Rampant Polemic


Right Leg Bloated Feeling
November 1, 2011, 10:13 am
Filed under: Uncategorized
Right Leg Bloated Feeling
Sqta down in fanroom, on sofa iwth desk draw SOO comfortably pulled out and playued a delightfully fun level of trine.  LOVED IAT. but I got an erection nd same Right leg bloated swelling feeling (started when sate down on sofa and when sara and linsay signed on to messenger but logged out immediately)

What is the right leg swelling them?  Arousal? Anger? Feeling trapped?

I think it happened watching derren brown.

So one annoying thing is that I don't feel I can be comfortoable b/c if I do I get erection and bloated leg swell!  So I am always a bit "uncomfortable" which is....well annoying! \\

rihgt leg is up while writing this and am in ubuntu so feel better but still very MEH!!

Youknow I may not be able to enjoy games on macbook it may alwasy seem grey and meh.  possible!!!!!!!! IDK I  will wait till large games downlod keep that for a few weeks if it's great, grea,t if its no big deal or def want to sell will sell.

CITY day things popped up and I thought of voracious reading indeed.  I DO want ot be reading mORE than game playing; it's more fun adn rewarding but I DO want to gameplay (but slightly els sthan rading)

So I hvae this fear of comfortable did the coach desk anger me????? Possible!!!!!!!  Iliked that pull out thing though =rocked!=

---------------------------------------

Just woke up dreamdream

dreamt someoen was bed-ridden in this weird dostoevsky-like situation and he flung coins and flung a key from bed and it broke and he thought he was locked out but he had forgotten he had flung key and someoen was like just imagine if this hurt a girl and they thought his key disappeareed or something meh crpa =dream.

also dreamed was in crap 428 and oddly timboj said he had to go teach somethign which I knew was a lie. and then scott davis and someone else stopped over and they  said they played tennis when I asked them what exercise they did (because always had gym bag).  I felt they were lying about something and oen  person had racket but meh.

-------------

corproate life people are so hoaky it's like raids; putting up with hell but SOO worse and getting paid but fake life.  infintiure worse than raids.   it's like putting up with wretched blegh. i don't care. may go back to sleep. 

slept about 2am?? to 1030am may go back to sleep a bit.

mdeh

--------------------------------------------=

Update.

I FEEL soo much better after food I feel MUCH safer in attic it's light, peaceful, clear, rad.  I saw knife sharpenign advert and then tweaked my hiking gear list its pretty good.  pretty awesome but I dont' care about that.  I just want access to hiking gear etc.  I prob may keep hiking gear in that bag?? instead of duffel? MEH NO I don't like that tried that and disliek . I ahve been packing hiking gear since 2007 but NEVER actually hiking/camping moving every 1-2 nights (almost wroet knights)  FEEl SOO good after eating wow.  good broc and pasta rad.! I love simple eating wahoo!!

I love the jumprope I made haha.

only e-ink ereaders would go on hiking. True.  maybe prob sony recorder def. That thing is SOOO useful i love =that!!
=

anyways,  I don't care about hikign it's just somethign I want access to but I want to do android dev

in installing the games ALL these "rad" games I am have access ot all HUGEgames
assass creed 2
left for dead
bully
darksiders
borderladns etc

They seem boring some do.  playng with other gamers is what made wow fun!! I prob should do some blog post or write or something  Ilikethis lifeograph it ROCKS!!!!!!!!!! exactly what I'd want it to do.  export beautiful RAD!! so cgreat!==

I tried to make multiple entries per day and it wouldn't let me.  I LIKE THAt.

I eventually will rampant polemic this per month or year.

I HATED that biking comment.  I really dislike bikign and runnign because of them being coping mechanisms associated with fear and emotional abuse TRUE! (coping with kate rubbish religious rubbish costa rica shit) and emotional abuse 12th grade xc HELL.  So yeah.

I LOVE code adn everything.  and writing and minimalism and voice work.  Voice work I genuinely like it upgrades me and my life and I feel like lighter afterward

maybe this has been liek hiking? lol idk 

don't knwo about shower should record that in shower thign.

--------
started to work on not_showering_holmes file and I got an erection when marked down eXACTLy 10/6 to 10/13 (except monday 10/10 that I showered.  that was different could have been experiem WHY did I get distraction then.  I THINK I got erection because my penis is working against me trying to distract me when I'm making a reaction OR I'm interested in that analysis of detail and the interest caused reproductive erection thought of fucking the bar woman (ranger bf whateve rmeh fail).  I am a computer nerd I LOVE LINU waqhoo.  After 7 days no wkf thoughts and erections pop up frequently I feel so much safer not runnign =etc.

=I AM fearful of peopel aetc==

feels so good to write in proper journal dang this app ROCKS TRULY no complication no headache simple WAY better than simple text editor but has that output simplicity =rAD!=

Things still to understand

IMPOIMPO
----------------------

Why I went in boiler room after that chick.  I think EMBARASSED with myself (thought I looked ugly?)

One HORRIBLE fear I had is I did tons of bar club  rubbish and then "dated" kate for 3 months.  I HATED kate.  THEN I met that huge gorgeous-boobed woman Whom I LIKED (at least her breasts).  Then toxic cult disrupted what I had worked hard on.

Two Poitns.

Becoming more modular.  Environment doesn't hurt me as muc hany more ( I can relocate and won't "break" so to speak) True.  Relcoating so much does that, that said I no longer want relaction.  In terms of sex dating rubbish

I feared havign to do tons of bar club rubbish and THEN dating someone I hate and stuff I don't like like I did those 3-4 months so THEN I can get to huge jugs thta (at least at that time  Iliked).  I don't really care though it's like that cat commerica you do all this song and dance to impress or draw out cat and then it doesnt respone and does when you give up I just hate putting time into that rubbish.

The only reason why I am thinking about that is damn disurptive arousal.

But this whole thing is infuriatingly dumb and annoying because BECAUSE.....I shouldn't have to distort myself so muc hto date women I HATE Thta it was like the hardesting possibl.e  I just like doing computer voice work etc. fTW

But then I envisoned that bartender blonde ranger chick on me being like "squeeze my breat s press m yubbtons" like her as a video gam that woudl be admittedly pretty fun, simple, and yeah fun and simple but then again I hate thinking about that because of all the idiotic shit I've done mindnumbingly dumb expensive STUPID (aus lindy?!) stuff to try to get taht and plus it's not that rewarding and if I'm so obsessed with it (without anythign else) it's dangerous and rubibsh (things might be better with podcat, writing, blogs, linG, games, chess, classical, reading great bokos) all these source of joy in life. but then again dating nad hooking up with women in past was so repulsive (ugly women) UGLY.  and smelly and gross OR draining financial or huge time sink draining of time, money, that it's not worth it PLUS I dont' want to be journaling about women nor thinking baout sex. would rathe b e doing games and code and reading and that enjoyment the only reason is got horny and haven't wkfed in a few days and prob will in fe wdays.

---------------

Pseudo-wks ellie nad zuzana

I think I am getting wkf urge b/c 

in attic ?
havent' wkfed in 7 days?
need to eat more? POSSIBLE
on to something with observing past calendars!!

but if I wkf it all crumbles so /i mustn't I feel plus it's not what I want.  instead of indulging the RANDOM erections I get, just neglect them!

-----------------

His workstation was obscenely awesome.  HE had a cockpit gauntlet little seat setup so he'd climb in and be at about a 25 degree angle from perfectly horizantl.  He had computer screens installed all around some of the m touch and a mic and gamepade and keyboard and mice cnected so he could see tons of information, record, take calls, write, edit, game all in this gaunt launchpad seat.  Some things in NASA weren't as sophisticated as that stellar controlo panel =situation!=

The man had two feline companions. He had two hardshell attaches. he had a tablet and apparently over 3.5 TB of data.  his cockpit and his his futon and one chair and a few standing desks were all he had.  

The man owned 20 paper-based books.  

He had zero clutter.  All of his projects were digital.  he had a chessboard (at a standing desk naturally). All his food was always 100% naturally stocked.  HE owned no car and kept everything mathematically organized and clean.  Yet he enjoyed life more than anyone I know.  He loved his cats. played games and his extreme Serious Minimalism allwoed him to connect with great books nad book worlds betterthan anyoen and his own body was so aligned; there was no telly nor clutter nor paper-based book to throw it off.  All the books he kept (chess, cllassical music, computers, and a few other aligning ones) were valuable gems etc. nothign that angered him.

HE was electric with productivity and grace and elegance nad precision and cleanliness and efficiency were teh cornerstones of his life.

He experienced Tons of safety financially with all he saved up.  permanetly ins a structured formulaic manner!

---------------

I REALLY like the mouse BEHIND the screen like reaching behind screen where mouse is VERY fun much more control much better.not sure where keyboared should be then prob behind better lcoation!

=

"Economists explain that wealth has 'declining marginal utility,' which is a fancy way of saying that it hurts to be hungry, cold, sick, tired, and scared, but once you've brought your way out of these burdens the rest of your money is an increasingly useless pile of paper. " (Gilbert 239).

So my interpretation of Gilbert's interpretation of econimcal theory is that once money has helped you survive (i.e. not die).  It's more or less fairly useless.  I actually fully agree with and understand that.  I agree with the necessity of money for survival and well-being, but then, in stark contrast, it's total negligibility and uselessness after survival has been acquired and basic living essentials for survival are  not "up and running", but genuinely just taken care of, resolved, and certain.  Once the burden of being concerned about basic survivals has been resolved, the utility of money plummets and the hassle of it starts to increase!

----

I fear musing on this too much for "testing this theory out" like I did in france or something rubbish. of testing out survival I will never test that out again.  wilderness hiking is NOT survival; that's enjoyment.  As is work and computer work.  Notknow ing where will sleep in scary horrid city affordign fodo etc is horrifying.

WKF urge come from fear of using computer too much or dislikign computer possible IDK

I feel dell computer has gotten uncomfortlabe annoying which vexes me.

Waqtched some vids. Helpful.  Getting fed up without proper computer setup the laptop or what plays the games is just tip of iceberg really.  I need proper SAFE sitting angle of monitor all of that to enjoy having the game UP makes it MUCH more enjoyable TRUE.  TRUE.  so need to fix all that or games will be boring.  

That consoel thing looked cool.
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