiping them all off. I'd like to get limbo data of macbook and then that's it.  No more. The games are unrewarding.  They are no longer immersive.  It would be nice if they were but they arne't and that's prob for the best because I can't earn with games. TRUE.  They've wasted money and I don't like the damn walkthroughs and they aren't fun.  I will get more done without them and I they put on pause all my proejcts and its fun moving forward with rpoject.s INDEED

chess is a GREAT.  I would feel productive playing chess all do (massively prodcutive).  I am selling the macbook.  I swished in 10 times it in a box ready to sell. I have been reading about cats. GREAT fun reading qual.  Games just are so anomolaous to my life and work and reading and everything.  

When cats stretch their bellies out infront of you they are saying they trust you.  Auoda did that FIRST time I saw her!! Also she meows at me when I look at her something that cats do when they like or know you well.  Ifeel like auoda is my long-lost cat!!! I do she acts like she knows me well it's like she lived with me and knew and knows me and came back.  She said she trusted me with that back arch and meows and whatnot. TRUE.  Hhm..  passeparotu I lvoe because of cutness but pasepoarut doesnt' mark likethat interesitn!

They're both awesome in different ways.  Auodo displays TONS Of trust signs even from when I first met her and on that deck she arched back immediatley true!

Audo has also NEVER bit me.
HUGE signs that auoda trusts me and knows me (she feels like long-lsot cat)!!

arch back first time saw her on deck second time whatever

mewos when looks at me. When I make eye contact indeed.
S
coial and nice.

I want to turn off comments.  YES.  Turn off comments on my sites.  GOOD.

Great.  COMPLETED the sell page for macbook.  Only steps left to sell it are fill in 1-2 details (neoprene case brand etc) photo the red light, everything (dvds comp, cases), and close up etc) and post it!

Prob is when writing it thought about using it for games on stomach bollocks!

That said HUGE breakthrough.  I don't want to be in this hosue so being in “less” of the house is liberating.  NOT using attic, abominable, nor fanroom is brilliant I feel happier already wahoo!!!! true c'est vrai.  I feel more in contorl.  I want to be inside in office but not here so being in LESS of the house is mathematically getting more of what I WANT TRUE I do truly feel better. Slept in dance dojo room.  I move forward with stuff this way.  Emailed jeff zheng and nelson in here too!

So I thought about keeping the macbook for horizontal game (NOT sex reference) but I still don't think have time for that. Can do tons of work on tnetbook and then the dell is like great relatively and then reig will be infiiteiae more ram and faster biggers owsbetetre aesaomwe

OMFG
bid on moto droid
AND norelco for 110?? Has to be freakish odd.  Anyways. I realized I was focused NONSTAOP on the monitor yesterday and today I wake up and bid on droid and razor!! It's like I focus on one hUGE thing and other slightly less huge but still big things occur!  I finished (still need to add serial numbers) macbook sell page too wahoo!!! I had dobuts thinking should use that for game bollocks.  Will complete the sell page reckon though.  Damnit fear of being angry using it for games. Have been on netbook entire time. Today thus far. Feels great.

I do like gaming horizontal NOT sex reference!

Likely will order no doz.  I also did charity all for this month
fsf
hole in wall gang
nature
SWEET.  Feel good about that.
Tons of ebay bids dang.  Feel scared buying stuff but am looking into amazon affiiliate SWEET! Wahoo!
OMG I could do apex productivitiy items with links toamazon as affiliate OH that's an awesome idea!

See there's big consequences to NOT using macbook for gaming (in addition to selling it more finaciial freedom)

if I sell it I have to plan in advance what NOT to use it for

I AM HAPPY HAPPY restricting house usgae.  LOVE blocking off attic, abomianbel and fanroom!!

I may record in kitchentte and may put table there? Hhmm bollocks.
 Ilike that empty blocking off parts of house is GREAT AND GRAND and makes me happier because I want “less of this” and that gets it!! and it's miniasmlasi sweet.

So what if I kept macbook I'd game...high graphics games on it like what? Darksiders hl? L4d? Meh idk rubb prob can do most on rig o0 r liasdtpsdtosdaitjwdasoijsdojwdogfw dell laptwo.

Realized asphyxiation resutls in EXTREME anxiety for cats.  That's what I feel a LOT of the time so seeing that makes me identify with that emotion in the cat! And identify it with myself true!  

I may order
no doze
PLUS
jump rope and/or yoga mat
(to get it over 25)
no doz would be good investment would keep extra in first aid etc. NICE!


Watched my vids evenign yesterday) – chess
November 2, 2011, 10:12 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
Watched my vids evenign yesterday) - chess
hfunnily read about tesla badass and dracula lit criticism in basement. Standing desk ROCKS I think a combination of eating a lot and WATCHING my vids has led to alignment. jolly good!
h

NOT wkfing felt really good.  Maybe I should just eat rice nad fish here until fish is gone and then get groceries?  IDK doesn't seem like groceries will occur tomorrow (in 6 hours technially) too scary.

I strangely feel like thigns I read are trying to help me.

I read aout how Reti (or osmeone can't remember) was supposed to study math but studied chess. I LIKE THAT.  I love those thigns and wnat to study more math and hcess and do math problems SWEET!!!!!!  and chess and classical music OMFG.  Strange how something I plan out i basically NEVER do!! So freaked about grocery. holy =hell.=

----------------------
Slept 2am to 1330
dreamdream

dreamt jsk flipped off top of 428 and we were horrified thought he died. timboj loser disgusting wanker was like "chilling" outside at spears house and then we found james floating face up in a small pool with back overly arched but was alive and we were like thougth you died and he was like I did.  

I HATE DISGUSTING BIOFAM. TRUE!

Then ?I envisioned wrinkly boobs and spindly boobs and sexy boobs and gross flabby boobs of the danish women to like deglorify boobs.

dangit Iwas all ahppay and about to play vid games but worried I would fare better if I did work in ubuntu. DANGIT!!   I want to beat half-life and then stuff and I fear playing vid games will prevent me from godo android learnign well I can do that later fuckit . 

played video games. got VERY annoying. haven'tshoweed in AGES.  I like Reading and writing and blogging and coding and drinking tea and classical music and chess. video games have me resort to walkthrough reference every 10 minutes; they are NOT fun it's work and hellish .  therefore I may keep macbook but I don't see why I'd ever user it.  even fun games (big games) seem bland and dumb.  It's VERY likely I will =sell macbook= and cease or diminish greatly playing games; it's also very likely I will sell the macbook!

I may get a tattoo and dual lobe ear piercing.  /i like that
tao and/or A.  A I have talked to people about the most which shoulder? right.   has to be that's controlled by the left side of brain; =logic. =

my new "game" is finishing popp, blogging, THOSE are gamelike!! I like those games much more plus CHESS I am loving chess wahoo.  Video games are rubbish really they've become like movies. chess is a real game and qual and strategy and codign logic will be MORE FUN.  I am not sacrificing anythng.  I am not like "oh I liked those.." meh the gaems are not fun right now even half life I am like this is not fun. writing working is fun lifting stuff eating healthy shit there's NO food. have to udpate cat stuff.

FUCKIGN IRATE.  INFURIATED. FUCKING F ORMATTING WORDPROCESSORS CANNOT USE THOSE PIECES OF SHIT UNTIL TOTALLY FINISHED.  CHANGED CAT LITTER.  I CANNOT do voice work authoring blogging  vid game coding aI CANNOT do all that shit AND shower and have normal life=-body shit. 

I AM FREAKING OUT without food.  food causes me to wallow and be like Oh I can wait to get rid of or process that because I can wallow in food.  So not having practically any food is cause me to freakd out.

I think I should WORK in the basement.

Sleep in attic

and then cat shit and food shit is main floor.

i don't GIVE A FUK I don't want to be here. when changing cat litter thought of crap brad pitt drivign to west caost FUCK HIM foasfasqwjfwepoir3j

fucking hell. feels good to be moving and doing things having showered.


Right Leg Bloated Feeling
November 1, 2011, 10:13 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
Right Leg Bloated Feeling
Sqta down in fanroom, on sofa iwth desk draw SOO comfortably pulled out and playued a delightfully fun level of trine.  LOVED IAT. but I got an erection nd same Right leg bloated swelling feeling (started when sate down on sofa and when sara and linsay signed on to messenger but logged out immediately)

What is the right leg swelling them?  Arousal? Anger? Feeling trapped?

I think it happened watching derren brown.

So one annoying thing is that I don't feel I can be comfortoable b/c if I do I get erection and bloated leg swell!  So I am always a bit "uncomfortable" which is....well annoying! \\

rihgt leg is up while writing this and am in ubuntu so feel better but still very MEH!!

Youknow I may not be able to enjoy games on macbook it may alwasy seem grey and meh.  possible!!!!!!!! IDK I  will wait till large games downlod keep that for a few weeks if it's great, grea,t if its no big deal or def want to sell will sell.

CITY day things popped up and I thought of voracious reading indeed.  I DO want ot be reading mORE than game playing; it's more fun adn rewarding but I DO want to gameplay (but slightly els sthan rading)

So I hvae this fear of comfortable did the coach desk anger me????? Possible!!!!!!!  Iliked that pull out thing though =rocked!=

---------------------------------------

Just woke up dreamdream

dreamt someoen was bed-ridden in this weird dostoevsky-like situation and he flung coins and flung a key from bed and it broke and he thought he was locked out but he had forgotten he had flung key and someoen was like just imagine if this hurt a girl and they thought his key disappeareed or something meh crpa =dream.

also dreamed was in crap 428 and oddly timboj said he had to go teach somethign which I knew was a lie. and then scott davis and someone else stopped over and they  said they played tennis when I asked them what exercise they did (because always had gym bag).  I felt they were lying about something and oen  person had racket but meh.

-------------

corproate life people are so hoaky it's like raids; putting up with hell but SOO worse and getting paid but fake life.  infintiure worse than raids.   it's like putting up with wretched blegh. i don't care. may go back to sleep. 

slept about 2am?? to 1030am may go back to sleep a bit.

mdeh

--------------------------------------------=

Update.

I FEEL soo much better after food I feel MUCH safer in attic it's light, peaceful, clear, rad.  I saw knife sharpenign advert and then tweaked my hiking gear list its pretty good.  pretty awesome but I dont' care about that.  I just want access to hiking gear etc.  I prob may keep hiking gear in that bag?? instead of duffel? MEH NO I don't like that tried that and disliek . I ahve been packing hiking gear since 2007 but NEVER actually hiking/camping moving every 1-2 nights (almost wroet knights)  FEEl SOO good after eating wow.  good broc and pasta rad.! I love simple eating wahoo!!

I love the jumprope I made haha.

only e-ink ereaders would go on hiking. True.  maybe prob sony recorder def. That thing is SOOO useful i love =that!!
=

anyways,  I don't care about hikign it's just somethign I want access to but I want to do android dev

in installing the games ALL these "rad" games I am have access ot all HUGEgames
assass creed 2
left for dead
bully
darksiders
borderladns etc

They seem boring some do.  playng with other gamers is what made wow fun!! I prob should do some blog post or write or something  Ilikethis lifeograph it ROCKS!!!!!!!!!! exactly what I'd want it to do.  export beautiful RAD!! so cgreat!==

I tried to make multiple entries per day and it wouldn't let me.  I LIKE THAt.

I eventually will rampant polemic this per month or year.

I HATED that biking comment.  I really dislike bikign and runnign because of them being coping mechanisms associated with fear and emotional abuse TRUE! (coping with kate rubbish religious rubbish costa rica shit) and emotional abuse 12th grade xc HELL.  So yeah.

I LOVE code adn everything.  and writing and minimalism and voice work.  Voice work I genuinely like it upgrades me and my life and I feel like lighter afterward

maybe this has been liek hiking? lol idk 

don't knwo about shower should record that in shower thign.

--------
started to work on not_showering_holmes file and I got an erection when marked down eXACTLy 10/6 to 10/13 (except monday 10/10 that I showered.  that was different could have been experiem WHY did I get distraction then.  I THINK I got erection because my penis is working against me trying to distract me when I'm making a reaction OR I'm interested in that analysis of detail and the interest caused reproductive erection thought of fucking the bar woman (ranger bf whateve rmeh fail).  I am a computer nerd I LOVE LINU waqhoo.  After 7 days no wkf thoughts and erections pop up frequently I feel so much safer not runnign =etc.

=I AM fearful of peopel aetc==

feels so good to write in proper journal dang this app ROCKS TRULY no complication no headache simple WAY better than simple text editor but has that output simplicity =rAD!=

Things still to understand

IMPOIMPO
----------------------

Why I went in boiler room after that chick.  I think EMBARASSED with myself (thought I looked ugly?)

One HORRIBLE fear I had is I did tons of bar club  rubbish and then "dated" kate for 3 months.  I HATED kate.  THEN I met that huge gorgeous-boobed woman Whom I LIKED (at least her breasts).  Then toxic cult disrupted what I had worked hard on.

Two Poitns.

Becoming more modular.  Environment doesn't hurt me as muc hany more ( I can relocate and won't "break" so to speak) True.  Relcoating so much does that, that said I no longer want relaction.  In terms of sex dating rubbish

I feared havign to do tons of bar club rubbish and THEN dating someone I hate and stuff I don't like like I did those 3-4 months so THEN I can get to huge jugs thta (at least at that time  Iliked).  I don't really care though it's like that cat commerica you do all this song and dance to impress or draw out cat and then it doesnt respone and does when you give up I just hate putting time into that rubbish.

The only reason why I am thinking about that is damn disurptive arousal.

But this whole thing is infuriatingly dumb and annoying because BECAUSE.....I shouldn't have to distort myself so muc hto date women I HATE Thta it was like the hardesting possibl.e  I just like doing computer voice work etc. fTW

But then I envisoned that bartender blonde ranger chick on me being like "squeeze my breat s press m yubbtons" like her as a video gam that woudl be admittedly pretty fun, simple, and yeah fun and simple but then again I hate thinking about that because of all the idiotic shit I've done mindnumbingly dumb expensive STUPID (aus lindy?!) stuff to try to get taht and plus it's not that rewarding and if I'm so obsessed with it (without anythign else) it's dangerous and rubibsh (things might be better with podcat, writing, blogs, linG, games, chess, classical, reading great bokos) all these source of joy in life. but then again dating nad hooking up with women in past was so repulsive (ugly women) UGLY.  and smelly and gross OR draining financial or huge time sink draining of time, money, that it's not worth it PLUS I dont' want to be journaling about women nor thinking baout sex. would rathe b e doing games and code and reading and that enjoyment the only reason is got horny and haven't wkfed in a few days and prob will in fe wdays.

---------------

Pseudo-wks ellie nad zuzana

I think I am getting wkf urge b/c 

in attic ?
havent' wkfed in 7 days?
need to eat more? POSSIBLE
on to something with observing past calendars!!

but if I wkf it all crumbles so /i mustn't I feel plus it's not what I want.  instead of indulging the RANDOM erections I get, just neglect them!

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His workstation was obscenely awesome.  HE had a cockpit gauntlet little seat setup so he'd climb in and be at about a 25 degree angle from perfectly horizantl.  He had computer screens installed all around some of the m touch and a mic and gamepade and keyboard and mice cnected so he could see tons of information, record, take calls, write, edit, game all in this gaunt launchpad seat.  Some things in NASA weren't as sophisticated as that stellar controlo panel =situation!=

The man had two feline companions. He had two hardshell attaches. he had a tablet and apparently over 3.5 TB of data.  his cockpit and his his futon and one chair and a few standing desks were all he had.  

The man owned 20 paper-based books.  

He had zero clutter.  All of his projects were digital.  he had a chessboard (at a standing desk naturally). All his food was always 100% naturally stocked.  HE owned no car and kept everything mathematically organized and clean.  Yet he enjoyed life more than anyone I know.  He loved his cats. played games and his extreme Serious Minimalism allwoed him to connect with great books nad book worlds betterthan anyoen and his own body was so aligned; there was no telly nor clutter nor paper-based book to throw it off.  All the books he kept (chess, cllassical music, computers, and a few other aligning ones) were valuable gems etc. nothign that angered him.

HE was electric with productivity and grace and elegance nad precision and cleanliness and efficiency were teh cornerstones of his life.

He experienced Tons of safety financially with all he saved up.  permanetly ins a structured formulaic manner!

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I REALLY like the mouse BEHIND the screen like reaching behind screen where mouse is VERY fun much more control much better.not sure where keyboared should be then prob behind better lcoation!

=

"Economists explain that wealth has 'declining marginal utility,' which is a fancy way of saying that it hurts to be hungry, cold, sick, tired, and scared, but once you've brought your way out of these burdens the rest of your money is an increasingly useless pile of paper. " (Gilbert 239).

So my interpretation of Gilbert's interpretation of econimcal theory is that once money has helped you survive (i.e. not die).  It's more or less fairly useless.  I actually fully agree with and understand that.  I agree with the necessity of money for survival and well-being, but then, in stark contrast, it's total negligibility and uselessness after survival has been acquired and basic living essentials for survival are  not "up and running", but genuinely just taken care of, resolved, and certain.  Once the burden of being concerned about basic survivals has been resolved, the utility of money plummets and the hassle of it starts to increase!

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I fear musing on this too much for "testing this theory out" like I did in france or something rubbish. of testing out survival I will never test that out again.  wilderness hiking is NOT survival; that's enjoyment.  As is work and computer work.  Notknow ing where will sleep in scary horrid city affordign fodo etc is horrifying.

WKF urge come from fear of using computer too much or dislikign computer possible IDK

I feel dell computer has gotten uncomfortlabe annoying which vexes me.

Waqtched some vids. Helpful.  Getting fed up without proper computer setup the laptop or what plays the games is just tip of iceberg really.  I need proper SAFE sitting angle of monitor all of that to enjoy having the game UP makes it MUCH more enjoyable TRUE.  TRUE.  so need to fix all that or games will be boring.  

That consoel thing looked cool.