Rampant Polemic

Thought of turning baement into porn dungeon or bar
November 15, 2011, 10:14 am
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Thought of turning baement into porn dungeon or bar

ABout as bad as I could be without being destructive or illegal.  was fed up with shit and thought hey I could wank or make food and then do posts and I decided JOYFULLY to do the latter.

This led to me realizing how mcuh I fucking LOVE the basement.  LOVE it. it's cool. secret. like a man cave. same color. no squeaky floors. hidden it's rad. like a hidden volume. one of best sleeps of life in a long time last night there too.

thought of how this house is like the broken fight club house sorta.

thought of fukcing that skinny chick.

Thougth of how I have abad said (not drugs destructig fail shit) that thinks of things like turning basement into porn dungeon or bar to EARN only to eanr obvis and secretive.

reading orwell helps.

Validate Your Life is SUCH A FRONT!! It's a fucking front to conceal my bad side.  must share more on OMSS. that helps.

best of all. WATCHING my vids helps sweet true!!!

I like the basement.  feel so much better after cooking food and doing shit omfg. good qual!

now will do the stupid "front" recordings.

but how I actually earn MUST be fucking  or bar that I host I thought of Geek bar!  I have a bad side (verne) that's not getting satisified.  once verne is doing all these bad thigns THEN THEN THEN.........."front" phil can interact with people witout anger.

what happens now is verne is like "is it time for me yet? yet? now? huh?" mor eand more and my front phil pushes him down.  he needs an outlet. had a bit with cats strangel.  but best outslet might be fucking? or rogue or whatever. idk.  whate outelt is must be legal. good.

maybe this should be on rampant. 


I HATE porn though I LIKE math!!!! fuck.

I HATE porn though I LIKE math!!!! fuck.

Fornication, Celibacy, Abstinence, and Sexual Intercourse
December 22, 2010, 4:52 pm
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I was reluctant to send this because I’ve think i’ve talked about, discussed, ranted about, even whined about the “S” word too much already.  That was the main reason why I wouldn’t want to send, but it’s something about which I’m excitedly content (this did get bizarre and overly-intellectual toward the end. Feel free skip over that).

The voice of wisdom is based on respect and reverence and trust and mutual affection, not rules.  I think when rules (like I’m “never” doing y until x happens) into a relationship, makes it stuck and hindered and handicapped.  A relationship that has strong preferences where a person concieves of somethign incredibly unique to the relationship (they feel some immense amount of certainty or something), is more strong and structured than a relationship cut-up with rules.  I think interests, loves, passions, and all of that should be honored in a relationship.  I think rules suffocate a relationship in a very dangerous way.

I like respecting people and their values and if they don’t want to do something I am always focusing on doing my best to honor and respect that!  However, that’s distinct from rules and boarding up something.  Rules in a relationship I think are slightly toxic.  Rules are different from respect.  A relationship is too much of an organic, living breathing being, to staple a rule to it and say this must happen before this.

Because of what Kate has said about pre-marital sex, I think I’ve become more nervous about sex than her!  That’s not good!  So I think it’s best for me to just find other outlets and focus on other things and other elements of dating, and if Kate wants to do something about it, fine, but if not, equally as fine.  

i think I just like the (I know EXTREMELY unlikely) vision of having intercourse with Kate.  I fantasize about that, okay!! lol. haha.  I do so especially because the relationsihp is so amazing and she IS like a best friend!  Bloody hell!  Most people I’ve fantasized about with sex, they waft away in the imagination.  With Kate, I keep fantasizing about (actually dreaming about) that because I like her as a friend so much and feel so much emotional trust and authentically connected with her.  Thus, I think a lot of the other fantasy and dreams I’ve had (over other women) there was little or no emotional component to it; now, however, there’s a friendship, emotional, fun, serious, connected, incredibly potent and strong element to the entire relationsihp, which totally rocks!

So I guess hearing:

“we aren’t fulfilling ourfantasy/dream until we do a ceremony and exchange weddign vows”

is VERY different from

“we aren’t fulfilling our fantasy/dream until we’re both mutually ready emotionally, with trust, and certainty, and understanding and knowing that it’s right with the relationship”

The second one I’m completely happy with and respect more than the first one.  It think the second one is more natural, graceful, and akin to how a relationship grows (and relationship can grow massively without sex; sex is NOT an ingredient for relationship growth! It occasionally can be an important nutrient, but it’s not a necessary one.  After all, some of my best friendships don’t have .  The first one makes me kind of furrow my brow and be like “hhmm” that sounds like a snide constriction.  Strangely, I have an enormously different impact on the second one: I have monumentally much more respect for the latter than the former.  Here’s the most peculiar part: they would both have the same effect.  Something wouldn’t happen until someone felt ready!  It’s arguable this is semantics, but it’s not . The first one seems like restricting protocol and strangulates the growth of a trustworthy relationship, while the second one is about respect for a person’s body, mind, and spirit and connecting their emotional needs and thresholds for trust (how much trust and certainty a person needs varies from person to person).

I love a relationship that’s thriving (like the relationship with Kate…it’s frickin’ thriving in ways I never even thought of before).  After having such a an amazingly intense, rough, horrifying, homeless, at times fearful-of-dying experience in Europe (evne though, hey, I still love europe, it’s a fantastic place, and having a good or bad time their is not relevant to it’s qualityness and it’s sophisticated in good), then discovering and creating this relationship with Kate 4 months later feels like surviving a tornado and landing on some magical celestial Home cloud.  What I mean by that is I was shouting and screaming and broke and fearful of being stuck in a city and SCARED out of my mind of most all people.  And then comes along this awesome woman Kate. Whoop-dee-doo, Wow.  I love her!  I really do.  And it’s not like “oh I feel obligated to like her because of something” nor like “she likes me, so I’ll like her back” (even though I think she does like me).  This is like Wow, tremendous trust, fun, (but not like seriousness heaviness) like light, but also not like (randomness, who cares) it’s like fun, light, tremendous, and immensely galvanizing and awesome!  

Actually, by comparing how fortunate (and I’m not a person who likes the concept of luck: Luck is Infatuated with the efficient — Persian Proverb.  and a great one at that!) and COMPATIBLE (I’m a computer person, I’m huge with compatibility ) with this other person, over-focusing on something as trivial as sexual intercourse, which is this idiotic technical vaginal-insertion of penis or penile-insertion of vagina or however it’s technically described, is so myopic.  The massages, kissing, hugging, cuddling, and licking and touchign that Kate and I do I think are already much more powerful and potent and strong and meaningful (at least for me I realize!) than actual anatomical sexual congress!

So I realize in this very cathartic and helpful writing bit that all the intimacy and passion and hugging and massages and trust and laughs and listenign and talkings that I share with Kate are Wow, so amazing. I’m very content with our “sexual romantic life”.  I realize I was slightly being a little whiny obnoxious blinded person.  Actual coitus is really insignificant compared to all the intimacy we’ve shared and the intimacy is what’s important.  HAHA!  So we’re focusing on the important things already!  Most people focus on sex and then are like “Oh yeah…oops maybe we should build a relationship”.  Kate and I have totally done that. But it’s not like “build construct’ it grows.  It’s like an awesome amazing organism!    

So I’m realizing now, I don’t know if I’d actually want to have the formal anatomical intercourse” with Kate.  I’d fear being pressuring and pressuring her into doing something she wouldn’t want to do but MOST MOST MOST MOST important is that I realized it’s not that important to me.  I thought it was, but I realize We’re ALREADY doing — Kate and I are already achieving the genuinely important things in a relationship.

I feared that Kate’s sexual abstinence would starve the romantic part of the relationsihp, depriving it of a vital “nutrient” to a couple.  Sexual intercourse can be totally a valuable nutrient to a relationship, but “just” having it is insufferably myopic.  More importantly, being more conscientious of sex (as Kate is) has gotten me thinking about it and a part of me is slightly antisexual at times (disliking sex).  I am not asexual because asexuality is simply disinterest in sex.  I have somewhat of an interest in sex or maybe it’s just a pre-occupation and a pressure.  I’m thinking what would it be like if I engaged total abstinence (not just sexual, all abstinence).  Some believe that the loss of semen through ejaculation depletes vital nutrients of lecithin and phosphorous (found in semen and at high levels in the brain).  Frederick Niezsche claims the reabsorption of semen by the blood…perhaps promps the simulus of power, the unrest of all forces towards the overcoming of resistances”.  That’s a little hoakey-sounding, but I have noticed a very different impact from experimenting with abstinence.   I think right now I’m at a place where I only want to break abstinence only on special occasions, especially for particularly amazing romance.  But I wouldn’t want that romance on a regular basis I don’t think.  I think eventually it might feel depleting.

The lecithin and phosphorous argument is very enchanting and interesting.  I like the feeling of connection and kind of a truthfulness to myself being abstinent and then only occasionally breaking that abstinence on a unique occasion!  I think I will be more assertive with that and in a relationship it will be slightly challenging.

Pyschologically there’s statistical positive results to career and educational success directly associated with abstinence.  People who engage in sexual activity before 18 compared to those who do not are twice as likely to not finish college, twice as likely to not finish high school, and on average have 15 percent lower incomes.  Mark Twain says there’s “Lies, damn lies, and statistics”, but still, I think there’s some correlation with intelligence and abstinence.  The two seem to pop up all over the palce together.  Nikola Tesla, for example, was celibate.  Celibacy is committing to never having sex (nor orgasm, nor masturbation).  Celibacy, therefore is “permanent” or “forever” abstinence.  I admired that quality of Tesla.  I wouldn’t want to be celibate, but I have definitely experimented with abstinence.  

The only reason why abstinence is so appealing, is the physiological impact on the body and most importantly, the mind, seems to be very promising.  I have noted feeling slightly disorganized after ejaculating and more organized in some ways after not doing so.  

Chastity is a guideline for sexual conduct according to a culture, religion, or organization. A common prescription of chastity is abstinence.  I’m have zero interest in chastity which is basically rule-based restriction.  That would be changing or alterring oneself because of someone else’s rule.  I do like the idea of self-induced abstience for neuroscientific and physiological reasons.  

I’m actually noticing some similarities between behavior that Kate and I have but for very different reasons.  It seems like Kate’s behavior of abstinence is based on religious chastity and my interests in abstinence (which truly do exist) are based purely on physiology, like a physiological experiment.  

I did not know that the three major world religions, Islam, Judiasm, and Christianity, all restrict sex to something in a marital context.  Very interesting.  I was raised and found a love for science so rule-based restrictions are very silly to me.  If something has a physiological basis, it makes sense, usually.  For awhile I was incredibly ascetic.  Asceticism comes from the greek word “exercise” or “training”.  Exercise, and writing motivational e-books was a form of achieving spiritual goals.  I had no (or little) religious goals, but my spiritual goals were very serious.  They were very undefined and hazy, but strove towards them with exercise and writing.  Intellectual goals, career goals, relationship goals, and health goals are of my current and primary concern now.  I still think abstinence can be very helpful and galvanizing.  

So combining all these newly clarified words, A highly religious person would likely be chaste until marriage.  Their chastity woudl be based on abstinence.  Some peole ahve had permanent voluntary abstinence by choosing to be celibate, like Nikola Tesla did.  Considering the enormous amount of time and energy put into sexually-charged and distracting advertisements and pornography and the distortion of sex, celibacy sounds appealing because of the freedom from those digressions.  However, while an ascetic pursuit of some goal is wise and prudent, I think that intermittent and structured abstinence is a good alternative to permanent celibacy.  I think there will be pressure from people regarding this.  Voluntary, non-chaste abstinence, kind of ascetic-based abstinence is fairly rare; abstinence is most commonly found in the practice of religious chastity.

Some other interesting words are adultery, infidelity, and fornication.  Fornication is simple a special type of sexual intercourse, premaritical sexual intercourse.  Fascinatingly the etymological origin of fornicate is fornix which means archway.  The connection?  In ancient Rome prostitutes were solicited under archways.  So fornix (archway) is a euphemism for premaritial sex (which typically is conducted with a prostitute)!  So someone devoutly chaste will never fornicate, but they may have (post-marital) sex.  Adultery is sexual intercourse with someone other than the married spouse.  Adultery is a degree of infidelity.  Infidelity is colloquially referred to as “cheating”.  Something facinating.  If a couple commits to an open polyamorous relationship, then infidelity (and therefore adultery) are all impossible!  Sodomy can occur in a devoutly chaste married couple but whether or not it was a problem would depend on religious laws.

One particular religion that is interesting is Jainism, which seems incredibly focused not on rules and protocol, but asceticism.  The five huge vows of Jainism are:

Truth, non-stealing, non-violence are intellectually and morally already incredibly engaging and something I practice.  I’ve felt great discomfort around people who blatantly and continually lie about many things, trivially so.  I’ve noticed that in people.  I hadn’t realized how committed to being truthful I am.  I’ve seen positive and negative sides to that.  Ultimately, I think it’s much more interesting to be truthful or playfully untruthful can be very refreshing though (like the 30-seconds of lying in acting, was incredibly liberating, but it only worked because there was an agreement for a set time of lying.  I think I looked at things differently and a lot of what I said that wasn’t true, highlighted insights on things (like stage as a runway or a mine-field)!  It was very disturbing at those two places because All those people simply lied about their professions.  One person said architect, another said author.  And then later someone said they all worked at Weber grill.  I guess that means they all decided to lie about their professions or they decided to that on that night.  Non-possession and celibacy are the ones that have been of off and on interest.  To be honest, my interest in truthfulness is not waning, but I’m cultivating and interest in playful untruthfulness (imagination, only when another person agrees on that).  I have an interest in celibacy and my interest in non-possession started in 2000 and has fluctuated since.  I’ve generally been incredibly mobile.  I value voice and tons of knowledge.  I need computers.  I would never not want computers and data.  I like the idea of being selective about that however.  I do have a great dislike for cluttering possessions.  That’s what I like about data, though, is that it’s clutter-free and arguably not a possession.  I value data and journals and computer information, and knowledg,e but I dont’ like many possessions.  Non-stealing, non-violence are things I’m 100% on-board with.  There’s a lot of resistance to being truthful and celibate because, frankly, so many people lie and fuck.  I love logic and truthfulness and those go very well with teaching. I think non-violence and non-stealing are always universally productive.  However, I think there can be occsional merit to structured aggreed upon untruthfulness.  I don’t think celibacy is ideal, but some form of structured abstinence is something I practice already.  And a method of minimalizing non-computer-based possessions is an interst of mine as well.  So I can relate to some of the vows of Jainism.  I at the very least have some degree of interest in some of them!  

I guess being an atheist, what I like about Jainism is it’s strict ascetic focus to bettering oneself and the fact that it does not believe in a deity.  I guess technically someone can be both a Jainist and an Atheist, but I am not strict Jainist, but I am a strict atheist.

I just realized something I was trying to understand

A personal rule against fornication, a devout subscription to chastity, effects oneself and one’s partner.  A belief or a guideline for oneself often only effects and refers to oneself.  I think that’s where my distaste for strict chastity comes in.  I think someone waiting until they feel it’s right to fornicate (or even to have sexual intercourse after marriage, I think it would be appropriate to wait then, too!).  I think it makes as much sense to wait years until after marriage to have sex because only then does it feel right; similarly, I think it’s equally as appropriate to fornicate (premarital sex) because at that time it feels right.  I think regardless of marriage (if people are married for 20 years and it doesn’t feel right, then they shouldn’t have sex), people should always wait until there’s trust and it mutually feels like it’s the best thing to do to have sex.

Okay, that’s about all I can muse about intercourse.  

I instantly pick up on female attraction to me,  and it’s quite frequent.  Most of the time I know and understand it’s most prudent to respond with “No you can’t have me because of the exhausting number of hoops you’ll digressionally make me jump through just so you can satisfy your own sexual urges. Plus, I have an interest in abstinence”. Interesting!

Fornicate — a type of sex (premarital sex)
Infidelity — cheating
Adultery — sexual infidelity (sexually cheating)
Chastity — religious-based abstinence (typically until marriage)
Abstinence — not having sex for a period of time
Celibacy — permanent abstinence
Asceticism — training for pursuit of spiritual (or religious) goals.
Sodomy — “unnatural (oral or anal) sex