Rampant Polemic


Old 2006 Journal – Attacked Art (meh) toxic people.
July 29, 2012, 11:03 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Romantic is great for happiness, identity — namely women, and surfing. The Defense is a stabiliizer it keeps me
moving forward by fending off people who attack me in either the Romantic or the Intelligent acts. The Defense
ensures positive, STABILIZED movement. So how do I
12/20/06
Dreamt the cottage in MEHSBFAIL was HUGE, you could see zcross massively and it was mom’s office and you could park
cars in there it was so big, There was a MASSIVE conference room a pciture of william wallace braveheart and it
was like a fully decorated warehouse. A little pool guy was working on some small pool outside and it was a secret
how big it was.
12/23/06
Ransdells last night (their awesome manic Chip fox-terrier dog did this hyper sprint and then took a dump!), then
kincaids, saw flee, this beautiful gorgeous stunning woman, then saw james and thomas back at the house, went
back to try to get that woman’s number, then gave 4 people a lift downtown.
I need to get a place of my own that has thousands of POSITIVE anchors that keep me up. Keep me up spiritually
and emotionally to keep doing good work. Because there’s so much CRAP — video games, watching TV, watching
movies, drugs, junk food SHIT SHIT! THere’s so much of it that suffocates EVERY single day and people aren’t
even bloody aware of these poisons. That they are ingesting toxins when watching TV, etc. I don’t sleep on a bed
— I sleep on the floor. I have a dog and cat — animals for intelligence. I eat Whole Foods food, primarily soups,
seafood, and salads, and some pastas, I get MASSIVE amounts of exercise on a regular basis, I love surfing and
pleasing women.. Those pets, sleeping position, foods, keep me up and focused. I am most interested in shifting
to pleasing women instead of pleasing myself through women because it’s so easy to do that. It’s so easy to
please yourself. GOD! I can’t wait to get an apartment of my own!! A place where I can have all of those things!! A
foxe-terrier and a cat — if I do not get those pets SOON (within the next few months), I will shift back into relying on
toxins, poisonous, dangerous, unhealthy habits like video games, TV, movies, and shit I don’t want and cramps
and congests my life, creating problems for me! IF I get a cat and a dog, I will surf more, have great sex more, stay
healhty with ease and enjoyment and love life to the fullest!
I know what kind of dog to get — a wire fox-terrier and a symmetrical cool cat, named, respectively Tazmania and
Atticus. They will embody my hyperactivity and exciting and then logical reason and whatnot. AWesome
awesome stuff. Not having those pets will keep me in depression, suffocate my essence, create massive problems
for me, and create uncertainty. Having pets will elicit my compassionate and humanitiarian vibes because I will be
able to care for them and will love them, something that never happens to finnigan.
After getting out of a LONG period of inactivity, and lethargy and bad stuff, having a dog and a cat and a fish will
mobilize my positive intention bring me fantastic joy, profoundly ginormous financial wealth, incredible happiness,
the best sex, beautiful women, intense surfing happiness and everything. I will prove to myself that I can do great
stuff and I MUST get a cat and a dog! It will creat tremendous balance and centeredness — centeredness in my
life!!
Most importantly, getting a dog and a cat will get me out of this stupid “modeling” bs where I don’t have any control
over my life; getting a dog and a cat will give make me more assertive because they are GOOD great connections
to have and I’ve wanted them for a long time and it will keep me connnected with moving forward and I’ll master
taking care of animals and they’ll be awesome friends!
Okay, so I have the ideal. The vision of a dog and a cat. NExt step is a place to put them — 430 or my own
apartment. Next step is
Words of wisdom from last night:
Bars kind of like surfing but no where nearly as cool. You get clarity with fresh air!! Joe Ransdell: training dog?
I think I’ve wanted to be “naughty” for awhile, but am really, most likely just nice, kind of. I want to stay on top — to
do that- – I have to EXERCISE LOTs, get what I want (pets, whole foods foods, sex with a hot babe).
Here’s what’s SO problematic about
I’m doing great because I’ve resurrected from focusing on dealy wrong things — computers, politics, psychology,
english — and am all about the things that creat joy for me. The things that create joy, focus, centeredness,
success, sexiness, and happiness for me are acting, animals, nature, music
Aligning, centering, GOOD medicine things — whole foods food (soups, seafood, salads), comedy, dog and cat,
exercise (Running, swimming, surfing, soccer), vyl readings and recordings, good music.

 

 

20100801 rubbish my interests were so naïve and superficial and DELUDED by the cult of hollywood. A few
journal entries prior in 2006 I talked about how I joyously went to visit mel gibson’s bar situation. Rubbish. I get
USED in cities. In france, in Brimehsbfailane, in chicaog, theyre all NOISY, cacauphony of hell and it disrupts my mind. I
AM an animal, homo sapiense are animals and I need wilderness. The videos of me in Brimehsbfailane and in strad were
SOOO starkly different and I was panicking in brimehsbfailane because I ForeSAW (I read ahead) all the HELL that I
would have to endure that I did endure (france, sydney, travels, chicago, HELL, three months of nonstop
surrounded by people, hell, really). In wilderness ALONE I was happy, relaxed, my mind worked because I wasn’t
in overdrive fear-mode, Wilderness was gentle nice, MUCH more of an optimal environment for me!
Maybe they didd go to mehsbfail I dont’ care maybe I do read ahead lol.
People — I – – deserve to be happy. We need to have pets, women, humor, good food, good music, alive people,
not dead people. Who’s alive (many actors, ronald reagan (but he has to work with the dead), the ocean, pets)
I’m going to leave
Clean out entire basement. timboj not only doesn’t thank me, not only doesn’t acknowledge the time I put into it, but
says that I need to save these 3 toddler plastic chairs.
Ezrabitch or TIMBOJ someone is a dominatrix — a controlling, manipulative type person.
Don’t want conflict with family, want it to cool off, permanently. Doesn’t help me. It gave me a lot of space, but
whoop de do!
12/26/06
I have everyone’s conversations saved on a “mental file” so when I see a person, I can instantly get back into the
conversation with them. Far out!
%15am dad came down into 430 basement after I was doing Xmas Carol Recordings. I told him he didn’t want to
do a script now because he wanted to be asleep, He kept saying lines to provoke me (about my medication)
because he wanted to do a script, but then he went ahead and did the script, the play, when I told him not to, he
said my art (the art that I had spend dozens and dozens and dozens of hours painting on was a piece of shit.
What a bastard! What a fat, ugly bastard! The desk and chairs that I so amazingly painted with hundreds of hours
and so many tears, and sweat and grime into that poetry, that poetry I refined in a senior writing seminar, all of that
is on that art. It’s to poignant to me that I glazed it and have wanted to encase it in stuff. He has no soul after
devouting his life to money, so when he sees beautiful creations that he could never make from someone else, his
sham, hollow, decrepit, fat, pimply, wart-filled grotesque corpse can only criticize it out of jealousy. He’s a piece of
shit, that fat, good for nothing, his whole life, his whole marriage is a piece of shit, so I got mad at him, I pushed
him, I made it clear that that was art. like the art he had next door. the chagall, and the warhol, this was art. True,
some art is pieces of shit, but that is unmistakenly art.
His life is so bleak and pathetically drained of coolor because all he does is conceal.
I wanted to hurt him.
That was the most painful, the most nocuous, the largest pressure point anyone could ever push. So much of my
struggle, my life, my emotions, was put into that.
I realized that hurting him wouldn’t do any good. TIMBOJ is already in so much pain. So much anguish bottled up —
TIMBOJ has seizures of suffering. I have seizures of joy everyday.
He’s really a vile father — only able to relate to his sons through a work ethic; only doing resumes for his sons
instead of taking them out on the town.
I am in danger — of being artistically killed by that vermin — that’s why I felt it wasn’t safe my junior year, because
this artistic mastery, this incredible expression of splendid craft — amazing acting, painting, creative, artistic talent
was something I was connecting with and TIMBOJ was enraged with jealousy and thus spent every moment of his life
trying to bury it.
I wanted to have a stronger reaction. I wanted to sock him in the gut and roundkick him to the face! And I am a
pacificist! His words were so menacing and treacherously cutting to the bone that
So then I went back and told him again that that was art. I pushed his shoulders, causing him to back into the back
of the sofa, and then slapped him his head which shocked him and got him to say that that is not a piece of shit;
that is art. I said, tell me you understand that that is art.
Let me hear that you understand.
“I understand”.
Let me hear you say that. What is that next door.
“It’s not a piece of shit”.
What is it?
“It’s a piece of art.”

He needed that shock. Anyone who thinks that grades and Letters are so much more
I wrote this based on the life script.
But I’m not even interested in helping timboj, he doesn’t want to help himself. I’m only interested in helping TMK and
JIMBOJ, where their time is more valuable, because they may be interested in helping to extend their happiness and
success!
He likes me to fill in the blanks, though. Maybe now he’ll understand that there exists projects, emphases,
emotional undertakings of a greater significance and poignance than juggling ledgers and financial charts, treating
yourself like some computer. Maybe now you’ll see that some things in life actually possess meaning and
emotional, even spiritual significance to people — a type of poignancy you have long since buried, only leaving a
vile smoldering carcas neglecting your abundance of good happiness. So much for cooling things off. Get out
while you still have a soul.
That’s not power at all. That’s purpose of message and intention.
My only regret is thomas didn’t see that because it seriously helps him out, big time, to make sure he doesn’t bury
his artistic spirit. To see that you can stand up to your own father if you know (on an occasion) that he’s wrong.
ETc. Good stuff to get him out of obedience and into self-reliance. Only the great men practicied self-reliance to
break into new areas of intellectual knowledge. Everyone else simply practiced obedience.

 

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